The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday.

Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed him with shotgun pellets on Saturday while the two were hunting at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

It's not often that you get a metaphor gift like this. Enjoy.

Update: Courtesy of Pandagon, I'm happy to present this inside scoop about the true identity of the man Cheney shot: Scooter Libby.

Little Brother

Remember the story about George Deutsch, the 24-year-old Texas A&M dropout who was overriding veteran NASA scientists and making them alter their findings and reports to fit the administration's politics?

Well, it turns out he wasn't alone.

James E. Hansen, the NASA climate scientist who sparked an uproar last month by accusing the Bush administration of keeping scientific information from reaching the public, said Friday that officials at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration are also muzzling researchers who study global warming.

Hansen, speaking in a panel discussion about science and the environment before a packed audience at the New School university, said that while he hopes his own agency will soon adopt a more open policy, NOAA insists on having "a minder" monitor its scientists when they discuss their findings with journalists.

To quote the late great Jim Nabors, "Surprise, surprise."

Tim from Balloon Juice has been all over this stupidity, so I'll let him have the final word:

For your own entertainment, draw two boxes on a white piece of paper. In the left-hand box write down all the countries from the last 100 years which insisted that academics and other citizens only speak to the press when attended by ‘minders.’ The US goes in that box. In the right-hand box write down all of the countries that let academics speak freely, including unrestricted access to international meetings. Use Google if you must.

Done? Now tell me whether you’re comfortable with the kind of company that we keep. Thus endeth the exercise.

(Hat tip to the Propaganda Remix Project for the image.)

The Shroud of Turin

Tonight marks the start of the Winter Olympics in Torino. Personally, I'm having a hard time staying focused. Every time a news anchor mentions the word "Torino," I keep thinking of David Starsky's smooth ride or else the landmark "Torino with no wheels" from National Lampoon's Vacation.

I've never really cared about the Winter Olympics. Sure, we all tune in hoping to see a ski jumper go horribly awry and wind up as the new "agony of defeat" guy or, at the very least, a collection of wacky fish-out-of-water Jamaican bobsledders.

However, as we all know, that never happens. Instead of excitement, we get to watch grown men dressed in skin-tight lycra -- cue Ned Flanders -- bound together on a cafeteria tray, hurtling down an icy chute. Or we get the biathlon, where athletes manage to turn skiing and shooting guns -- a combination that worked incredibly well in several Bond films -- into a tedious chore.

And when the action isn't disappointing the viewers, they're being subjected to endless, weepy "Lifetime for Women" vignettes about the athletes. Sheesh. Cry me a river, then let it freeze and go curling on it. Sweep! Sweep like you've never swept before!

The opening ceremonies -- which take place tonight! -- may be the only thing more boring than the actual sporting events. The media kids have been hyping this all week long, but it's a pretty hard sell. "Will the Latvian luge squad be wearing new parkas this year? And what about the bitter fashion rivalry between the Norwegian and Finnish ice dancing teams? There's a fashion stormfront moving in, Katie, and I forecast a 100% chance of fun!" It's like the pre-game show at the Golden Globes, except instead of Scarlett Johansson and friends, we get to see twelve-year-old skaters and arthritic hockey players bundled up in their finest winter layers. It's like hanging out in the parking lot outside a practice rink.

Luckily, for those of you who aren't middle-aged housewives, there's a nice alternative on TV tonight. In an attempt to end the painful breakup as quickly as possible, the idiots at Fox are dumping the final four episodes of "Arrested Development" on the air tonight at 8pm Eastern. They've been getting better and better ever since they realized they had nothing to lose, and tonight's shows should ramp it up even more.

Executive Privilege

I thought I'd better post this now, while the right wing is temporarily supporting edgy editorial cartoons. Who knows how long that window will be open?

Stolen shamelessly from Freedom Camp, where it was stolen shamelessly from somewhere else. Dirty, thieving liberals. They have no shame.

Friday Random Ten

This week's featured album was apparently the result of some Dadaist art collective, pulling random words out of a hat ("... circus ... polka ... clown ... duck ...") to produce the cover art, and then doing the same with the song titles. How else can you explain titles like "Slap Happy Polka" and "Meet the Missus Polka"?

On second thought, the lead-off songs on side two might give a clue to their creative process: "Green Grass Polka" followed by "Dark Cloud Polka." I think we're going to need a urine sample from Chuckles the Clown. Upon closer inspection, that might not be make-up after all.

Anyway.

The disturbing appearance of the clown from Stephen King's It and the Aflac duck can only mean that it's time for another exciting installment of the Friday Random Ten. You know what to do -- set the iPod to random, and give us the first ten songs that surface. And, if you're feeling competitive, toss in a Coolness Self-Audit, too.

Here's mine:

1. Johnny Cash, "The Ballad of Ira Hayes" -- A Columbia era song-story about one of the four soldiers who raised the American flag on Iwo Jima. The story of what happened to those soldiers after their moment in the sun is a tragic one (soon to be a major motion picture, by the way) but the story of Hayes, a Pima Indian, is perhaps the saddest. Cash's song reveals a lot about his liberal sympathies, but it's not much of a tune. 3/10

2. Blondie, "Hanging on the Telephone" -- Classic. What more can I say? 8/10

3. Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, "Blues Explosion Attack" -- This is a collaboration with Calvin Johnson and, once again, I'm let down. This is pretty much Spencer shouting street-corner insanity over a snare drum. Pfft. 2/10

4. Radiohead, "Rhinestone Cowboy (live)" -- A nice gem of a cover from the B-Sides collection. It's hard to do a lot when your inspiration is schlock, but you've got to admire Thom Yorke for going after Glen Campbell and doing it with a straight face. 6/10

5. Shirley Horn, "Return to Paradise (Mark DeClive-Lowe Remix)" -- This is a fairly innocuous remixing of Horn's original jazz tune, the kind of thing you'd find on a Buddha Bar CD compilation. Nice, but not spectacular. 6/10

6. Southern Culture on the Skids, "Mexy-Melt" -- These folks don't normally do the whole surf guitar thing, but you'd never know from this tune. Guitarist Rick Miller is absofuckinglutely on fire here with some angry, unrelenting riffs. 9/10

7. Rocket from the Crypt, "UFO>UFO>UFO" -- Speaking of angry and unrelenting, here's some in-your-grill post-punk from San Diego. I liked "Sturdy Wrists," but this is the kind of screaming cacophony that my father would've referred to as "narcotic music." Bleh. 1/10

8. Ray Charles, "I Got a Woman" -- How's that for an awkward transition? Straightforward Atlantic-era Charles, this is a good song that I can't hear anymore without thinking of Kanye West's "Gold Digger," and, moreover, the "George Bush Doesn't Care about Black People" remix by Legendary K.O. 6/10

9. Sonic Youth, "Ca Plane Pour Moi" -- An interesting cover of the early '80s pseudohit by Belgium's own Plastic Bertrand. The French lyrics seem fun, until you translate them and realize he's singing lines like "Wham! Bam! my cat Splash lies on my bed with his tongue puffed out by drinking all my whisky." Very deep, Felicity. Thanks for sharing. 7/10

10. Jurassic 5, "Break" -- I was in Austin last spring for a wedding the same time that J5 was in town to play a show at Stubbs. Tragically, the show was the same night as the rehearsal dinner, so we couldn't go. Even worse, a friend managed to chat up Charlie Tuna in our hotel lobby just five minutes before I walked in. Stupid timing. Great song. 9/10

That gives me a pathetic 5.7 average. Since I've burned all of our permanent records, I can't say for sure that that's the lowest score I've ever gotten, but it would have to be close.

I know you folks can do better than that. Give us your own Random Ten, with or without your own Coolness Self-Audit, and with or without your own condolences on my incredible uncoolness.

Thwarting an All-Star Team of European Terrorists

U.S. President George W. Bush disclosed new details on Thursday of a thwarted al Qaeda plot to use shoe bombs to hijack a plane and fly it into a Los Angeles building, as he sought to justify his tactics in fighting terrorism.

Hmmm. Hijacking a plane with shoe bombs? And using it to destroy a building in L.A.?

Sounds like Bush has been jumbling together his memories of Richard Reid and the 9/11 attacks with some late-night viewings of Die Hard on the Superstation. I guess we'll have the proof when he signs off a speech with "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers!"

Just Following Orders

Well, this is an interesting development in the Plame investigation:

Vice President Dick Cheney's former chief of staff, I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby, testified to a federal grand jury that he had been "authorized" by Cheney and other White House "superiors" in the summer of 2003 to disclose classified information to journalists to defend the Bush administration's use of prewar intelligence in making the case to go to war with Iraq, according to attorneys familiar with the matter, and to court records.

... Libby also indicated what he will offer as a broad defense during his upcoming criminal trial: that Vice President Cheney and other senior Bush administration officials had earlier encouraged and authorized him to share classified information with journalists to build public support for going to war. Later, after the war began in 2003, Cheney authorized Libby to release additional classified information, including details of the NIE, to defend the administration's use of prewar intelligence in making the case for war.

I'm sure in the minds of White House officials, this statement that Libby had secured approval from his masters in the executive branch -- which, as they like to remind us, is the most equal of the three branches of government -- means that he has a bulletproof defense. As long as his Dark Lord Cheney stamped the wax with his royal signet, what more authority could he need?

Now, I'm not a lawyer and, worse, I don't even play one on TV. But I have a hunch that the Vice President of the United States does not have the authority to declassify National Intelligence Estimates on his own, or leak government secrets to selected reporters, just because he thinks it might help out with the public relations campaign. If Libby is going to insist that Cheney told him to break the law, that seems to be less an exoneration of Libby and more an implication of Cheney.

Kos has called this the Oliver North Defense. Me, I'm reminded of the argument made in defense of another patriot.

Caption Contest

Time for another caption contest.

As we all know, the Hanky Clutching Brigade has succeeded in making Coretta Scott King's funeral this week's outrage. I haven't seen this many panties in a wad since I last visited a Victoria's Secret. (Which, as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.)

Anyway, since they want to talk about this moment, let's get creative. Have at 'em.

Former Navy Boss Webb to VA Beach Bum Allen: Surf's Up

I could swear he declined to run just last week, but James Webb has decided to run against VA Sen. George "That's not a noose hanging in my office, that's a freedom loop" Allen as a democrat.

Webb, who was secretary of the Navy under Republican President Ronald Reagan, resigned in protest of cutbacks in the Navy fleet. He has been a strong critic of the war in Iraq, saying that the Bush administration has never developed an exit strategy. Webb is a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy and served in the Marines in the Vietnam War.

There's already some business guy in the dem side of the race, but methinks Webb will be the man. The fact that Webb is a decorated military man means he will come in for some severe swiftboating, but I feel a lot better about our chances in November with him in the running.

(Thanks to the always informative Carpetbagger Report for highlighting the story)

In Memoriam

As Digby reports, the conservative complaints about the "politicization" of Coretta Scott King's funeral have already begun.

Kate O'Beirne, a shrill harpy whose publishing record suggests she has no business lecturing anyone about civility, made an appearance on "Hardball" today to clutch her hanky and lecture the King family about how they should celebrate their mother's life. I'm sure the Kings would love to get advice from a National Review contributor like Kate O'Beirne. After all, back when Martin Luther King Jr. and Coretta Scott King were risking their lives to advance the cause of civil rights in the South, it was the National Review that had the courage to come out and ask:

whether the White community in the South is entitled to take such measures as are necessary to prevail, politically and culturally, in areas in which it does not predominate numerically? The sobering answer is Yes--the White community is so entitled because, for the time being, it is the advanced race.

Clearly, the National Review has been on the Kings' side for fifty years, and the family should heed their words now.

Anyway, as we all learned during the Paul Wellstone funeral, conservatives love to lecture liberals on how our heroes (and their opponents) should be remembered. Personally, I think it makes sense when honoring someone who sacrificed all their life for a political cause to mention that cause. (And I seem to remember maybe one or two references to the nuts and bolts of the Reagan Revolution during the weeklong national mourning of Ronald Reagan.)

Given the GOP playbook, I'm sure we're going to hear more along these lines in the coming days. Apparently, this comment is going to get a lot of play:

The Rev. Joseph Lowery, who co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference with Martin Luther King Jr., drew a roaring standing ovation when he said: “For war, billions more, but no more for the poor” — a takeoff on a line from a Stevie Wonder song. The comment drew head shakes from Bush and his father as they sat behind the pulpit.

All Americans who don't get their history from Bill O'Reilly will remember that Martin Luther King Jr. offered virtually the same criticism of the Vietnam War, noting that the cost of America's overseas adventure was undercutting the Great Society programs meant to help the poor.

While MLK didn't take this stance until 1967, his wife had already taken a public stance against the war in 1965 and had been pushing him to do likewise for years. After his death, she became even more outspoken in her opposition to the war. (The photo here, incidentally, comes from a speech she gave at an antiwar rally in 1970.)

Given her passionate involvement in the antiwar politics of the Vietnam era, it's not surprising that Coretta Scott King continued her activism in our own time. Although you won't hear it mentioned much in the news, she spoke out early and often against the war in Iraq:

On the eve of the invasion of Iraq in 2003, Mrs. King celebrated the anniversary of birth of her late husband, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., by recalling that the slain civil rights leader had been outspoken in his opposition to unnecessary and unwise wars.

"We commemorate Martin Luther King Jr. as a great champion of peace who warned us that war was a poor chisel for carving out a peaceful tomorrow. We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means. Martin said, 'True peace is not just the absence of tension, it is the presence of justice,'" Mrs. King told a crowd that had gathered at Atlanta's Ebenezer Baptist Church. She continued, "May his challenge and his example guide and inspire us to seek peaceful alternatives to a war with Iraq and military conflict in the Middle East."

Coretta Scott King devoted her life to taking strong, principled stands against what she regarded as unncessary and costly wars -- first Vietnam and, later, Iraq. Through her own speeches and the work of the King Center, she's been a leading figure in the peace movement for the past forty years. And importantly, she framed her continued involvement in antiwar activism as a way to honor and remember her husband's legacy. Why shouldn't her family and friends be allowed to do the same for her memory?

President Bush invoked the name of Coretta Scott King at the start of his highly political State of the Union address, calling her "a beloved, graceful, courageous woman who called America to its founding ideals and carried on a noble dream." At her memorial service, however, he seemed put off that anyone would dare provide details of her courageous activism, or remind us what ideals she and her husband considered worth fighting and dying for.

If we as a nation are going to memorialize Coretta Scott King, let's be sure to get the memory right.

Update: If you want more evidence of how the eulogies to CSK were exactly the kind of thing the Kings would have done, check out this excellent compilation of politically charged comments made by MLK at several funerals of civil rights activists and similar comments made by eulogists at his own funeral.

Plame Game

This is all over the internets, but be sure to check out John Dickerson's Slate article for the latest word in the Plame Game. Good stuff.

Rex Banner

Meet the new mascot for the Department of Homeland Security.

While many people assumed that the striking resemblance of DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff to the Muppets' Sam the Eagle would make the bald eagle an obvious choice for the DHS mascot, the good people there decided instead to go with a different animal. So say hello to Rex the Mountain Lion.

Rex, as you'll notice, is a perfect symbol for this administration's approach to homeland security. He's dressed in military garb and posturing like a tough guy, and his name evokes the royal aspirations of this crowd. But beneath all the posturing, you can see he's just a big pussy.

(Hat tip to Dependable Renegade.)

The Moron Twins*

Although I love slapstick comedy, I sadly wasn't able to watch the "Yes, We Have No Dictators" song and dance routine from Attorney General Alberto Gonzales this afternoon.

But I've had the pleasure of looking over some of his statements, and it's clear just how much he has in common with our president omniscient and wise leader, King George the Awesomest.

At times, Gonzales echoed the president's tried-and-true method of talking to his critics as though they're severely retarded six-year-olds:

"Our enemy is listening," he said. "I cannot help but wonder if they aren't shaking their heads in amazement at the thought that anyone would imperil such a sensitive program by leaking its existence in the first place."

That's right, Timmy. Old Osama didn't even dream that we were using this new-fangled "eavesdropping" technology -- until some sad sack Democrats and Al Qaeda lovers let the secret slip. Let's hope they don't spill the beans about our new "aeroplane" either.

But at other times, Gonzales shifted gear, and spoke to the senators as though they were only mildly-retarded eight-year-olds:

President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale.

If the first statement didn't make it obvious, this one sure did -- President Bush wrote this speech himself. The logic is bad enough, but the grasp of American history is even worse.

First of all, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that perhaps Presidents Washington and Lincoln didn't do electronic anything while they were in office. Second, in his fuller statement, Gonzales smirkingly invoked General Washington's interception of British communications. Hmmm. Didn't that come during the Revolution and before the Constitution? (The Constitution? You know, the guiding legal document of this country? The one you're in charge of?) And third, if you think anything electronic was done on a wider scale in the Victrola era of Woodrow Wilson or the radio days of FDR than it can be now with all of our internets and such, you're insane.

This is the best they've got? Take One: "The terrorists are so relentless and diabolical that we have to destroy our Constitution to stop them, but at the same time, they're so stupid and lazy that they didn't think we'd be eavesdropping." Take Two: "We didn't break the law because other presidents broke it first, even though it hadn't been passed yet."

Right. Again, I sleep the sleep of angels knowing these functional illiterates are in charge.

(* They're not really twins.)

Caption Contest

Time for another caption contest.

Our photo is, as always, shamelessly stolen from Dependable Renegade. She's looking to get a million hits before her first blogiversary, so go take a look.

But do that later. First, try to give this photo of Action Rumsfeld a caption. Remember: You go to sarcasm with the photos you have, not the photos you'd like to have.

It's a Real Base Irony, But It's Still a Hoot

So someone makes a crude stereotype that Muslims are intolerant and violent. How would one react to this? With intolerance and violence, of course.

Yes, I know that it's verboten to draw images of Mohammad and all, but I find it hard to work up much sympathy for the whole "death to anyone who insults my religion" attitude.

What's next? Riots when someone implies the Bible isn't the literal word of God? Smashed windows if one questions the divinity of the Dailai Lama? Widespread looting if someone says the Pope wears a funny hat?

I don't want to dismiss anyone's religious beliefs. I know the issue is complicated and all.

I guess I should not be surprised, however, by the Bush administration's position. When forced to choose between freedoms protected by our Bill of Rights and a bunch of religious extremists, one guess who they side with:

Inserting itself into a dispute that has become a lightning rod for anti-European sentiment across the Muslim world, the United States sided with Muslims outraged that the publications put press freedom over respect for religion.

"These cartoons are indeed offensive to the belief of Muslims," State Department spokesman Kurtis Cooper said in answer to a question.

"We all fully recognize and respect freedom of the press and expression but it must be coupled with press responsibility. Inciting religious or ethnic hatreds in this manner is not acceptable."

I don't think it too far of a leap for them to apply the same logic to a cartoon depicting Jesus decrying the injustice of tax cuts for the wealthy or for starting an unprovoked war.

The world sure has changed since Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses unleashed the fatwas. The death sentence for an author writing a book was fodder for late night TV jokes. Now such anti-humanist attitudes are endorsed by the U.S. government.

Stupor Bowl

As TBogg and Alicublog have both pointed out, the twits over at the National Review Online's aptly-named Corner have overwhelmingly picked the Pittsburgh Steelers to win this weekend's Super Bowl.

Not surprisingly, they've sided with the Steelers not because of any opinions they might have about the team's offense, defense, coaching, etc., but because of the fossilized worldview from the culture wars:

William J. Bennett: Super Bowl? Who am I for?! Seattle is the home of Starbucks, and 38 kinds of designer coffee. Pittsburgh's best sandwich shop serves a huge sub with French fries and gravy inside the sandwich. Who do you think I'm for?

Denis Boyles: I'll sit in Kansas, eating BBQ and wishing for a Penn Pilsner, but happy and certain that the Steelers will completely overwhelm the Starbucks or whatever that team from the capital of soggy self-righteousness is called.

E. D. Hill: After watching my Tom-Brady-idolizing boys start wearing Big Ben jerseys under their shirts to school, I have to go with the Steelers to win 28-21. Scientific, huh?

Now, compare the reasons conservatives use to the ones used at the liberal TAPPED:

Matt Yglesias: With a hurt ankle, Troy Polamalu isn't going to be his usual beastly self on the defensive end. Fullback Dan Kreider plays an underestimated role in the Steeler offense and he, too, will be playing hurt if at all. Last but by no means least, the fact that Pittsburgh is favored at this point largely reflects the statistical naiveté of MSM sports commentary. Yes, Ben Roethlisberger has been awesome so far this postseason. But that's actually the problem. The Steelers' success has relied on Big Ben playing way over his head. If he had turned in an average-for-him performance in any of their three playoff games, they would have lost. And even the best players have below-average games fifty percent of the time. We'll probably see some regression toward the mean, and with it a Seahawks victory.

DJ Francis: The “Stillers,” as they are pronounced, will indeed triumph on Sunday. Led by Big Ben, they will take a commanding lead right from the start, not letting that other team catch their breath. Polamalu will smother the offense like fries on a Primanti Brother’s sandwich. Randle El will wear down the defense and the Bus will simply run over them. And there’s no better figurehead than Coach Cowher. A true bad ass with a chin that could crush small children, he is sure to be covered in Gatorade before that last whistle blows.

Hmmm. Let's compare and contrast.

The conservatives base their argument on tired Red State vs. Blue State cliches from the culture wars. (Tired and inaccurate cliches, I should say, since the heartland heroes that the NRO folks are assuming are part of their world are actually hard-core Democrats. Allegheny County voted 57% for Kerry and Gore in the last two elections.) The liberals, on the other hand, base their argument on an understanding of the game, the teams and the individual players; the histories of each team; and their current state of health.

Hmmm. Conservatives trusting their ill-informed gut. Liberals relying on facts and information. Sounds about right.

As a lifelong Chiefs fan, I don't have a dog in this fight. And on the merits, I'm torn. I think the Seahawks passing game is woefully underrated, and both Holmgren and Hasselbeck know that this is a make-or-break year for the 'Hawks. With Shaun Alexander's contract up for renewal this year, they're either going to lose him or lose some of the supporting talent. The Steelers, meanwhile, are a bit overhyped on offense (Big Ben and Bigger Bettis, especially), though they have amazing talent on defense. This is going to be a close one, but I think the Seahawks will win.

Liar.

As we all know, the media has a chronic inability to call Bush out when he makes a bold-faced lie. They always seem to dance around it. This statement is "technically incorrect," that one is "somewhat misleading," and, of course, "some Democrats disagree" with the president's claims that clouds are made of cotton candy and the oceans are filled with nothing more than cold, crisp Budweiser beer.

But his April 2004 statement that all wiretaps on terrorists were done with warrants, well, that's a flat-out lie. Even by the president's current pathetic defense of the illegal wiretapping program, that's a flat-out lie. So what are the odds the media will describe it as a flat-out lie?

Crooks and Liars has the video. If the Democrats had any sense, they'd talk about this lie nonstop and get this clip running every thirty minutes on the cable news outlets.

Update: I see from C&L that Dan Froomkin is making the same point. Good for him.

Update 2.0: And now I see from Atrios that Eric Alterman is on this too, with an excellent column for the Nation. Must be something in the water.

Update the Third: Sorry to keep adding onto this, but the links keep on coming. I just found an even better video clip at PageOneQ. It has more of the C&L piece, including a prelude where Bush shrugs and says he doesn't understand the law and the audience actually applauds him for his ignorance. Unreal. It also has a press conference where Bush insists he has all the power in the world but, no, he's not a dictator (and shuts up a reporter to say so). Finally, it has a terrific response to it all by Russ Feingold. Worth another look, trust me.

CIA Director Goss: the Turdiest Turd Who Ever Turded

CIA Director Porter Goss, February 2006, regarding leaking of classified CIA information:

"The damage has been very severe to our capabilities to carry out our mission," CIA Director Porter Goss told the Senate Intelligence Committee, citing disclosures about a variety of CIA programs that he suggested may have been compromised.

Goss said a federal grand jury should be empaneled to determine "who is leaking this information."

House Intelligence Committee Chair Porter Goss, October 2003, regarding leaking of classified CIA information (specifically, the outing of Valerie Plame):

"Somebody sends me a blue dress and some DNA, I'll have an investigation."

Turd.

Friday Random Ten

Yes, folks, it's true. God isn't dead, and the lovely Getrude Behanna is here with the proof.

While I haven't listened to the album myself, I'm assuming from the unusual cover art that she's arguing that the antidote to atheism is alcoholism. True, many people end a night of drinking by crying out "Oh God!" when they're embracing a drunken conquest or, alternately, the toilet. But I think she means that the path to salvation comes at the bottom of a bottle. Or ten. As we all know, President Bush only found Jesus after his long sojourn in the shadow of the valley of Schlitz.

Anyway, the ascension of Gert Behanna can only mean that it's Friday, and the workweek is almost done. In no time at all, you'll move from working for the weekend to just plain working the weekend.

With that in mind, it's time for the Friday Random Ten, our little recognition that the light at the end of the tunnel is a cigarette dangling from Keith Richards' leathery lips.

Unless you've been in a coma, you know the rules by now. Take out your iPod -- or your iPod-like knockoff from one of those competing brands like Sorny, Panaphonics, or Magnetbox -- put it on random, and give us the first ten songs. And if you're feeling frisky, throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well.

Here's mine:

1. Talib Kweli and Hitek, "Move Something" -- When Black Star broke up and Mos Def and Talib Kweli went there separate ways, I thought it was clear that Mos Def would emerge as the Darryl Hall to Kweli's John Oates, the George Michael to his Andrew Ridgley, the Paul Simon to his Art Garfunkel. I've heard nothing since the breakup to convince me otherwise, and this certainly isn't it. 4/10

2. Bravo Silva, "400 Days" -- I have absolutely no idea where I got this. It's fairly bland "alternative" music, the kind that would've made an appearance as the bad band of the week at 90210's Peach Pit. Eh. 3/10

3. Zero 7, "Salt Water Sound" -- The nicely atmospheric electronica of Zero 7 is the musical equivalent of really nice wallpaper. You don't really notice it, but it adds a little color and texture to the background while you're focused on other things. 6/10

4. The Roots, "Respond-React" -- An excellent track from Illadelph Halflife. With odd bits like the out-of-key piano at the start and the sparse instrumentation of the main song, this one was an early sign of the inventive approach the Roots would bring to later albums. And it's still damn good. 9/10

5. Wolf Parade, "Lousy Pictures" -- According to the information I've been able to piece together from old oatmeal packets, this band was formed to open for Arcade Fire in 2003 and then toured with them for a while. Apparently, the newborn band must've imprinted on its surrogate mother, because Wolf Parade still sounds a lot like Arcade Fire. And that, of course, isn't a bad thing. 8/10

6. Sonny Boy Williamson, "Ninety Nine" -- Every time I hear Williamson I'm reminded of this story: When I worked as a DJ in college, a friend of mine and I once co-hosted a three hour show on postwar Chicago blues. At one point, he couldn't find his Sonny Boy Williamson discs in the chaos of the studio and, like a three year old, went on air to announce that we would defiantly sit in silence until they were returned to him. Another DJ came running in with them within seconds, but the Sonny Boy tantrum had been displayed. (I never said it would be a good story. But it's still the first thing I think of when I hear SBW.) 6/10

7. Tami Lynn, "Mojo Hanna" -- Good Lord, this is a scorching soul song. If this does not, in fact, make you shake your groove thing, then I'm afraid you're clinically dead. Sweeeeeet. 10/10

8. Marlena Shaw, "Woman of the Ghetto" -- Apparently, Tami Lynn shook my iPod's groove thing, because it's keeping up the relentless rhythm here. This song has been mined to death by hiphop acts -- from the blistering "ging, ginga-ginga-ging-ging" chant at the start of the song all the way through her closing cries of "remember me, I'm the one who had your baby!" And with good reason. Alternately angry and sultry, this is soul at its finest. 10/10

9. Editors, "Munich" -- The Editors, a.k.a. I Can't Believe It's Not Interpol!, are a UK band who sound strikingly like everyone's favorite group from late 2003. If you don't mind generic knockoffs of brand-name products, you'll love this. 7/10

10. Uncle Tupelo, "We've Been Had" -- This is a good enough rocker off Anodyne, but the dueling vocals make it seem like a preview of the imminent Son Volt-Wilco separation. Hmmm. Looks like I've come full circle, back to another band's breakup. 6/10

Alright, that gives me a 6.9 average. Sheesh, if it weren't for Lynn and Shaw, I'd be even lower. I'm imminently beatable this week, so ahead and drop your own random ten in the comments, with or without a Coolness Self-Audit.

In the meantime, I'm going to get started on my own path to salvation. (Let it be noted for the record that the blogger made the "drinky-drinky" motion.)

Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

In an attempt to replace Tom Delay and thereby remove the stench of corruption, D-Con roach killer, and Consort Hair Spray from their ranks, the House Republicans have been engaged in a search for a new Majority Leader.

Hilariously, the first ballot this afternoon had to be scrapped because there were more votes than there were House Republicans at the meeting. I guess it's a little harder to hide the election fraud when you're doing it by paper ballot and Diebold isn't around to help.

But in later ballots, the Republicans picked their man. Roy Blunt, a clone of Tom Delay right down to his helmet hair, had been assuming he'd coast to a victory today, but the ultimate winner was his rival John Boehner.

While Boehner lacks the clammy reptilian creepiness of Delay and Blunt, he does have a last name that should keep Jay Leno's hack writers giggling in glee for a week. More importantly, he doesn't exactly sound like the right man for ridding the Republican House of its taint of corruption:

Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio), a likely candidate for a position in the House Republican leadership if former Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) does not return, has assembled a loyal and effective network of lobbyists.
Boehner formed his alliances on K Street when he served as chairman of the GOP conference from 1995 to 1998, when his portfolio included working with lobbyists on K Street.

“He was a policy traffic cop for the business community,” one of Boehner’s allies said. “When [former Rep. J.C.] Watts [Okla.] won [the election for conference chairman], DeLay, in the whip position, vacuumed in the policy and business outreach. He added staff and translated business outreach into votes, which is something [Missouri Rep.] Roy [Blunt] is doing now.”

Many GOP sources say Boehner would receive strong support from his so-called K Street Cabinet if he decides to run for another leadership post.

So a man who's completely tied up with the K Street Project is going to lead the charge against the K Street Project? Awesome.

Update: I finally figured out who John Boehner reminds me of -- the actor David Garrison.

While I knew and loved Garrison as the comic foil to a young Justin Bateman on the classic '80s crapcom "It's Your Move," he's probably best known for his role as the emasculated and cuckolded neighbor to the Bundy family on "Married, With Children."

Hmmm. I guess that means he'll be deposed by Ted McGinley any day now.