Giving Canada A Bad Name

First, there were charges of inspiring homosexuality.

Now, breaking news of charges that their music isn't creative, distinctive, or cutting edge.

I cry, "Nickleback! I knew Canadian rock, and you, sirs, do not represent Canadian rock."

J'accuse! Ici!

(Be sure and listen all the way through. )

Mayhem of the Mooninites

In their campaign to promote the forthcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie -- which is shrewdly titled Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters and sneak-peekable here -- the good people at Adult Swim have apparently caused the people of Boston to get wicked freaked out:

The suspicious devices which forced bomb units to scramble across Boston today were actually magnetic lights that are part of a marketing campaign for a television cartoon.

The reports forced the temporary shutdowns of Interstate 93 out of the city, a key inbound roadway, a bridge between Boston and Cambridge, and a portion of the Charles River but were quickly determined not to be explosive.

"It's a hoax -- and it's not funny," Gov. Deval Patrick said.

All of the devices are magnetic lights which resemble a character on the show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force", on Turner Broadcasting's Cartoon Network.

The Mooninites offer their rebuttal here.

Special Comment

At this point in time, reminding you to watch Keith Olbermann seems like reminding you to breathe. But in case you missed his latest fact-checking of the State of the Union, Crooks and Liars has you covered here.

After watching Olbermann tear the president's speech in half, I'm starting to think this Onion piece might not be ficticious.

A Question for Music Junkies, If Any

Do any of you people know how to find out how many copies an album has sold? In particular, I'm trying to find out how many copies of Disney's Favorite Children's Songs (vol. 1 to 4) were sold. I've looked around on RIAA and Billboard and such, but not luck.



Mrs. Thrillhous insisted we buy these albums, and since she'd just done the whole 9 months of carrying the kid, I couldn't say no. I was expecting a bunch of lame Mickey and Goofy crap, but it's actually really good. A guy named Larry Groce does all the songs; he's like a poor man's James Taylor, and I'm pretty poor. If the name sounds familiar, he had a hit in 1976 called "Junk Food Junkie."



Larry's entry on Wikipedia is pretty weak - no mention at all of his Disney work. I'm thinking Disney sold approximately 3 billion copies of the children's songs, but I'd like to have some evidence before I go off on Wiki.

Greased Lightning

Some interesting news from the heartland:

WESTERVILLE, Ohio (AP) -- A high school lunch period was disrupted Monday by a greased, naked student who ran around screaming and flailing his arms until police twice used a stun gun on him, authorities said.

Taylor Killian, 18, had rubbed his body with grapeseed oil to keep from being caught, and got up after the first time he was shocked to continue running toward a group of frightened students huddled in a corner at Westerville North High School, Lt. Jeff Gaylor said.

"That prank went a little farther than he intended, I guess," Gaylor said.

While CNN was unable to provide video of the incident, we here at LLatPoN have the goods. Watch the greased-up insanity here.

History Lesson

If you're the type who pieces together your knowledge of American history from the trivia questions on oatmeal packets and the comic misstatements of our current president, you should click on the video above to get some insight into the awesome world of J.F.K. It's from the same folks who gave you the inside scoop on Washington.

"Did He Give You the Gay?"

Finally, the truth revealed about that website of musicians that can turn you all gay and shit. Read it and weep.

Caption Contest

I'm saddened to realize that we won't have Katherine Harris to kick around anymore, what with her humiliating defeat in the midterm elections and all.

So let's kick her around one last time. Have at her.

Churchill, Lincoln and Bush

Despite conservatives' insistence that Bush is the second coming of Churchill and Lincoln, rolled into one -- and empowered with special Decider superpowers! -- a closer look at the actual conduct of Churchill and Lincoln proves they're wrong. Glenn Greenwald has the goods.

I know, I know. Conservatives will never let facts or history get in the way of their idolatry of the boy-king. But the rest of us should stay informed.

From The Desk of .... Yossarian

(Thanks to Yossarian for this little fun nugget).

I just found a religious blog that lists bands that might turn you "gay".

Now I might say that listening to Nickleback (yes, they are on the list) might make you lame, they won't make you a homosexual.

Fried CHiPs

A friend forwarded this to me with wise advice: "Just watch from 0:45 to 1:05. 20 seconds of your life that I promise won't be wasted."

Friday Random Ten

Due to time constraints today, we're running a classic edition of the FRT.

Nothing quite embodies the wild world of Dixieland jazz like a group of geriatric, white Shriners at a funeral.

Look at them. The liveliest one of the bunch is the dude in the coffin. The rest exude the kind of excitement and joy you'd only see in a urologist's waiting room. (Please insert your own "eight balls" joke here.)

I'd always thought jazz was all about free flowing music and improvisation, but these guys look about as spontaneous as the Nixon Library. Mr. Magoo on the left can't even find the photographer, so how's he supposed to find the rhythm? Welcome to Squaresville, baby. Population: You.

Anyway, the appearance of the mighty mighty Eight Balls can only mean that once again it's time for the Friday Random Ten. You know the drill, so let's do this thing.

Here's mine:

1. Hank Williams, "No No Joe" -- A great little bit of Cold War country, this is Williams' ode to Joseph Stalin. "The Kaiser tried it and Hitler tried it / Mussolini tried it, too / Now they're all sittin' around a fire and did you know something? / They're saving a place for you." Man, I bet Stalin cried like a Trotskyite when he heard that part. 7/10

2. The Flaming Lips, "Pilot Can at the Queer of God" -- I have absolutely no idea what this song's about, and I say that having read the lyrics. Whatever. It's still a nice chunky rocker. 8/10

3. Fishbone, "Subliminal Fascism" -- Once upon a time, these guys seemed to be at the forefront of a great fusion of punk rock, funk, and hiphop, with a sharp political edge. Of course, once upon a time, the Commodore 64 seemed to be at the forefront of home computing, too. 3/10

4. Wolf Parade, "Shine a Light" -- I just scored tickets to see these guys in concert and I am, as the kids say, psyched. Apologies to the Queen Mary is an amazing debut album, and they're supposed to be absofuckinglutely phenomenal live. Here's hoping. 8/10

5. Elvis Presley, "It's Now or Never" -- I have a soft spot for the cheesier songs in the King's repertoire, and this one certainly qualifies, what with the mariachi sounds and the "Five Neat Guys" making an appearance on backing vocals. Still, I suppose this isn't even remotely cool. 2/10

6. Curtis Mayfield, "We People Who Are Darker Than Blue" -- I pretty much love everything Curtis Mayfield ever recorded, but this is a bit of a sprawling Black Power anthem, moving through soul lyrics to congo drums to funk groove to a harp interlude (?) and back again. Not great, but I refuse to give Mayfield anything less than a 5/10.

7. De La Soul, "I. C. Y'All" -- A pretty solid collaboration with Busta Rhymes from Art Official Intelligence. This song has more bottom end than Louie Anderson. Oh, that's right. I went there. 8/10

8. Parliament, "Flash Light" -- The gold standard of funk. I made this my cellphone's ring tone last summer, and ever since, I haven't been able to hear the original without wanting to check the caller I.D. 7/10

9. João Gilberto, "Falsa Baiana" -- A nice bit of classic bossa nova from one of the masters. I may not understand a single word, but my body is still always possessed by the power of Latin rhythms. 6/10

10. Stereolab, "The Seeming and the Meaning" -- One of the most inventive and unique bands around, here with one of my favorites, a tune from the Peng! album. Scorching and sweet at the same time, this is Stereolab at its finest. 10/10

Alright, that gives me an underwhelming 6.4 on the coolness scale. It seems that I, as part of the MTV Generation, really can feel neither highs nor lows. What's that feel like? Eh.

Let's see what you've got. Break out your iPod (or steal a friend's), give us the first ten songs that pop up, and, if you damn well feel like it, throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well.

Now I just need to pull my arms out with my face

Via Kos, I read this article about how thoroughly Bush screwed up Iraq from a domestic politics point of view.

The biggest complaint I hear from Republicans who may find themselves in competitive '08 races is that Democrats don't own a piece of the Iraq problem. And that was the beauty (politically speaking) of the ISG. There were a few things that didn't thrill some Democrats, but they were generally willing to sign on to most of the bipartisan group's findings. Had Bush bought in, the political pressure would have been on the Democrats to buy in. And the moment Iraq becomes an American problem rather than a Republican problem, the GOP would have a more level playing field.

With the White House wholly rejecting the "get the GOP out of Iraq" card, the president managed to do something many thought was nearly impossible: He strengthened the GOP's ties to the war.

Surely Bush, Rove, Cheney, etc. have been in politics long enough to know what they are doing. Surely they know that the ISG, flawed as it was, was their last, best hope to spread blame to somebody -- anybody -- else. This should completely obliterate any lingering doubts that remained about Bush being perfectly content to see Iraq's immolation continue for two more years -- and let the GOP take the blame for it.

I suppose I should be happy that this deeply unpopular war will be strongly associated with this deeply unpopular president and his party, giving the Democrats an even greater chance to win the presidency in '08. I know it should make me smile contentedly and feel smug, but this political suicide scares the hell out of me.

When people who hold great power aren't concerned at all about the future -- events less than two years away -- this is not a good sign.

Please Refrain From Tasting the Knob

On Monday, we had this:

WASHINGTON - Two minutes in a microwave oven can sterilize most household sponges, U.S. researchers reported on Monday. A team of engineering researchers at the University of Florida found that two minutes of microwaving a damp sponge on full power killed or inactivated more than 99 percent of bacteria, viruses or parasites, as well as spores.

Today, we have this:

WASHINGTON - Reports about a study that found microwave ovens can be used to sterilize kitchen sponges sent people hurrying to test the idea this week — with sometimes disastrous results. . . . They described how they soaked the sponges in wastewater and then zapped them. But several experimenters evidently left out the crucial step of wetting the sponge.

If ever there was an argument for staying in school, here it is.

U.S. Automakers Oppose Fuel Standards, Profits

The Post has a pair of articles that makes me want to torch my wife's Mustang (she's got a lame 2000, nowhere near as cool as the awesome 1976 Mustang II "mpg" I used to drive). One article is about congress considering an increase in fuel standards for passenger cars, while Bush wants to have control over passenger car fuel standards transferred to the executive branch (shock!) under NHTSA. You remember NHTSA, the agency that took on the auto industry by spiking fuel standards for SUVs and trucks a whopping 1.8 mpg by 2011.

The auto industry, primarily the Detroit-based joints, are deadset against a meaningful increase in fuel standards for cars, which haven't been changed since the mid-1980s. They say that the costs associated with fuel-saving technology are just too steep for them to bear without government giveaways; besides, I don't think anyone could have possibly anticipated that the world's oil supply was limited.

Which brings us to the second article, which is about Ford's gigantic losses in 2006.

Ford Motor Co. lost $12.7 billion last year, a historic amount of red ink that comes as the 103-year-old company scrambles to restructure, cut costs and recapture some of its standing in the auto market.

Nearly displaced by Toyota Motor Corp. as the number-two automaker in the United States, Ford is refocusing on smaller, more fuel efficient cars, renegotiating contracts with its labor unions and closing factories.

So there were several reasons why Ford lost big, but one of the main ones was THEIR CARS AREN'T FUEL EFFICIENT. They have been losing market share for several years to car makers that make FUEL-EFFICIENT CARS, because PEOPLE WANT FUEL-EFFICIENT CARS. If I didn't know better, I'd say that Ford might be able to make some money by building some of them things themselves, maybe some that use this electricity stuff.

I think we know where this is headed; Detroit isn't really opposed to the fuel standards, they just want a free lunch. Congress will increase fuel standards, but they'll also give huge tax credits to Detroit to build more fuel-efficient cars. The CEOs will get more ivory backscratchers, the auto workers pensions will continue to be underfunded, the Mustang II "mpg" will be reborn (okay, I lied when I said it was awesome; it really really sucked), and Toyota will be the world's number 1 car company.

I've got rhythm!

It's been a while, but Steve Martin actually made me laugh today.

Caption Contest: Coast-to-Coast Dedication

In a first ever here at LLatPoN, we've had a request for a caption contest -- from everyone's favorite pantsless yellow bear Pooh, in the comments here.

So have at it! The viewing public demands it.

Tuesday Night Smackdown

If you missed the terrific response that Sen. Jim Webb gave to the State of the Union last night, you should really take a look. Crooks and Liars, of course, has the video available here.

If you're really pressed for time, though, Norbizness has offered shorter and funnier versions of Bush's SOTU and Webb's STFU speeches here.

Vick Update - Moonajuana

While Michael Vick may be cleared for his "misunderstanding" in the airport, the question remains - what was the residue in the bottle?

Aqua Teen Hunger Force has the answer:



And part 2 (with kick-ass Carl):

The Agony of Defeat

As we all wait with giddy anticipation for the trainwreck that will be the State of the Union speech, I thought I'd pass along a disturbing visual that sums up my thoughts on how the speech will go.

It's start off alright -- I predict the state of our union will be some variation of "the strongerest" -- but then Bush will quickly lose control and crash badly in the midst of gibberish language I can't understand.