Thursday, August 09, 2007

Eight Simple Rules for Dating Myself

Mr. Furious has shamed us about our recent lack of posting, and as punishment tagged us with the latest annoying blog meme -- "Eight Random Things You Probably Don't Know About Me."

I'm tempted to answer on behalf of the group, but a lot of those secrets I've sworn to take to the grave. So I'll address myself and let the others bare their troubled souls themselves. (A warning to parents: I-Rod's admissions should not be read by anyone under the age of 18.)

Here goes:

1. My first job was as a fry cook at Burger King at the ripe old age of 15. My co-workers liked to call me "the white kid."

2. I once had real aptitude and ability in mathematics, but it bored the hell out of me and I never explored it further than I had to for my college requirements. These days, I'm lucky if I can balance a checkbook correctly.

3. I'm a lifelong Chiefs fan, which means that I haven't experienced the thrill of victory since 1969, three years before I was born. When "Hank Stram" embodies your team's highlights, that's a sad, sad thing. On the bright side, courtesy of HBO's Hard Knocks series, I'm now getting valuable insight into the Chiefs training camp and an up close look at the impending disappointments of this season.

4. I'm the best parallel parker on the planet. I've had strangers roll down their windows to congratulate me on getting into an impossible spot. Jealous?

5. I had a string of car accidents as a teen -- t-boned by a pickup truck into a parking lot; hydroplaned into a fire hydrant; spun out on an icy patch on a back road, etc. etc. Like my namesake says, though, "Fifteen accidents and not a single fatality!"

6. I've probably seen a couple thousand rock concerts in my time, and as a result, I'm really looking forward to some awesome Pete Townsend style tinnitus when I grow older.

7. I'm a crossword junkie. I can do a Monday crossword from the New York Times in about four minutes, and the wife and I do the Sunday puzzle in pen every week. We usually wind up Googling for the opera clues, but other than that, we're unstoppable.

8. To explain the recent lack of blogging activity, we're expecting our first child -- a little girl -- in two months. We're thrilled, of course, but a lot of my time lately has been spent bracing for the impact. That unassembled baby crib isn't going to curse at itself, people!

Alright, I know I'm supposed to tag other people, but I'm lazy -- see #8 above -- and I'm just going to tap my co-bloggers. You're up, boys!


Mr Furious said...

I wasn't sure if you tore yourself away from KSK long enough to check in here... :-)

In response...
1. My first job was at McDonald's.
2. Always my worst subject.
3. I'm a Pats man. From the Grogan days.
4. I'm pretty good myself.
5. Yup.
6. Since leaving NYC that has really falllen off for me. At one point I actually started wearing earplugs in the smaller/louder venues.
7. I lose patience/interest towards the end of the week when they get too difficult.
8. CONGRATULATIONS! That's exciting news for you and Malibu Stacy. You can't really steel yourself for the experience, just enjoy every minute of it. Changed my life. Go grab a copy of Neal Pollack's "Alternadad", it'll keep you loose.

wfta said...

You sound like my kind of people. I’m down to two puzzles: the NYTSP that comes in our Thursday supplement and a much easier one in the Chronicle’s (Houston) Sunday edition. What I really liked was the cryptiquote, but we don’t get that here.

Congratulation on the baby. Your outlook can’t be too bleak if you opt to bring another human being to the party.

Do you recall where that Superbowl was played?

S.W. Anderson said...

I second the congratulations, O.M. Malibu Stacy.

Parenting is a kick in the head that just goes on kicking, so expect some joy interspersed with recurring headaches.

Thrillhous said...

Wait, you're white?

Otto Man said...

Thanks for all the well wishing on the little Ottoette.

Go grab a copy of Neal Pollack's "Alternadad", it'll keep you loose.

I've heard good things. Looking forward to reading it.

Do you recall where that Superbowl was played?

New Orleans, baby. Tulane's stadium, I think. When the Big Easy calls, you've got to accept the charges!

Wait, you're white?

Only on the outside. And man, is that white.

Otto Man said...

I wasn't sure if you tore yourself away from KSK long enough to check in here... :-)

Yeah, I deserve that.

Comments at KSK take a minute; posts here take an hour. I'd do the math, but well, see #2.

sideshow bob said...

Ok, that's it, man...I challenge you to a parallel parkoff! The Queen herself will drop the checkered flag.

Thrillhous said...

I know you're dying to know my 8. Prepare to be wowed.

1) I have never broken a single bone. I credit that to an extremely lethargic youth.

2) Even though I was too old for it when it first came out, I got a Castle Grayskull. I still have it. In my living room.

3) I'm a cat lover. Not in a Mark Foley kind of way, though.

4) I was bitten by a copperhead snake when I was 13. Pretty much haven't trusted the ground since then.

5) At a book signing, Bruce Campbell had his goons ask me to quit staring at him and to back away. I complied.

6) I'm a huge Bobby Labonte (NASCAR driver) fan.

7) I have eaten dog meat.

8) In high school I played tenor sax.

Otto Man said...

In Thrillhous's defense, the dog had it coming.

wfta said...

Neal Pollack is a very funny writer. His Anthology of American Literature is a hoot. I met him when he and his wife were on their honey moon at a great lodge in NC called The Swag. I lost the Trivial Pursuit championship to him when in a drunken stupor I confused the Bronx Bombers with the Brooklyn Bums, but I think he would admit that the dice were the crucial factor.

Mrs_Thrillhous said...

My first job was at Burger King too. Little did I know it would be only the first time that people would think that my half-Asian self was Latina. Sometimes people would be impressed that I read back their orders to them correctly--could never tell if they expected otherwise based on my looks or previous visits. My favorite orders (and there were a lot) were for whoppers, large fries, and Diet Coke.

Real mathematicians don't balance their checkbooks either. It's not too late to join us, Otto!

T-hous's dog meat consumption was a Peace Corps thing. It has nothing to do with Korean in-laws!

Like T-hous, I've never broken one of my own bones. One of my collarbones was broken during birth (thanks, Mom!), and I once slammed my brother's thumb in a van door (breaking it) and cut short his T-ball season.

I'm allergic to cats, so T'hous can't have a little cuddly friend. I hope the baby suffices. Cats are aloof and selfish anyway.

Mike said...

Congrats on the Ottoette. (But isn't that the name of a CFL team?)

Thrill never broke a bone, but was received a venomous bite from a serpent. Ugh. I'll take the multiple digits on my hand that went one way or another over the snakebite.