Caption Contest

As any true American knows, the dry spell between the end of March Madness and the start of football season is a dead zone in the sporting world. This picture just underscores the fact.

Have at them.

Incoming Wounded!

If you're looking to read someone rip John McCain a new asshole -- no, I'm not talking about Joe Lieberman; I said a new asshole -- go take a look at Matt Taibbi.

Short and Curly

So Libya, which produces a scant 2.2% of the world's oil, says it may cut its production, which caused a spike in the price of a barrel of oil. They didn't actually cut anything, they just said they were thinking about it.

Remember when we were against Libya because they sponsored terrorism? Now they can make a suggestion and hurt every single person in the U.S.

God bless that sweet crude.

The inside scoop

This is totally old, but contains so much truth that I thought I should bring it to the attention of anyone who doesn't read Deadspin articles with scantily clad lady pictures.

There's a New Sheriff in Town

... and his name is Barack Obama.

Fear of a Black Planet

Courtesy of Political Base, here's a button that's currently being sold at the Texas Republican Party convention.

Keep this in mind when the Republicans get outraged -- outraged! -- at the suggestion that there is racism in any way, shape or form coming out of their campaign this year. Clearly, they've never ever done anything before like this, and it would be beneath them to do so now.

As David Cross said, "Look, I'm not saying that all Republicans are racists, just that all racists seem to be Republicans."

"We Like Roy! We Like Roy!"

Caption Contest

As much as I love devoting these to Still-President Bush, we should probably take some time to take a jab at Never-Be-President McCain while we still can.

Have at him, folks.

Image stolen, as always, from Dependable Renegade.

Take It Down a Notch

When it comes to Keith Olberman, I couldn't agree more with this post.

The Pull-Your-Dick Presidency

While I'm thrilled that the reign of Emperor C-Plus Augustus will be coming to an end soon -- barring, of course, the White House Counsel's discovery that executive privilege means never having to leave the Oval Office -- I'm also stricken with a sense of sadness that this long strange trip will soon be over.

Pretty soon, we're not going to have stories like this one coming out every day:

Success in Iraq is critical to U.S. national interests, which is why we've insisted on sending our best and brightest civilians there: loyal Republicans, young GOP political operatives, and in the case of Owen Cargol, a man who fancies himself "a rub-your-belly, grab-your-balls, give-you-a-hug, slap-your-back, pull-your-dick, squeeze-your-hand, cheek-your-face, and pat-your-thigh kind of guy."

...and, by God, we're going to miss the magic when it's gone.

Hard White Balls

Courtesy of Balloon Juice, I'm stunned to see that the tone-deaf McCain website is not only selling campaign-themed golf equipment, but that they're letting people post online reviews as well.

I doubt these will stay up for long, so check them out soon. John Cole has a few screen caps of comments at his place, and here's a sample. Click to enlarge.

Caption Contest

As long as he's still president, we'll still keep targeting him.

Have at him.

Fat Freda Was So Fat ....

This week's commenter draft over at Kissing Suzy Kolber involved game shows, which naturally led to a celebration of the "Match Game" in all its splendor.

Thought I'd post the theme song here in case you drew a blank.

For Whom the Tom Toles

Love That Joker

From the Economist's blog's coverage of tonight's speeches:

OK, I lied, there's one surprise: The terrifying death rictus grin-and-snicker after every joke line. I don't know whether Americans are ready to vote for Mr McCain, but I am prepared to pay him one million dollars not to release deadly Smilex gas over the New Year's Eve crowd at midnight.

"You Die, Joe!!!!"

If you thought President Bush could no longer disappoint you, well, here's a stunning little anecdote from the Washington Post:

Getting lost in the media furor over McClellan's memoir is the new autobiography of retired Lt. Gen. Ricardo S. Sanchez, the onetime commander of U.S. troops in Iraq, who is scathing in his assessment that the Bush administration "led America into a strategic blunder of historic proportions."

Among the anecdotes in "Wiser in Battle: A Soldier's Story" is an arresting portrait of Bush after four contractors were killed in Fallujah in 2004, triggering a fierce U.S. response that was reportedly egged on by the president.

During a videoconference with his national security team and generals, Sanchez writes, Bush launched into what he described as a "confused" pep talk:

"Kick ass!" he quotes the president as saying. "If somebody tries to stop the march to democracy, we will seek them out and kill them! We must be tougher than hell! This Vietnam stuff, this is not even close. It is a mind-set. We can't send that message. It's an excuse to prepare us for withdrawal."

"There is a series of moments and this is one of them. Our will is being tested, but we are resolute. We have a better way. Stay strong! Stay the course! Kill them! Be confident! Prevail! We are going to wipe them out! We are not blinking!"

A White House spokesman had no comment.

Yeah, I'm kind of speechless myself.

We've always ridiculed the intellect of C-Plus Augustus, but even I never really imagined him screaming empty slogans like a demented Mr. Sparkle spokesman. "We kill you one hundred percent! Do not mess with Texas prefecture!"

Young Hillary Clinton