Turd Blossom

And it's Jonathan Chait for the win.

Tea Bagging

This may be the single greatest moment in cable news history.

See if you can count how many sexual puns Schuster crams into this segment. I lost count at twenty or so.

History, Who Knows? We'll All Be Dead.

Ladies and gentlemen, the George W. Bush Presidential Librarium.

If You're Lucky, Ladies, He'll Show You His "O" Face

Audio clips from Bill O'Reilly's novel available over at the Village Voice blog.

I thought about picking one sample, but it's just impossible to choose one.

I mean, do I go with a short snappy clip like Bill saying "I wish I were a lesbian"? Or do I go with an extended, disturbingly graphic sex scene?

Seriously, I dare you to try and listen to just one clip.

They're like Pringles -- stale, white, and best consumed by the handful.

CNBCockblocked

If you missed last night's epic showdown between Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer, holy crap.

It was like watching Mike Tyson mercilessly kick the everloving shit out of a third-grade girl. (Not only did he humiliate Cramer, but he might have gotten Cramer a nice little SEC investigation of his own.) In thirty years, they're going to revisit this interview as a full-length movie, sort of a cross between "Frost/Nixon" and "When We Were Kings." Stew-art, boom-a-ye! Stew-art, boom-a-ye!

You can check out the full interview online, including bits that had to be edited out for time. Part 1 of 3 is available on the Comedy Central website here.

They had me at the carrots

This Toilet Is Awesome - Watch more

Dear Porn Producers

Enough with the spitting already.

Thanks, etc.

Mr. Jindal's Neighborhood

I still say that Bobby Jindal sounded exactly like Kenneth the Page from "30 Rock," but this take is simpler and even more devastating.



Update: And now, a rebuttal to the rebuttal.

F vs S

It isn't even close


the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

The Audacity of Nope

Stephen Colbert has been bringing his A-game lately. Last night's installment of "The Wørd" was priceless.

High Five Inauguration

HIGH-FIVE INAUGURATION! - watch more funny videos

Inauguration Memories

Me and the wife, talking on Tuesday afternoon.

Me: "... Not a bad day so far. I had that Bush's Homestyle Chili for lunch. Pretty good for premade stuff."
Wife: "So you're celebrating the inauguration by shitting out some Bushes?"

She's a keeper, folks.

President Obama

For eight years, living in the United States has felt like riding in the backseat of a runaway cab driven at top speed by a drunken mental patient who cut out the seat belts to make a special hat that would keep the aliens from Zeltron-5 from stealing his precious bodily fluids.

And now all of a sudden, there's been a shift change and we have someone at the wheel who's smart, reflective, and competent. I know I can start to unclench my buttocks, but it's going to take a little while before I get used to the new guy.

Taibbi v. Friedman

For Matt Taibbi, the aching idiocy of Thomas Friedman is a sore tooth he just can't stop touching.

In Hot, Flat and Crowded, the money shot comes when Friedman starts doodling on a napkin over lunch with Moisés Naím, editor of Foreign Policy magazine. The pre-lunching Friedman starts drawing, and the wisdom just comes pouring out:

I laid out my napkin and drew a graph showing how there seemed to be a rough correlation between the price of oil, between 1975 and 2005, and the pace of freedom in oil-producing states during those same years.

Friedman then draws his napkin-graph, and much to the pundit’s surprise, it turns out that there is almost an exact correlation between high oil prices and “unfreedom”! The graph contains two lines, one showing a rising and then descending slope of “freedom,” and one showing a descending and then rising course of oil prices.

Friedman plots exactly four points on the graph over the course of those 30 years. In 1989, as oil prices are falling, Friedman writes, “Berlin Wall Torn Down.” In 1993, again as oil prices are low, he writes, “Nigeria Privatizes First Oil Field.” 1997, oil prices still low, “Iran Calls for Dialogue of Civilizations.” Then, finally, 2005, a year of high oil prices: “Iran calls for Israel’s destruction.”

I looked at this and thought: “Gosh, what a neat trick!” Then I sat down and drew up my own graph, called SIZE OF VALERIE BERTINELLI’S ASS, 1985-2008, vs. HAPPINESS. It turns out that there is an almost exact correlation!

Read the whole thing.

"Kent, I'd Be Lying If I Said My Men Weren't Committing Crimes"

Incredible piece in The Nation about racial vigilantes in New Orleans after Katrina. Go. Now.

Zach Galifianakis

Zach Galifianakis Live at the Purple Onion by Zach Galifianakis

Tennessean is Tennebelievin'

This is twelve kinds of awesome.

Update: Now with a delicious video.

The Wire Rap-Up

This is pretty damn good. A five-minute rap song, by the aptly named Mad Skillz, that recaps the entire five-season run of "The Wire."

If -- for some ungodly reason -- you've never actually watched "The Wire," also known as The Greatest Fucking Television Show of All-Time, then be warned that this is chocked full of spoilers.

And seriously, if you've never watched "The Wire," you ought to be ashamed of yourself. What are you, Amish? No? You spend time watching TV and you haven't watched the crowning accomplishment of the medium? Turn off "Two and a Half Men," sack up, and enjoy the ride.

More Like the BS System! AMIRIGHT?

Pretty good piece at Slate on the atrocities of the BCS. Enjoy.

The Federal Fluffer Act of 2009

Look out, folks. According to this CNN report, the pervert's baaaaaaaack!

Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry. ...

Flynt and Francis concede the industry itself is in no financial danger — DVD sales have slipped over the past year, but Web traffic has continued to grow. But the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

So far, there has been no congressional reaction to the request.

I find it hard to believe that they can't find a sponsor for this. Surely, Sen. David Vitter can take time out from his Republican family values speeches and his prostitutes-and-Pampers funplay to help out an ailing industry that has given him so much.

Hush Your Mouth

Stolen from a Balloon Juice posting. You're welcome.

Par-tay.

This is absolutely brilliant.

Thundercats. Are. GO!

Alright, not really. But this is a helluva good spoof.

Flight of the Conchords

For some reason, they've released the first episode of the new season of "Flight of the Conchords" a month early. Enjoy.

Season 2 Online Premiere - Flight of the Conchords (US Only) - watch more funny videos

Impeach Fred Armisen

Dickipedia

I've only now discovered this. If you haven't seen it, I recommend starting with the entry for Rudy Guiliani.

"I Mean, Who Throws a Shoe? Honestly!"

Speechless. I'm speechless.

Weekend Inspiration

Economy got you down? Worried about the Fantasy Football Playoffs? Whatever is worrying you won't seem so bad after you get a load of this.

Pitying the Capitalist Fools

If you haven't read Joseph Stiglitz's piece on the economic meltdown in Vanity Fair, you should.

It's short, sweet and smart. Just like Herve Villéchaize!

Huckaboom

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Outstanding interview between Jon Stewart and Mike Huckabee. It's sad that the most informative interviews in the media today come from a satirical show on Comedy Central, but I'll take what I can get. Enjoy.

Eddie Izzard, Legos and the Death Star Canteen

Blue Devils

So I'm at a big Thanksgiving gathering which comprised a number of families. I'm talking to someone I haven't seen in a few years (his parents and my parents are best buddies). The usual small talk ensues and he mentions that he's currently living in Durham. I say "I've heard it's a nice place, but unfortunately it's filled with Dookies."

He goes on talking about Durham and about how he lives downtown and for some reason starts talking about the urban center and demographic shifts and things like that. My kid starts crying and I excuse myself.

Some things about our brief conversation continued to bother me. After my anti-Duke comment there was a slight hesitation, a glance over my shoulder -- all of this is very subtle and hard to quantify, but it just felt weird. I know he didn't go to Duke - I thought that perhaps one of his friends went there and that might be the reason for the strangeness that descended.

After some thinking, I suspect I know what happened. When I said "it's filled with Dookies," he heard me say, "it's filled with Darkies."

If anyone knows of an e-card along the lines of "You know that incredibly racist thing that you thought I said? Well, I didn't say it" Please pass it along.

Sunday School

And yes, I could spend a week on Hulu just watching the clips from this show. If you've never had the pleasure, here's an episode that's a personal favorite.

Full Metal Christmas

Two great tastes that taste great together.

To Alcohol! The Cause of, and Solution to, All of Life's Problems!

Holy Taco has a nice top ten list of beer slogans. Normally, I wind up disagreeing with the top choices in these lists -- and yes, I do have a lot of free time, thanks -- but I defy anyone to challenge their top two picks.

Prop 8: The Musical

An all-star, three-minute musical comedy parody on the California gay marriage referendum. You know, the usual.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Post Mortem

Great reflections on the McCain campaign from Rolling Stone's Matt Tiabbi.

A small taste:

In short, McCain entered this election season being the worst thing that anyone can be, in the eyes of the Rove-school Republicans: Different. Independent. His own man. He exited the campaign on his knees, all his dignity gone, having handed the White House to the hated liberals after spending the last months of the race with numb-nuts Sarah Palin on his arm and Karl Rove's cock in his mouth. Even if you wanted to vote for him, you didn't know who you were voting for. The old McCain? The new McCain? Neither? Both?

Nixon: Now Newer Than Ever!

If you haven't sampled the latest releases in the Nixon tapes, take a look.

Here's one of my favorites, showing how Republicans have historically rejected identity politics and been a friend of African Americans at the same time:

[...] Nixon: Well if you’ve got a candidate, what we need there… Godammit Chuck, we haven’t got an Italian yet. I can’t find any…

Colson: Did Bob mention the [foreign adviser John] Scali idea to you? …Could be at the U.N.

Nixon: Instead of the black?

Colson: Instead of the black. Who the hell cares about the blacks? Scali would love the U.N. That would give you an Italian in the cabinet. At least it’s a thought. And he’s a legitimate Italian. A good Italian…

Nixon: You know, basically, we don’t owe the blacks a damn thing anyway.

Colson: Oh hell, no. As a matter of fact, I think it’s a bad signal to put a black in the Cabinet… The people that voted for us– (Laughs)

Nixon: …And after all, this pampering of blacks isn’t a good idea. I think you’ve got a good point there…

Colson: If we appoint a black in the cabinet in the second term and we didn’t have one in the first term, people are going to say, “My God, they’re moving–

Nixon: That’s right.

Awesome. To quote Bill Hicks' comment about "COPS," it's like a sore tooth I can't stop touching!

Happy Turkey Day

Inside Biden

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

A little hit and miss, but the sentiment is dead on.

Support the Troops

Specifically, this one.

Thanks to all those who served and serve. Hopefully, President Obama will help make our thanks a little more than the current plan of annual lip service and yellow-ribbon stickers.

Republican Frankenstein

Obama won Virginia in large part because of the ever-increasing number of democratic voters in Northern Virginia. Mark Warner, Jim Webb, and Tim Kaine all can credit NoVa with providing the margins of victory in their senate and guber races (with massive assists from Macacca and the world's worst governor, Jim Gilmore).

In their pursuit of a smaller government, over the last 30 years the Reaganites have created this monstrous democratic voting bloc. As the have budgets shown, republicans never shrank government in any meaningful way, they just outsourced it to a gigantic network of contractors, call it the information-industrial complex or something. Where there once were farms and sleepy towns now are Grant-Thorton, Northrup-Grumman, SAIC, AMS, Raytheon, and tons more that you've never heard of. These contractors hire educated people, and overall they pay them decently.

There are a lot of downsides to this informational-industrial complex (incredible amounts of waste, weak oversight, annoying names), but as far as politics go, nothing spells death to the republicans like "educated middle class."

Thanks again, jackasses.

Get Your War On

The excellent Get Your War On videos always cause the site to crash, so you'll have to click here to witness the dawn of the New World Order.

Better and Better

If you were worried the Republicans might finally wake up after two straight ass-kickings, and realize the right-wing schtick isn't working anymore, rest easy.

The House Republicans have just selected their new leadership team. John Boehner (R-Oompa Loompa) will stay in charge of the dwindling Republican minority, but the second and third in commands will now be Eric Cantor and Mike Pence, two congressmen whose loyalty to the far right is only rivaled by their own stupidity.

There are so, so many bits of Cantor's public appearances I could use here to illustrate just how terrific this is for the Democrats, but I'll go with this one from February 2007, when Cantor insisted that Congress has no constitutional authority in declaring war.



In case you can't watch video at work, or just want to be spared the sound of his voice, here's a transcript:

MATTHEWS: This isn‘t an option question. This isn‘t multiple choice.

Right now, February 8, 2007, do you believe we should go to war with Iran?

CANTOR: I‘ll leave that decision up to the commanders on the ground and those in our military ...

MATTHEWS: Commanders on the ground whether we go to war with another country?

CANTOR: I will leave the decisions in the military arena to—this is exactly the point.

MATTHEWS: This is Barry Goldwater taking. He used to say that.

Regional commanders can decide whether we want it use nuclear weapons. You‘re obviously saying soldiers should decide which country to go to war with.

CANTOR: I‘m here to say the military experts are those which might come up with the recommendation to the commander in chief that makes the decision. It is silly for us to expect .

MATTHEWS: I‘m not talking — I just asked you a very simple question .

CANTOR: We‘re going 535 commanders in chief .

MATTHEWS: I‘ve never heard of anything like this in my life. Never in my life.

ISRAEL: Congress has a constitutional responsibility to decide whether we‘re going to war or not. That‘s what we‘re elected to do. Those are the debates we should have.

CANTOR: Every president since...

MATTHEWS: The idea of declaring war as a soldier is unimaginable. ...

Let me ask you Congressman Cantor, very clearly, to clear up our discussion, if the U.S. Congress were to discuss tomorrow morning whether to declare war on Iran, would you vote yay?

CANTOR: This congress is not going to do that because it‘s the commander in chief‘s role, Chris, and Steve knows that as well. It‘s not Congress that will ask for that. It is the commander in chief that will make that decision. Every president whether republican or Republican or Democrat since the War Powers Act was in place has interpreted it as being the commander in chief‘s role to do that.

MATTHEWS: Would you support the president if he declared war in Iran tomorrow morning? As things are right now.

CANTOR: I will support what is in the best interest of securing this homeland and providing our troops with what they need and if there is a threat on the ground in Iraq and in the region that our troops need us, I will support them and that‘s exactly the point on this Iraqi resolution because the Democrats want to have their cake and eat it, too. This is a nonbinding resolution. It‘s a sense of Congress. It doesn‘t mean anything. In fact it pollutes the message and sends the wrong message to our troops.

MATTHEWS: Congressman Israel, what‘s the role of Congress in war and peace?

ISRAEL: Congress under the Constitution of the United States authorizes war. The War Powers Act requires Congress to vote on whether we should insert troops into hostile situations. The law is clear.

CANTOR: Absolutely not.

ISRAEL: Come on, Eric.

CANTOR: As a commander in chief the constitution gives .

MATTHEWS: Congressman Cantor, why did the president ask for approval of Congress before he went to Iraq?

CANTOR: I certainly think his counsel gave him guidance why he need to do that but the Constitution gives the commander in chief the right to send our troops into battle.

MATTHEWS: Maybe when it comes to war we don‘t need a Congress according to that.

This assclown doesn't even understand the fundamental powers of Congress, and he's now the second most powerful Republican there. Awesome.

Breaking the Eleventh Commandment

There are many things to be excited about with the election of Barack Obama, but the emergence of Republican-on-Republican violence is certainly at the top of my list.

In this clip, Fox News's Carl Cameron reveals a lot of new exciting information about Sarah Palin. What's worse? The daily tantrums? Or the fact that she thought Africa was a country, not a continent? No, wait -- she couldn't name the countries in North America? So many to choose from. Enjoy.

Nice speech, but

that has to be the worst post-speech music ever.

Onion's on it

Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress

Schadenfreude

Watching the election returns, I decided to flip over to Fox News.

"Suicidal" is too happy a word to describe their coverage. Brit Hume and Karl Rove are just now discussing Ohio going for Obama with all the excitement of the Brezhnev funeral.

Where's Your Messiah Now?

MSNBC just called the North Carolina Senate race for Kay Hagan.

Liddy Dole can take her fucking "godless" attack ads and shove them where the sun don't shine.

Quick, before it's not funny anymore

McCain tongue photoshop contest

I Like Jokes

Yesterday a neighbor called my wife to inform her that someone was playing "a horrible joke on your husband."

"What is it?" said my wife.

"Someone put an Obama sticker on his car," the neighbor responded with concern.

"Yes, we're democrats."

"Oh..."

UPDATE - I just voted and it was actually emotional. I kept thinking about how far this campaign has come. What it means about America. And fuck Bush.

This Fucking Election

On the day before the inevitable clusterfuck at the polls, let's take a moment to review the wonder of this fucking election.

Apropos of nothing

Bearing False Witness

Kay Hagan, the Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate from North Carolina, has recently pulled ahead of Senator Liddy Dole in the polls. Liddy, class act that she is, put up an ad accusing Hagan of being a godless heathen. No, seriously.

Well, Hagan's come back with an ad of her own and it's biblical in its wrath. Enjoy.

A Nod is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Man

The McCain campaign must be running out of people willing to be its spokesmen on the cable shows if this moron is making the rounds.

There's a moment there where I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Once Smitten

The New Yorker has an amazing piece up on the story of how the Weekly Standard and National Review geniuses fell in love with Sarah Palin.

The whole thing is worth a read, even if it essentially boils down to "Hey, I think this stripper really likes me!"

Down to the Wire

Stars from the Greatest Television Show of All Time have been stumping for Obama in North Carolina, which has surprisingly turned into an important swing state. Sean Quinn of the excellent FiveThirtyEight.com has a nice rundown of the rally.

The Real Cindy

Cindy McCain Claims Sheâ??s â??Just Like Any Other Female Humanâ??

Fairly Imbalanced

In reaction to news that white supremacists in Tennessee were seeking to assassinate Barack Obama and a hundred African American children as well, the Tennessee Republican Party rushed out a statement in which they boldly announced their opposition to such activities. Good to know they have limits.

As Ben Smith at Politico noted, the statement contained a pretty bizarre bit of false equivalency:

"Hate is not a political party, policy statement, agenda or ideology - it is a pure evil that no place in civil society," said Robin Smith, Chairman of the Tennessee Republican Party. "Whether it is neo-Nazi skinheads plotting a racist shooting spree targeting Sen. Obama, or West Hollywood liberals hanging Gov. Sarah Palin in effigy and calling it 'art,' or unknown anarchists tossing bricks through the windows of a county Republican headquarters in Murfreesboro, Americans of all political views should be outraged."

So Hollywood liberals with some bitchy art are the same thing as heavily-armed, bloodthirsty skinheads. OK, then.

You might remember the Tennessee Republican Party from some of their past work, such as attacking "Barack Hussein Obama" in a press release titled "Anti-Semites for Obama," which included a photo of him in Somali tribal garb; badly distorting his "bitter quote" in a mongoloid press release whose insanity simply cannot be summed up; and clumsily questioning Michelle Obama's patriotism in a low-budget video release on the intertubes.

Given how much vile hatred they've been dumping on Obama, perhaps they've realized that they've contributed to an atmosphere that would encourage white supremacists to resort to violence, and now felt a pang of remorse.

Or perhaps they're just a bunch of mildly retarded manchildren who really do think that mean puppets are the same thing as mass murder.

Ground Game

A nice look at the McCain campaign on the ground in Florida. Yeah, there's no way the election there is going to turn ugly.

We'll try to try

If there was any doubt that this blog is run by slackers, we somehow missed the most important day of the year go by uncelebrated. October 21 is the International Day of the Nacho.

Old Man Yells At Cloud

Bundy for Obama

Tough Day For Monty Python's Palin

Stay Classy, McCain

Here's a taste of how nasty the ground game is getting -- a Republican flyer being sent out in Nevada, forwarded from a friend there.

The Stock Market Hates Republicans

Whenever I mention to my conservative friends that Clinton did great with the economy, they tell me that the president has almost no influence on the economy. Except for Reagan, that is.

Maybe this graphic will be more persuasive.

Caption Contest

This photo from last night's debate is begging for a caption contest.

And please, people -- don't go for the obvious "I've fallen and I can't get up" joke. You're better than that.

Except for I-Rod. He's not better than that.

Update: I didn't think it was possible, but McCain looks even creepier from a different angle.

Bring Ohio Back

These may be the funniest, most effective political ads I've seen in a long time.

Class From The GOP Leadership - Not So Much From The Masses

(CNN) One man at the rally said he was "scared of an Obama presidency." McCain later told the man he should not fear Obama.

"I want to be president of the United States, and I don't want Obama to be," he said. "But I have to tell you, I have to tell you, he is a decent person, and a person that you do not have to be scared [of] as president of the United States."

McCain's response was met with boos from the crowd.

Caption Contest

A picture is worth a thousand words. Let's hear 'em...

Keating Five for Fighting

The Obama campaign has been reluctant to bring up McCain's role in the Keating Five scandal -- until now. They have a terrific short film up at this site which explains the complex scandal in simple terms that the media might even be able to understand.

O Bama

In what may be the best ad of the entire campaign, legendary bluegrass musician Ralph Stanley has a radio ad on the air in southwestern Virginia endorsing Barack Obama. It's a terrific ad, and smartly targeted to Obama's weakest spot in a crucial swing state.

TPM has the audio. Give it a listen.

How'd He Do?

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

While Joe Biden was making the rounds on the cable news networks last night -- you know, like you'd expect a top campaign surrogate would -- Sarah Palin was on a bar crawl in Philadelphia. No, seriously.

Palin entered the bar after the press pool was pre-positioned in the rear of the venue. Donning a red Phillies jacket that was purchased for her earlier in the day, Palin came in to a loud roar, and the bar quickly descended into a mob scene. She was dressed casually, wearing jeans, a brown leather belt with a leopard-print buckle, and a white t-shirt underneath the Phillies jacket that read "Sarahcuda."

What is it with Republicans and the need to constantly promote their own nicknames?

McCain couldn't stop referring to his own nicknames last night -- Maverick, Sheriff, Ol' Crotchety Pants -- but Palin went one better, and was actually wearing a goddamned t-shirt with her little nickname on it like she was Laverne Fucking DeFozio.

It's like the Seinfeld episode where George tries to get people to call him T-Bone and fails. Only this is so, so much funnier.

Also funny? When Miss Teen South Carolina made some impromptu remarks to the crowd:

She made her way through the crowd, all smiles, and stepped up on a dais in the corner to make some brief remarks:

"Thank you. Thanks for inviting us into The Irish Pub and we know this is going to be a great night for our ticket. Thank you for being here for rooting on John McCain tonight in the debate even, you guys, thank you. Yeah.

"Great to be here in the city of brotherly and sisterly love. Thank you and we feel that. And truly all the support that you're providing us in this area that is so paramount to victory on November 4th. We thank you so much for all your support. Hope we all get around to meet each and every one of you so I can personally thank you guys for the support that you're showing and for being so reform-minded and knowing that we have opportunity to put government back on the side of the people and shake things up in DC.

"And for that I thank you for being on the team, and hopefully we can bring more people from this area on that team, you guys, truly. As our mission, getting to D.C. shaking things up, working for you. John McCain and I will never forget whom we are working for is for you. So we love you guys, city of brotherly love. Thank you."

Yeah, it's hard to understand why they're keeping her away from the press.

Kimbo Biden

I can't wait for next Thursday.

Existential Threat

I've been out of the loop for a while, but watching John McCain talk is like a second Holocaust in my head.

I'm turning this stuff off. First person in the debate to use the word "orgy" has my vote.

Compare and Contrast

Time Out!

John McCain's decision to demand a "time out" in the presidential campaign has led to some predictable and well-deserved blowback. If you missed Letterman last night, he delivered a beatdown worth watching.

George Brett, Hall of Fame Storyteller

My Gal

It's not often I say this -- but there's a hilarious piece in the New Yorker about Palin that you all should read.

It's Go Time

The new Obama ad, set to air in battleground states and on the cable news networks.

Like what you see? Want to get it out there? Then drop the campaign some cash. This is when it counts most, folks.

John McCain Approved This Message

Get This Man an Oscar

A Little Perspective

Conventional Wisdom IV: The Day After

Any thoughts? Was McCain as anticlimactic as it seemed? How much fun will Colbert have with the green screen?

McCain and Palin are at a rally right now, and I can't believe it, but Palin just repeated the snide comment about community organizers. What a clown.

GOP to Thousand Points of Light: Drop Dead

Republicans then:

I've spoken of a thousand points of light -of all the community organizations that are spread like stars throughout the nation doing good. We will work hand in hand, encouraging, sometimes leading, sometimes being led, rewarding. We will work on this in the White House, in the Cabinet agencies. I will go to the people and the programs that are the brighter points of light, and I'll ask every member of my Government to become involved. The old ideas are new again because they're not old, they are timeless: duty, sacrifice, commitment, and a patriotism that finds its expression in taking part and pitching in.

Republicans now:

Giuliani: "On the other hand, you have a resume from a gifted man with an Ivy League education. He worked as a community organizer. What? He worked -- I said -- I said, OK, OK, maybe this is the first problem on the resume."

Palin: "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities."

That's an ... interesting take. And I'm not so sure it's going to play well.

Conventional Wisdom III: The Preciousssss

Going into last night of the Republican National Convention, I was worried they might try to make an effective case to independent and moderate swing-state voters. Thankfully, they decided to replay the party's greatest hits of Republican hatchet attacks instead.

Mitt Romney, whose brain and hair apparently just jumped through time from 1968 to the present day, went on the attack against the elitist East Coast elite liberal media elites, the liberal Supreme Court (?!), and all the liberals who run Washington today (?!?!).

When Romney was done reviving the Spiro Agnew schtick, Rudy Guiliani decided to reach back even further for a vintage 1950 Joe McCarthy, sinisterly talking about how Obama went over to Europe -- gasp! -- and brought back some suspicious European ideas with him!

While I would've expected Romney to ooze insincerity (and secrete his own hair gel) and I would've expected Guiliani to bare his fangs like a C-list Bela Lugosi, I was a little surprised to see Vice Presidential Lottery Winner Sarah Palin continue to ramp up the attacks. If she'd played up the "hockey mom" act a little more, she might have appealed to suburban mothers across the country; instead, she decided to devote her time to shrill attacks and a long, long list of easily refuted lies about her Democratic opponents. Also, is it smart to keep mocking "community organizers" when they're the people who basically run the ground game in the Democratic get-out-the-vote effort? Way to make them kick it into high gear.

The media pundits are all swept up in the mood of the arena -- even nominally liberal Mika Brzyznski on MSNBC looks like she's going to stroke out from excitement this morning -- but I think they're misreading this. These speeches will doubtlessly fire up the Republican base, but I have to think they're going to alienate the hell out of independents and moderates. (And looking at the early focus group reports, that seems to be the case.)

It'll be interesting to see what Grandpa Simpson does tonight. I'm sure his speechwriters are seriously concerned about this issue, but there's also the matter of whether or not he can live up to the base's excitement after last night. My friends, I doubt it.

Peggy Noonan: "It's Over"

Caught in a live mic on MSNBC, Peggy Noonan, Mike Murphy and Chuck Todd are ready to call the election.

Earmarked

I was trying to find a part to highlight, but the whole story is ludicrously tragic. Just read the whole thing.

"Jews for Jesus?"

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, the Palin pick just gets better and better.

[J]ust two weeks ago, ... Palin’s church, the Wasilla Bible Church, gave its pulpit over to a figure viewed with deep hostility by many Jewish organizations: David Brickner, the founder of Jews for Jesus.

Palin’s pastor, Larry Kroon, introduced Brickner on Aug. 17, according to a transcript of the sermon on the church’s website. “He’s a leader of Jews for Jesus, a ministry that is out on the leading edge in a pressing, demanding area of witnessing and evangelism,” Kroon said. ....

Brickner also described terrorist attacks on Israelis as God's "judgment of unbelief" of Jews who haven't embraced Christianity.

"Judgment is very real and we see it played out on the pages of the newspapers and on the television. It's very real. When [Brickner's son] was in Jerusalem he was there to witness some of that judgment, some of that conflict, when a Palestinian from East Jerusalem took a bulldozer and went plowing through a score of cars, killing numbers of people. Judgment — you can't miss it."

Palin was in church that day, Kroon said, though he cautioned against attributing Brickner’s views to her.

This was two weeks ago and Palin was there. And we thought Jewish voters were feeling queasy about the Republican ticket before.

I'd like to yield the remainder of my time to Captain Rex Kramer.

Conventional Wisdom II: The Whitening

Consider this an open thread for all things related to the Republican National funeral Convention.

The Pill-Popper Twins made an appearance last night, and this evening features speeches from Still-President George W. Bush, Pretend-President Fred Thompson (who is not at all a celebrity, thank you very much), and Droopy Dog stunt double Joe Lieberman. Should be an exciting niiiiiiiiighfdjskmzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Hurricane Sarah

Hurricane Sarah has finally struck the city of St. Paul, and the one-day devastation was phenomenal.

Greg Sargent at TPM has a convenient rundown of today's aftermath, so I'll just shamelessly repost the entire damn thing:

On the same day that the Republicans were forced to dramatically cut back their convention activities, the Palin Meltdown unfolded with extraordinary speed. It's worth pondering the totality of what happened today, in a mere half day...

* The news that Palin once backed the Bridge to Nowhere went national.

* It emerged that Palin has links to the bizarro Alaska Independence Party, which harbors the goal of seceding from the union that McCain and Palin seek to lead.

* The news broke that as governor, Palin relied on an earmark system she now opposes. Taken along with the Bridge to Nowhere stuff, this threatens to undercut her reformist image, something that was key to her selection as McCain's Veep candidate.

* The news broke that Palin's 17-year-old daughter became pregnant out of wedlock at a time when the conservative base had finally started rallying behind McCain's candidacy.

* Barely moments after McCain advisers put out word that McCain had known of Bristol Palin's pregnancy, the Anchorage Daily News revealed that Palin's own spokesperson hadn't known about it only two days ago.

* A senior McCain adviser at the Republican convention was forced into the rather embarrassing position of arguing that McCain had known about the pregnancy "last week" -- without saying what day last week he knew about it.

* It came out that Republican lawyers are up in Alaska vetting Palin -- now, more than 72 hours after it was announced that she'd been picked.

* Palin lawyered up in relation to the trooper-gate probe in Alaska -- a move that ensures far more serious attention to the story from the major news orgs.

Wow. Quite a day. (Click through to the original article for the links to full stories on each.)

As brutal as this list is, it still doesn't everything tragically ludicrous that went down with Palin today. For instance, her complete, nearly comical ignorance on the Pledge of Allegiance also came out in the media today. And just now on CNN, Campbell Brown ripped McCain functionary and apparent assclown Tucker Bounds a new asshole over the tired argument that Palin has national security experience because she's the head of the Alaska National Guard. (Seriously, watch that if you haven't. Brutal.)

I've never really professed to understand the deep inner workings of the Republican mind, but I have to think that not even an acclaimed genius like Turdblossom would have wanted the dead pool on the career of the newly minted Vice Presidential candidate to begin less than 72 hours after the announcement and on the very first day of the Republican National Convention.

Yeah, it's really hard to believe she's not polling well in focus groups.

(I can't remember where I saw the "Sheagleton" reference first, but it's brilliant. If you're not a complete politics nerd and don't get the somewhat obscure reference, read up on this historic moment that's apparently coming back for seconds.)

Getting to Know You

That Word Has Another Meaning, You Know

Given McBush's history with former beauty queens, do they really want to see headlines about McBush "tapping" Sarah Palin?

CNN Smackdown

Sweet Zombie Jesus, I wish I'd seen this smackdown of CNN's resident halfwit Soledad O'Brien.

From Media Matters:

During Wednesday's convention coverage, CNN's Jeffrey Toobin and Carl Bernstein seemed fed up with their own profession:

SOLEDAD O'BRIEN (CNN host): Do you think it matters at all -- anyone can jump in on this -- that President [Bill] Clinton will not stay for Barack Obama's speech on Thursday?

TOOBIN: Zero.

O'BRIEN: Really?

TOOBIN: Nothing. Who cares? My God, we fixate on these ridiculous little things.

O'BRIEN: Well, I'm not -- I didn't --

TOOBIN: I mean, I just think it's ridiculous. Who cares whether he's there or not?

O'BRIEN: OK, I asked that tone -- that question in a nice tone, and you're jumping on me.

BERNSTEIN: No, I think -- I think it's part of a larger question, and that is: What is the role of the press, particularly cable news, in this election? And at what point do we tip to a kind of minute picking apart and tea-leaf reading? I'm not even saying your question is --

O'BRIEN: I don't take it personally, don't worry.

BERNSTEIN: -- is -- but I think -- and it's the evening news shows, as well, but I -- and on the Web -- but I think that we need more perspective. We need to step back.

[...]

BERNSTEIN: I think we ought to stop telling people what they need to do.

Sadly, they don't have the video clip there. If anyone knows where to find it, please post it in the comments.