Thursday, February 02, 2006

Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

In an attempt to replace Tom Delay and thereby remove the stench of corruption, D-Con roach killer, and Consort Hair Spray from their ranks, the House Republicans have been engaged in a search for a new Majority Leader.

Hilariously, the first ballot this afternoon had to be scrapped because there were more votes than there were House Republicans at the meeting. I guess it's a little harder to hide the election fraud when you're doing it by paper ballot and Diebold isn't around to help.

But in later ballots, the Republicans picked their man. Roy Blunt, a clone of Tom Delay right down to his helmet hair, had been assuming he'd coast to a victory today, but the ultimate winner was his rival John Boehner.

While Boehner lacks the clammy reptilian creepiness of Delay and Blunt, he does have a last name that should keep Jay Leno's hack writers giggling in glee for a week. More importantly, he doesn't exactly sound like the right man for ridding the Republican House of its taint of corruption:
Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio), a likely candidate for a position in the House Republican leadership if former Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) does not return, has assembled a loyal and effective network of lobbyists.
Boehner formed his alliances on K Street when he served as chairman of the GOP conference from 1995 to 1998, when his portfolio included working with lobbyists on K Street.

“He was a policy traffic cop for the business community,” one of Boehner’s allies said. “When [former Rep. J.C.] Watts [Okla.] won [the election for conference chairman], DeLay, in the whip position, vacuumed in the policy and business outreach. He added staff and translated business outreach into votes, which is something [Missouri Rep.] Roy [Blunt] is doing now.”

Many GOP sources say Boehner would receive strong support from his so-called K Street Cabinet if he decides to run for another leadership post.
So a man who's completely tied up with the K Street Project is going to lead the charge against the K Street Project? Awesome.

Update: I finally figured out who John Boehner reminds me of -- the actor David Garrison.

While I knew and loved Garrison as the comic foil to a young Justin Bateman on the classic '80s crapcom "It's Your Move," he's probably best known for his role as the emasculated and cuckolded neighbor to the Bundy family on "Married, With Children."

Hmmm. I guess that means he'll be deposed by Ted McGinley any day now.

6 comments:

Smitty said...

I shis name pronounced "boner?"

Just checking...

Otto Man said...

Nah, it's pronounced "Bay-ner." But the boner jokes will still fly.

I forgot to add in the post that Boehner is the one who actually went so far as to hand out checks from tobacco lobbyists to congressmen right on the floor of the House. Yeah, no taint there.

Pooh said...

If McGinley is in the conversation, does this mean the GOP has jumped the shark?

Otto Man said...

If McGinley is in the conversation, does this mean the GOP has jumped the shark?

I'd have to say yes. But we'll know for sure when President Bush's evil twin makes an appearance.

Mr Furious said...

All I know is you get extra credit for use of the word "cuckolded."

Thrillhous said...

I second Mr. F. "cuckolded" is a great word.

Having grown up in NC, I got to be around a lot of tobacco plants. Maybe I'm just thinking of this because of Boner handing out the tobacco checks in congress, but to me that pic of him looks just like a tobacco leaf at the curing stage. Give that face a couple more weeks in a humidity-controlled chamber and it should produce a smooth, flavorful smoke.