Merry New Year!

Hope everyone has an appropriately hazy and safe New Year's Eve tonight and a gloriously hungover and football-filled New Year's Day tomorrow.

As a present, here's a video clip of the politician who gives me the most hope and optimism for the future -- John Edwards. I have a ginormous man crush on this guy, and I endorse his presidential campaign to the utmost. I can only assume that'll guarantee his victory.

Trifecta Completed?

A couple days ago, Otto asked who would be the third celeb to die. According to MSNBC, we may have an contender:

Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, sentenced to death for his role in 148 killings in 1982, will have his sentence carried out by Sunday, NBC News reported Thursday. According to a U.S. military officer who spoke on condition of anonymity, Saddam will be hanged before the start of the Eid religious holiday, which begins at sundown Saturday.

The hanging could take place as early as Friday, NBC’s Richard Engel reported.

Otto stipulated that the third famous person should be a star of the 70s, and I'm not sure Saddam makes the cut. He didn't seize full control of Iraq until 1979, having spent the prior decade consolidating his power by sticking forks in peoples eyes. We didn't really pay him much attention here until the 90s, but the Iran-Iraq war from 1980-1988 was probably his hey day.

Besides, can you even count someone who gets executed?

Friday Random Nothing

I'm on the road this week and unable to post the Random Ten.

While I can only assume that this will ruin New Year's weekend for many of you, and destroy the remainder of the '00s for a select, sad few, I simply can't get it done. The ugly album covers and snarky comments about ABBA can only come directly from the home base.

To keep the musical love alive, let's use the comments here as an open thread for all things musical. What new music from the past year rocked your own little corner of the world?

Jerry & JB

I know, I know. It sounds like a '70s action show starring a trucker and his sassy pet orangutang. But Jerry and JB are the two icons of that decade who've just passed on.

My memories of President Gerald Ford are fairly thin. He's the first president I really remember, dating from a 1976 mock election in my kindergarten, in which I cast my very first ballot for Ford. Why, I can't remember. I seem to remember thinking he looked more like my father. Maybe it was the golf clothes. Whatever it was, I chalk up the folly of voting for the Republican candidate as a youthful indiscretion. I was four. Cut me some slack.

I don't really remember James Brown from that decade, as his best work was just behind him, and it would take "Living in America" in Rocky IV to bring him back to the public eye. I quickly became a fan then, plunking down a lot of my hard-earned rock dolar on the 4-CD Star Time collection -- my first and still my best box-set purchase -- and then following up with everything I could get my hands on. It's fitting that JB passed away on Christmas, since he used to issue a great Christmas single every season, ranging from nice soul classics like "Merry Christmas, Baby" to militant original tunes like "Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto."

Both men were survivors, with Jerry shrugging off not one, but two assassination attempts in a single month and the crappy impersonations of Chevy Chase, and JB overcoming the Disco Era and several sad run-ins with the law and his ladies. Rest in peace, boys. Lord knows you've earned it.

Please feel free to drop your own memories and memorials to Jerry and/or JB in the comments.

Also, as we all know, celebrities die in threes, and more often than not, they're related. So let's start the ghoulish speculation -- who's going to round out this '70s triumverate? My money's on slick Hollywood producer Robert Evans. Will the kid stay in the picture? Stay tuned!

For Christmas, I Want The Clap

No, not the Clapper - the Clap. What do you get the kid who has everything? Well, thanks to the folks at giantmicrobes.com you can now get them a plush toy resembling their favorite disease of the past (plague), present (the flu), or potential terror of the future (ebola).

Don't forget about the family dogs as well.

Hat tip a friend at the CDC who point these little fellows out.

Friday Random Ten

Finally, we can reveal just how Santa always knows when you''re sleeping and knows when you're awake. He's got more electronic surveillance out there than the NSA. And from the panicked, wide-eyed look on his face, it sounds like he just overheard something serious. Maybe it's a Bumble plot to assassinate Yukon Cornelius, or maybe he's just found out that the wayward Mrs. Santa has been on Donner, on Dasher, on Prancer and Blitzen. Whatever it is, it doesn't look good.

Alright, Misfit Toys, it's time for the Friday Random Ten.

1. The Arcade Fire, "Haiti" -- Say what you will about the Francophone world -- and, believe me, I've heard what you've been saying -- but those people stick together. Here's a band from Montreal not only singing about Haiti, but adopting a little Carribean steel drum to make the song feel at home. Vous bâtards magnifiques! Je vous salue. 8/10

2. Them, "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue" -- Probably my favorite bit of work from Van Morrison. It doesn't hurt that this was sampled beautifully for Beck's "Jack-Ass" either. 7/10

3. Sleater-Kinney, "Entertain" -- I had some grrrl friends who were really into these ladies a few years back, but I never really caught the bug. Am I alone on this? Is it a sign that I hate women? 4/10

4. The Aqua Velvets, "Spanish Blue" -- This is a fairly straightforward, surf rock instrumental. Not much amazing about the tune, but you've got to love the band name. 5/10

5. The Amps, "Pacer" -- The Amps are one of the forty-eight bands that Kim Deal helped form during the late '90s between gigs with the Pixies. The lone (?) album by the Amps, also named Pacer is solid enough, but for some reason this title track is one of the weaker songs. Eh. 6/10

6. The Velvet Underground, "Sweet Jane (live)" -- A terrific track off the 1969 live album. Not sure what else needs to be said. 8/10

7. J.J. Chauke & Tiyimeleni Young Sisters, "Madyisa Mbitsi" -- South African pop from the '80s, I believe. I have no proof of this, but I'm convinced the opening riffs of this song are what inspired Paul Simon's "I Know What I Know" from the Graceland album. Very nice. 7/10

8. Harry Belafonte, "Will His Love Be Like His Rum?" -- Of all the calypso wedding numbers I have, this is easily my favorite. 6/10

9. The Grifters, "Bronze Cast" -- Some outstanding indie rock from the early '90s, off the album Crappin' You Negative. I shit you not. Anyone know what happened to these guys? 9/10

10. Ray Charles, "Greenbacks" -- This is a great song from his Atlantic sessions in the '50s, a rolling R&B jumper with some catchy hooks and nice vocals. 7/10

Alright, that gives me yet another 6.7 rating. The same as last week, and a couple weeks before that. It seems it's Santa's will to keep me at two-thirds cool, so who am I to argue?

Let's see what you've got this week. Go ahead and drop your own FRTs in the comments below. Remember, the coolness self-audit is optional, but the sacrificial offering of milk and cookies is mandatory.

All's fair in love and war

Say you are reminding a group of 10 year olds that Christmas is really about love and Jesus and all that warm and fuzzy stuff, but those meddling kids just won't shut up about presents. What do you do?

Children left a school Christmas assembly in tears after claiming a vicar said Father Christmas does not exist.

Teachers at St George's C of E Primary in Mossley told the Rev Martin Dowland he had upset children after reading `Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus'.

It was during the reading with colleague the Rev Richard Lindsay, of St George's Church, that Mr Dowland is reported to have said: "You all should know by now that he (Santa Claus) is not real."

This is the nuclear option in the War on Christmas. If Fox News is serious about winning this thing, all they have to do is run big obnoxious graphics telling the world that the jolly old elf is a bunch of hooey.

Going off the rails

Here's some good news from Iraq. Americans handed over security to Iraqi forces in Najaf. And ain't no party like a Najaf security forces party.

As U.S. commanders and guests watched, the burly commandos in dark green T-shirts began taking bites out of the frogs.

One man knelt, placed the rabbit belly-up on his lap, and cut it open with his military knife. He screamed as he bit the rabbit's heart, then handed the carcass to his companions, who began gnawing away, blood flowing down their cheeks.

The ceremony marked the shifting of responsibility for security in Najaf province to Iraqi forces, and was attended by U.S. and Iraqi dignitaries, including Iraqi national security advisor Mowaffak Rubaie.

As we all know, freedom is untidy. I just hope that some of that $170,000,000,000 is used to buy some Bon Ami.

Truth and Consequences

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Pentagon wants the White House to seek an additional $99.7 billion to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, according to information provided to The Associated Press. The military's request, if embraced by President Bush and approved by Congress, would boost this year's budget for those wars to about $170 billion.

Given there are 295,734,134 people in the United States - that comes to about $575 per person for this year alone. With the wife and three kids, the Studiodave clan is on the hook for $2875 to support the Bush foreign policy of 2007.

Good thing they are tackling that Death Tax.

Fuckers.

Kristol Clear

Bill Kristol was on The Daily Show the other night, and Jon Stewart beat him like a goddamned pinata.

Crooks & Liars, as always, has the evidence.

McCain Mutiny

The Decider has decided. He is sending more troops to Iraq. The Washington Post reports:

"I'm inclined to believe that we do need to increase our troops -- the Army, the Marines," Bush said in the Oval Office session. "And I talked about this to Secretary Gates and he is going to spend some time talking to the folks in the building, come back with a recommendation to me about how to proceed forward on this idea."

Not quite the "Let's roll!" and "Mission Accomplished" rush to action with laser-like focus which got us in Iraq in the first place -but, hey, he's our "W".

But enough of the past, what about 2008? John McCain has been considered a GOP front runner since Rove "spun" him out of South Carolina. But 2008 finds him in a very awkward space. He has already stated his support for raising troop levels in Iraq. With Bush's plan to continue to add troops, McCain is making his foreign policy strategy synonymous with Bush's.

While I respect McCain for differing from the masses, the fact is the 2006 election proved the vast majority of Americans are not interested in a larger commitment to Iraq. It is a tough sell when you have been wrong for the last 5 years - specifically trying to convince 275 million people that somehow something new will happen.

McCain may have had some initial support from the press' man love for him in 2000 - but 2000 is a long time ago. And the "W" foreign policy record is ... Christ, what's the word?

Season's Greetings

If you missed Saturday Night Live this weekend, you probably have a more active social life than I do. But that means you missed a seriously funny digital short, whose hilarity was made all the more improbable by the fact that it featured Justin Timberlake.

The audio isn't safe for work, but so worth it. Hey, they're not going to fire you at Christmas, right? Right?

West World

I caught the last half-hour of The Magnificent Seven on TV last night, and it got me wondering -- what's the coolest western film of all time?

Part of me is inclined to stop right where I began and award the title to the Magnificent Seven. I mean, Charles Bronson is in the film, and he's probably the fifth coolest actor in it, behind Steve McQueen, James Coburn, Yul Brenner, and Robert Vaughn. Hell, he might even be sixth if you count perennial badass Eli Wallach. John Sturges does a nice job with the direction, and the action scenes are solid, if not mind-blowing. All true. But the plot is a watered-down rehashing of the excellent Kurasawa classic, The Seven Samurai, and the rest of the acting is poor. (Apparently, in the '60s, all Mexicans thought, spoke and acted like Speedy Gonzales.)

All things considered, I'd probably have to go with an Eastwood film, a qualifier that narrows my choice down to merely half of all westerns ever made. Despite the great work he did in the '70s and the brilliant reinvention of the genre he made with Unforgiven, I think I've got to go with an easy answer: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. An incredible trio of actors -- Eastwood, Wallach, and the evil-mustachioed Lee Van Cleef -- in a beautifully-filmed story. The third part of the Sergio Leone trilogy, this flick runs long enough to be a trilogy of its own, with massive set-pieces (the Civil War battle, the P.O.W. camp) and really intimate stand-offs. Plus, Ennio Morricone adds one of the greatest film scores of all time. (Suck it, John Williams!) So, yeah, that's my choice.

What about the rest of you? What's your favorite western?

Cable Snooze Network

Judging by the breathless coverage on CNN right now, there's some mini-scandal involving Miss USA going to bars before she turned 21. Personally, I'm shocked. I didn't know we still had the Miss USA competition.

Anyway, CNN just gave start-to-finish coverage of the press conference. Yes, start-to-finish, because this wasn't some boring old political speech about the war, the economy, or the fate of our lives, but a vitally important issue like whether or not Miss USA snuck into Tipsy McSurly's and drank a Zima! Besides, Donald Trump is apparently involved somehow, and we all know how rarely we get to see and hear from that reclusive American.

As unnewsworthy as this whole event was -- I hate to ruin the suspense, but Miss USA will keep her crown!!!! -- the CNN anchors treated this like it was the fall of the Berlin Wall. As the press conference came to an end, they wiped the drool from their lips and Tony Harris actually said something to the effect of "Wow! We can beat this issue for hours!" Seriously, if they get any more excited about this, we're going to have our first on-air circle jerk.

Oops, I've got to run. They've shifted from the fifteen minutes of wankery about Miss USA to fifteen minutes of somber updates on those lost mountain climbers. Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, war, scandal, crisis, blah blah blah....

Go to sleep, America! CNN commands you.

Guardian Rangel

Alright, I admit it. I have a giant man-crush on Charlie Rangel.

Hooray for Everything!

Time Magazine has just unveiled its choice for Person of the Year and, guess what? You won!

The "Great Man" theory of history is usually attributed to the Scottish philosopher Thomas Carlyle, who wrote that "the history of the world is but the biography of great men." He believed that it is the few, the powerful and the famous who shape our collective destiny as a species. That theory took a serious beating this year.

To be sure, there are individuals we could blame for the many painful and disturbing things that happened in 2006. The conflict in Iraq only got bloodier and more entrenched. A vicious skirmish erupted between Israel and Lebanon. A war dragged on in Sudan. A tin-pot dictator in North Korea got the Bomb, and the President of Iran wants to go nuclear too. Meanwhile nobody fixed global warming, and Sony didn't make enough PlayStation3s.

But look at 2006 through a different lens and you'll see another story, one that isn't about conflict or great men. It's a story about community and collaboration on a scale never seen before. It's about the cosmic compendium of knowledge Wikipedia and the million-channel people's network YouTube and the online metropolis MySpace. It's about the many wresting power from the few and helping one another for nothing and how that will not only change the world, but also change the way the world changes.

That's right, in a time of turmoil and chaos, in an era of major political changes at home and abroad, in a moment of seismic shifts in geopolitical power, the Person of the Year is a 28-year-old virgin watching YouTube clips of the AfterSchool Special where Helen Hunt does angel dust and jumps out her window, as he passionately edits the Wiki entry on "The Thundercats." A thirteen-year-old girl whose greatest accomplishment is the number of N'Sync references on her My Space page, truly belongs listed alongside the pantheon of world-changing figures like Gandhi, FDR, Hitler, Stalin, MLK, and Pope John Paul II.

You know, Time, if you're going to sneer at the Great Man approach to history -- and I'm right there with you -- then maybe you should simply scrap the whole idea of a Person of the Year, seeing how it seems to privilege the ideas that an individual Man or Woman does Great things. You'd be better off kicking this idea to the curb, instead of reducing it to Everyone Gets a Ribbon Day.

Update: While Time has been busy cheering at the Special Olympics, it seems that Salon not only understands the basic concept of the Person of the Year, but has also made an interesting, thoughtful choice.

Don't Fence Me In

The following story does not -- I repeat, does not -- come from the Onion. Sadly, this is real news.

A fence-building company in Southern California agrees to pay nearly $5 million in fines for hiring illegal immigrants. Two executives from the company may also serve jail time. The Golden State Fence Company's work includes some of the border fence between San Diego and Mexico.

After an immigration check in 1999 found undocumented workers on its payroll, Golden State promised to clean house. But when followup checks were made in 2004 and 2005, some of those same illegal workers were still on the job. In fact, U.S. Attorney Carol Lam says as many as a third of the company's 750 workers may have been in the country illegally.

OK, then. I think my sense of irony just melted.

(Thanks to Shakespeare's Sister for the link.)

"Girls Should Stick to Girls Sports, Such as Hot Oil Wrestling and Foxy Boxing and Such."

Yet another reason I really, really love New York.

Friday Random Ten

At long last, I'm proud to present the many, many, many facets of Roger. Those moods, clockwise from the upper left, are apparently sleazy, skeezy, cheesy, saucy, spacy, and hey, who farted? Look upon them, ye who enter here, and marvel! Bask in the might of their awesome power and their infinite variety!

Alright, time for the Friday Random Ten:

1. Midlake, "Young Bride" -- Holy shit, what a great start. I just discovered this band, and I do believe I'm smitten. Midlake sounds like an odd blend of the airy vocals of Electric Light Orchestra, the offbeat oldschool instrumentation of Arcade Fire and Camper Van Beethoven, the bass and drum beats of the Strokes, and a mystery ingredient that I do believe is Krusty Brand Children's Cough Syrup. Whatever it is, it works. Seriously, stop reading this right now and go listen to this on iTunes. And then listen to their song "Roscoe" too. Wash, rinse, repeat. 10/10

2. Peter Gabriel, "Digging in the Dirt" -- Alright, I've been outed as a closet Gabriel fan. This is a nice funky number from Us, which I think is going to be used as the theme song for the new Courteney Cox show on F/X. Nice choice, folks. 8/10

3. Sam Cooke, "Little Girl" -- He may have been the Man Who Invented Soul, but this is a pretty lame standard number. Eh. 4/10

4. Amy Winehouse, "Rehab" -- Winehouse is apparently the shite right now over in the U.K., a white Brit R&B star who sounds a little like Mary J. Blige and has all the sauciness you'd expect. Plus, it's a song about resisting an intervention. Awesome. 7/10

5. Encore, "It's Time" -- This little hiphop number is catchy as hell. I don't know much about Encore, but if this is a representative sample, I may need to see if they have a promotional pamphlet or the like. 9/10

6. John Lee Hooker, "Back Biters and Syndicators" -- This bluemaster's blood is 100% Type Cool Positive. 10/10

7. The Beatles, "Penny Lane" -- While I like Magical Mystery Tour, this is a song I remember our dirty filthy hippie music instructor used to have us sing in grade school. Plus, it's a Paul song. It is, therefore, irretrievably uncool. 1/10

8. Beck, "The New Pollution" -- Ah, yes, that'll cleanse the palette nicely. Beck may have been seduced by the Dark Side of Scientology, but he's still putting out incredible music. This is from Odelay, which is now my second-favorite CD of his, right behind the life-affirming, thetan-crushing genius of Guero. 7/10

9. Carly Simon, "Why?" -- In my defense, this comes from a CD of music sampled for hiphop tunes. And yet, even I still think I deserve your scorn. 1/10

10. Django Reinhardt, "Blues Clair" -- Good Lord, could that Belgian gypsy play. Reinhardt's skills let him do a wide variety of things with a guitar -- from blistering fretwork to plunking rarely-heard chords, to even making and deep-frying fresh julianned potatoes! Amazing. 10/10

Man, I was all over the place today. I've seen the dizzying highs, the terrifying lows, and the creamy middles. And once again, I wind up two-thirds cool with a 6.7 average.

Let's see what you've got. Drop your own FRT in the comments, or whatever other musical snark you'd like to spread.

Jurassic Prick

Courtesy of TPM, I see that Michael Crichton continues to move deeper and deeper into nutsville.

First, there was his effort to join forces with the Bush White House in insisting that the whole global warming scare is a hoax perpetrated by Wavy Gravy and the Sunshine Freakout Squad and their unwashed hippie allies in the godless, liberal scientific community.

Taken to task for that lunacy, Crichton has decided to strike back at one of his critics with all the nuance and subtlety of a three-year-old. I couldn't decide what to exceprt, so you should just go read the whole thing. His petulent tantrum makes the president look well-adjusted.