People Who Annoy You - "N*ggers"

Yet again South Park shows some stones as the only comedy show willing to tackle *any* taboo.

Here's a clip from last night's show, be sure and catch the whole thing in reruns.

Binge and Purge

There's a terrific clip from MSNBC's Countdown over at Crooks & Liars about the U.S. Attorney purge.

Constitutional law scholar Jonathan Turley has a great bit at the end, complete with a line about how U.S. Attorneys are supposed to be independent, and not have to "look over their shoulders for Karl Rove coming after them with a wood chipper."

Friday Random Ten

I know what you're thinking. "Why Liberace now? Why not Liberace later? Or, better yet: Liberace never? Please?"

Well, I'm reminded of the wise words of Dan Aykroyd: "Don't try to fight it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it -- you're spending the night with Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute." Sorry, folks. Liberace Now.

Resistance is futile.

But, that said, we here at LLatPoN abide by the conventions of civilized nations and, as such, will grant the condemend one last wish before their summary liberacution. And I know what each and every one of you would ask for -- another Friday Random Ten. Your last wish is my command.

1. The Stanley Brothers, "Loving You Too Well" -- Some sweet, sweet bluegrass from one of the classic groups. Terrific vocal harmonizing and great banjo and guitar work. Ralph Stanley is still touring and kicking ass, and came through New York a couple months ago. Sadly, I couldn't make the show. But I'm sure an octagenarian like him has a couple more tours in him, right? Right? Crap. 7/10

2. Reverend Horton Heat, "Jonny Quest/Stop That Pigeon" -- This is a medley from a collection of indie rockers covering classic cartoon themes. The "Jonny Quest" half is unbelievably scorching, but the song craps out when they switch over to the lesser song of a lesser cartoon in the second half. Meh. 5/10

3. R.E.M., "Wake Up Bomb" -- I've been an R.E.M. fan ever since I stumbled across Reckoning as a high school freshman, and all things considered, New Adventures in Hi-Fi might be my favorite album of theirs. This is one of the weaker songs on it, I think, but still solid. 6/10

4. Lowell Fulsom, "Tramp" -- What a great tune. A classic R&B strutter, with a ton of attitude on vocals and an irresistable stomp of a guitar riff. De La Soul ripped this off for "Keepin' Tha Faith," and with good reason. This may well be one of my favorite songs of all time. 10/10

5. Dead or Alive, "You Spin Me Right Round" -- Um ... yeah. Next. 3/10

6. Iron & Wine with Calexico, "All Tomorrow's Parties" -- I'm generally a sucker for indie-folk covers of rock songs (see also Jose Gonzalez, Mat Weddle, etc.), even though part of me fears I'm being tricked into liking my generation's version of elevator Muzak. Whatever. This is a very nice take on the Velvet Underground tune. 8/10

7. Tegan and Sara, "Walking with a Ghost" -- Catchy as hell, with a simple hook and some sweet lyrics from the ladies. 9/10

8. Albert Collins, "Doin' My Thing" -- This is, indeed, Albert doing his thing. If you're not familiar with his thing, it's a nice bit of Chicago blues, blending his electric guitar with some horns and Hammond organ. Solid, if not exactly mind-blowing. 6/10

9. Fishbone, "Freddie's Dead" -- As much as I like covers and love Curtis Mayfield, this one just doesn't do much for me. A little too much anger from the Boneyard here, and the metal guitar and late '80s synthesizers don't help. Eh. 5/10

10. Pussy Galore, "Rocks Off" -- I may need an intervention for the cover-song addiction. Well, in any case, you've got to admire a band that begins a Stones cover with what sounds like 20 seconds of a Tourette's victim snapping over and over, "I hate your fucking guts!" Plus, they're named after the hottest Bond girl of all time! 7/10

After soaring high for two straight weeks, it looks like I've fallen back down to earth with a middling 6.6 average. I'd like to blame this on the mascara rock of Dead or Alive, but this week was full of misfires. Oh well.

Let's see what you all have got. Drop your own FRT in the comments below, with or without the coolness commentary.

And since I made it through this entire post without a link, let me recommend "Clell Tickle: Indie Marketing Guru." It features the dudes from the forthcoming MTV comedy show "Human Giant," though the best bit features Rob Riggle from "The Daily Show" as Hambone, a hired goon described as a "former child arsonist. That's right -- he used to set children on fire."

Breaking News

This just in:

DURHAM, NC. (TPP) -- Duke University, known for its teary-eyed athletes, mathematics team, and raping contests, is reportedly under suspicion for testing nuclear weapons and housing terrorists training facilities on its campus. .... Authorities say the school has been under suspicion for some time after Hitler's remains were uncovered along with a laundry list of Taliban contacts and terror plots last summer in "Krzyzewskiville," a student haven for pi-reciting virgins and Star Wars enthusiasts.

For the rest of this disturbing story, check out The Phat Phree.

"I Don't Like To Throw the Word Hero Around..."

The above is a direct quote from Studiodave, who is too distraught today to blog about a great, great man who brought us a defining American product: Thunderbird.

The company’s introduction of Thunderbird wine would change that. In 1957, the Gallos developed the brand, a concoction of inexpensive fortified white wine with added citrus flavors.

It was named after the Ford sports car and was aimed directly at “the misery market,” according to “Blood and Wine,” Ellen Hawkes’s unauthorized biography of the family. By the end of 1957, Ms. Hawkes reported, Gallo was making 32 million gallons of Thunderbird.

I've always been a Nightrain man myself, but this Friday night I think we should all pay tribute to Ernesto by pouring out a little Thunderbird -- and drinking the rest.

Faux News Scavenger Hunt

Want a laugh? Go try and find coverage of the Libby verdict over at FoxNews.com.

Update: As long as we're looking into the intellectual gutter, Digby has a terrific post up about Fox News.

Smarmy Neoliberals

My damned weiner kid keeps demanding that I pay attention to her, but I found this bit by Yglesias regarding the civil rights movement interesting:

Progressives these days have a sometimes angsty relationship with the social movements of the 1960s and 70s. The sense that, ultimately, these movements failed and the Democratic Party came to disaster through its association with them is inescapable. And yet precisely what we don't want to do is mimick the smarmy neoliberals of the 1980s and 1990s, forever full of scorn, forever eager to blame the left for the right's malgovernment, forever looking to get ahead by knifing an ally in the back.

Arguably, Obama's hit on the right way to think about all this. The movements of yore accomplished a great deal and were absolutely right about the biggest issues of their time. But they made some mistakes. Mistakes that are dwarfed by the scale of their accomplishments; but nonetheless mistakes that carried a high price. Conveniently enough, 2008 could mark the end of 40 desert years launched by Nixon and capped by Bush. Enough time gone by for old wounds to heal, perhaps, and for a new generation of political leadership to redeem the promises of that earlier era.

Sounds about right to me.

One Hundred Ninety Two Countries!

Alright, you all passed the test to see if you could name all fifty states in under ten minutes. Now here's a new one to see if you can name all the 192 countries recognized by the United Nations in the same time span.

I wound up getting only 83 countries, though I blame my poor typing skills and also insist I was robbed on about a half dozen due to technicalities. I'll regale you all with my bitching in the comments.

In the meantime, have at it!

Gay Ole Party

How many gay hookers can fit under this big tent?

Breakin' the Law! Breakin' the Law!

It's a banner day for the Bush administration, folks.

First, the Scooter Libby verdict was just announced, and it looks like he's been convicted on four of the five charges -- obstruction of justice, lying to the FBI, and two counts of perjury under oath. He's now staring down a possible sentence of 25 years in prison and up to $1 million dollars in fines. The money can't scare Cheney's right-hand hatchet, but I bet the prospect of being in jail until he's 81 isn't exactly sitting well with him. If Oz taught us anything, it's that "Scooter" is not a nickname you want in the pen.

Second, the congressional inquiries into the Walter Reed disaster are widening, with public outrage over the initial reports spreading into a wider review of veterans' care throughout America. As Krugman noted, this is fast shaping up to be a political disaster along the lines of Hurricane Katrina, yet another reminder that this administration can't do a single fucking thing right.

And third, as if that's not enough, the probe into the political firings of all those U.S. Attorneys is just getting underway as well. This one not only reminds Americans about all the corruption and scandal around the G.O.P. -- since many of these folks were fired for investigating Republican crooks or for not moving fast enough on Democratic investigations for the G.O.P.'s taste -- but also the way in which the Decider thinks he's above the law. Personally, I think this one's going to be big, unless it gets overwhelmed by the first two.

I really don't know where to focus today. It's like I'm fifteen and woke up on Christmas morning to find a four-by-four ATV, a Playboy bunny, and Walter Payton underneath the Christmas tree. I can't decide which one to play with first.

Fifty States

Think you can names all fifty states in under ten minutes? Really? Test yourself here.

I did it with 5:15 left on the clock, with most of the last minute spent trying to figure out what one state I forgot. I'll name it in the comments, and I think you'll agree I should be allowed to forget it.

Consider this an open time trial. No cheating, no maps, no nothing. The clock begins when you click on it, so be prepared.

Go!

Eye of Newt

Looks like Andrew Coulter wasn't the only one to stick his foot in his mouth at the CPAC conference this weekend.

Here's what Newt Gingrich had to say about the victims of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans:

How can you have the mess we have in New Orleans, and not have had deep investigations of the federal government, the state government, the city government, and the failure of citizenship in the Ninth Ward, where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane.

First of all, I'd really like to hear more from Newt Gingrich about what he thinks makes for "good citizenship." We already know that his definition of "family values" calls for telling your first wife you want a divorce while she's in a hospital bed after having a tumor removed, then cheating on your second wife with a female staffer nearly 23 years younger than you (while hypocritically condemning the president for having an almost identical affair), and then moving on to a third wife.

So, do you get three tries for good citizenship too? Or are the standards higher? Probably higher, since we don't want those dirty immygints from getting in here on their third shot.

Second, I think Newt's right that it's the fault of impoverished New Orleans residents that they didn't just get out of the way of the hurricane. I mean, all the rich white people were able to load up their SUVs with a full tank of gas and tons of supplies and hightail it to hotels outside the danger zone. Just because they didn't have any money, cars, or credit, that's no excuse for the poor people in New Orleans.

Sweet Jesus, the city even opened up the Superdome for them -- not just the cheap seats, but the whole damn stadium, right down to the primo front-row spots where the best kind of people usually sit -- and they still couldn't make it out alright.

Clearly, the poor don't deserve their citizenship any longer. They had their chance, and they blew it. What a bunch of losers.

Normalizing Crazy

Digby has a terrific post up. Depressing, but terrific.

Martyr watch

I guess Jesus is just too cliché.

"Yes, that's it," Marilyn Plummer, Jake's mother, told The Denver Post when asked Friday if her son had retired. "I thought this would happen from the moment the season ended. He needs a break, but I foresee him doing something else. He's a lot like Pat Tillman. Pat would do something unexpected. Jake used to say, 'I wonder what Pat would have done next.' Jake is a lot like Pat. He has that same rebel soul."

Things That Interest Me

From the greatest country in the world. I will number the things that interest me:

ORANGE - A 39-year-old woman who (#1) didn't know she was pregnant gave birth this week after going to an emergency room with a stomachache. April (#2) Barnum of Garden Grove gave birth to a (#3) full-term , 7-pound, 7-ounce boy by Caesarian section at UC Irvine Medical Center, hospital officials said. The (#4) 420-pound woman said her size kept her and others from realizing she was carrying the baby.

"Usually you can tell if you're pregnant, but with me, I couldn't tell," Barnum said Thursday, a day after the birth. "If he kicked, I didn't feel him kicking."

Dr. Afshan Hameed said her weight likely insulated the tiny movements of the baby.

Doctors saw the baby when they took X-rays of her abdominal area on Monday after she arrived at an emergency room near her home complaining of stomach pains.

The baby is named after her (#5) fiance, Walter Edwards II, 42.

Coultergeist

Just when you think Ann Coulter can't sink any lower, she finds a way to ooze through the floor.

You know, recently we've seen more than a few conservative men who claim to hate gays but secretly lust for them. Looking at the way Coulter's Adam's apple quivers with passion when he talks about John Edwards in that clip, I think he might just be another closeted gay Republican.

Update: The Carpetbagger Report puts this all in context.

Friday Random Ten

There have been a lot of album covers that spoof the classic cover for Herb Alpert's Whipped Cream and Other Delights -- ranging from this disturbing '60s spinoff to a nice '90s Soul Asylum LP to this recent collection of Albert remixes that brings it all full circle.

But this one has to be the most disturbing. Maybe it's that Manson Family shade of red. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not sure if those are breadsticks in his hand. But disturbing it is.

The only thing that can chase this image from my mind is the Friday Random Ten. Let's do this thing.

1. Gipsy Kings, "Hotel California (Spanish Mix)" -- I pretty much despise everything the Eagles ever did, but this version of their hit tune is an exception. It's a scorching rendition on its own, but the fact that this served as the music for one of the greatest scenes in film history takes it all the way to perfection. 10/10

2. De La Soul, "Baby Phat" -- From the phenomenal album Bionix. To paraphrase a sweet line from the excellent What Would Tyler Durden Do?, this song has so much bottom I think it might be a centaur. 9/10

3. Urge Overkill, "Emmaline" -- Holy shit, I'm on a roll. UO always liked to represent the '70s style with a '90s attitude, and this cover of the Hot Chocolate ballad is a perfect example. The instrumental intro is a minute and a half of pure love, and then you get to the panty-dropping vocals. Sa-weet. 10/10

4. Django Reinhardt & Stephane Grappelli, "After You've Gone" -- Reinhardt's a bit in the background for most of this song, with some amazing violin work by his counterpart Grappelli and some nicely hep vocals from Some Crooner I Don't Recognize taking center stage. But when that Belgian gypsy takes over midway through, it's impressive as always. 7/10

5. Superchunk, "Skip Steps 1 & 3" -- Alright, I need to go buy a Lotto ticket at this rate. This is a great bit of indie rock from one of the master groups. I don't know if there's something inherent about this song that makes me want to pogo to it, or if that's just conditioning from having seen them live so many times. Whatever, it works. 9/10

6. Muddy Waters, "Champagne and Reefer" -- Sweet Zombie Jesus. At this point, the other bloggers aren't talking to me in the dugout. One of McKinley Morganfield's later, greater tunes, off the otherwise uneven King Bee. The man knows what he wants, and who are we to argue? 8/10

7. The Raconteurs, "Intimate Secretary" -- This is perhaps not the greatest song off Broken Boy Soldiers, but that's like saying someone was not the holiest saint. Still terrific work, and a closer listen to the lyrics reveals a reference to "kakistocracy." No wonder Mr. Furious loves these guys. 8/10

8. Camper Van Beethoven, "Guardian Angels" -- This cowpokish instrumental is currently being used in an ad. (Motel 6? Comfort Inn?) Sorta catchy, but a little too repetitive. And, at any rate, it makes me nervous about what time checkout is. 6/10

9. Cocteau Twins, "Heaven or Las Vegas" -- Ah, sweet sweet shoegazer music. I used to listen to this album all the damn time when I was cramming for exams in college, and I still never got tired of hearing Elizabeth Fraser's vocals. To paraphrase Tracy Morgan on "30 Rock," I love that voice so much I want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. 8/10

10. Radiohead, "Optimistic" -- Well, it's official. This is the best random ten I've had in ages. What better way to close it out than with a favorite tune from a favorite band? (Geeky adoration of Radiohead laid out previously here.) 8/10

That gives me a whopping 8.3 average on the coolness scales, which tops last week's previous record high of a 7.9. (To quote my spiritual mentor Disco Stu, if these trends continue, .... Ayyyyyy!)

While I go off an enjoy a post-coital cigarette, you all should feel free to marvel at the freakish planetary alignment that must've occurred here for me to skip past all things disco and/or Shatner-related in the iTunes this week. Enjoy the moment now, because we'll be back to the crap next week.

Think you can do better? I like the cut of your jib, son. Drop your own FRT in the comments below.

Flathead

The caption contest was funny, but this is better.

Mr. Shrek

The big mystery: why the handcuffs?

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,” the local court heard last week.

Japanese PM: Comfort Girls Wanted It

Apparently jealous of people like David Herschowitz Horowitz, who get so much press for denying the Holocaust, Japan's Dubya-like prime minister (Shinzo Abe) wants to deny one of his own country's atrocities.

Japan's nationalist prime minister denied Thursday that the country's military forced women into sexual slavery during World War II. . . .

"The fact is, there is no evidence to prove there was coercion," Abe said.

Really?

His remarks contradicted evidence in Japanese documents unearthed in 1992 that historians said showed military authorities had a direct role in working with contractors to forcibly procure women for the brothels.

The documents, which are backed up by accounts from soldiers and victims, said Japanese authorities set up the brothels in response to uncontrolled rape sprees by invading Japanese soldiers in East Asia.

Shitter.

Update: Horowitz's name fixed. Herschowitz is my downstairs neighbor. Only thing he denies is dinging my car door.