That Word Has Another Meaning, You Know

Given McBush's history with former beauty queens, do they really want to see headlines about McBush "tapping" Sarah Palin?

CNN Smackdown

Sweet Zombie Jesus, I wish I'd seen this smackdown of CNN's resident halfwit Soledad O'Brien.

From Media Matters:

During Wednesday's convention coverage, CNN's Jeffrey Toobin and Carl Bernstein seemed fed up with their own profession:

SOLEDAD O'BRIEN (CNN host): Do you think it matters at all -- anyone can jump in on this -- that President [Bill] Clinton will not stay for Barack Obama's speech on Thursday?

TOOBIN: Zero.

O'BRIEN: Really?

TOOBIN: Nothing. Who cares? My God, we fixate on these ridiculous little things.

O'BRIEN: Well, I'm not -- I didn't --

TOOBIN: I mean, I just think it's ridiculous. Who cares whether he's there or not?

O'BRIEN: OK, I asked that tone -- that question in a nice tone, and you're jumping on me.

BERNSTEIN: No, I think -- I think it's part of a larger question, and that is: What is the role of the press, particularly cable news, in this election? And at what point do we tip to a kind of minute picking apart and tea-leaf reading? I'm not even saying your question is --

O'BRIEN: I don't take it personally, don't worry.

BERNSTEIN: -- is -- but I think -- and it's the evening news shows, as well, but I -- and on the Web -- but I think that we need more perspective. We need to step back.

[...]

BERNSTEIN: I think we ought to stop telling people what they need to do.

Sadly, they don't have the video clip there. If anyone knows where to find it, please post it in the comments.

Sarah, Palin and Tall

John McCain has announced his VP pick and it's ... Sarah Palin? Seriously?

For those of you who follow American politics diligently, you probably still have no clue who she is. She's been the governor of Alaska for a whole eighteen months, and before that she was the mayor of a town of nearly eight thousand people! Wow. That certainly pounds home the "experience" argument that the McCain camp has been pushing.

And remember how the McCain campaign has been trying to portray Obama as an empty-headed celebrity? Guess who was Miss Runner Up in the race for Miss Alaska? (Hint: It was not Ted Stevens.) And yet, at the same time, she's somehow unknown. I saw the MSNBC crew and Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson both clueless about how to even pronounce her last name.

Strategically, this makes just a whole lot of sense. Alaska is a swing state with a whopping three electoral votes, and Palin is a die-hard social and economic conservative who will certainly solidify a conservative base that's shrunk by ten points since the last election and will doubtlessly help McCain reach out to independents who will love, love, love her cred as a right-wing ideologue.

Oh, and did I mention that she comes from a state where he party is awash in corruption scandals from head to toe, and she herself is currently under investigation for firing the state's Public Safety Commissioner when he wouldn't follow her pressure and fire her ex-brother-in-law after a messy divorce? Awesome.

Update: Alright, I yield to the folks at Sadly No in the search for proper imagery.

And, while we're at it, the Poor Man has a video clip that shows just how awesome a pick this is. Clueless and corrupt? Holy shit, that's a change from the current crop of Republicans.

Sooo Sensitive

So the GOP convention schedule may be altered because of a hurricane hitting LA. Says a McBush advisor:

Senior Republicans said the images of political celebration in Minneapolis while thousands of Americans flee a hurricane could be disastrous. "Senator McCain has always been sensitive to national crisis," said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds. . . .

Yeah, look how sensitive he was the last time New Orleans was drowning.

Millionaire-Gazillionaire 2008

Oh please please please please please.

Update: Now the talking heads are saying it's not Mittens. Damn. Is it too much to ask for Lieberman at least?

Wordle

Very cool.

Conventional Wisdom

I'm obviously a little biased in this, but I have to say the Democratic convention is going pretty damn well so far.

The first night started out a bit thin, featuring the Nancy Pelosi animatronic robot from the Disneyland Hall of Presidents. But then Ted Kennedy made a terrific stump speech, and then Michelle Obama absolutely knocked it out of the park. (Seriously, if you missed the speech, be sure to watch it.)

I know Mark Warner was technically the keynote speaker, but Tuesday night was all about Hillary Clinton's address. Not just because of the media narrative, but because Warner decided to cell-phone it in with a shitty, shitty talk. Anyway, Clinton nailed it. Say what you will about some of the divisiveness of the primary season, but she couldn't have done a better job. (I know, the media thinks she could have done better. The media, of course, are idiots.)

Last night was the most raucous yet. Bill Clinton dropped the hammer and, judging by the three-hour standing ovation from the crowd, all has been forgiven. And Joe Biden closed things down with a solid turn in the VP spot.

The best speech of the night, though, came from an unlikely source -- John Kerry. You likely missed it, since the cable networks were too busy interviewing random people on the floor (CNN) and having Tom Brokaw lecture us on how no one can criticize John McCain Because He Was Once a POW™ (MSNBC). I guess they assumed that no one interested in the presidential election convention of Democratic Party would ever want to hear from the last presidential nominee of the Democratic Party. But, damn, Kerry was on fire. Wooden delivery, but terrific zingers. Take a look if you missed it.

What'd you think? High points? Low points? Should that godawful band be shot, or simply beaten?

"Everybody's Hugging!"

The Obama campaign has just unveiled a nice set of ads, and they amount to a swift kick to the groin for John McCain. This is the nicest one, and it's still devastating. Suck it, Mr. Burns!

*fart*

I wasn't exactly doing cartwheels when my email alert went off at 3 AM EST that Biden is the answer. Anyone else underwhelmed?

More Please

"I Read It in the Post and the Daily News..."

With all the speculation over Obama's VP pick these days, I thought we might want to revisit the accuracy of these predictions from the last go-around.

A Goldfish with a Lincoln Log

According to news reports, Russell Crowe's next film project is going to be a biography of comedian Bill Hicks.

"I have another project based on the life of comedian Bill Hicks, which is going from treatment to draft stage with Kiwi writer Mark Staufer."

It is understood he is considering playing the main role of Hicks — a controversial and brilliant American comedian who battled drug and alcohol abuse before dying from cancer at 32.

No, no. You read that right. They're making a movie about cult icon and beloved bastard Bill Hicks, and the Gladiator wants to play him.

I'm having a hard time getting a read on my emotions here. I think I'm ... happy?

Hard to say. I think I need to lie down.

This ain't Heaven. This sucks!

So Team Canada isn't exactly tearing it up in Beijing.

The good news is that at last people in the Great White North will soon be able to watch some hot Canadian sex.

Federal regulators have granted Alberta-based Real Productions approval to launch a new digital pornography channel, which promises to serve up at least 50 percent domestic content.

The article doesn't mention which half is Canadian.

The Old College Try

If you're not reading Drew Magary's Balls Deep column over at Deadspin on a regular basis, you should be. This week he pulls his gaze off the NFL, just for a second, so he can dump some haterade all over the top 25 college football teams.

Here's a taste:

11. Auburn

Fun fact: In the entire history of the school, no Auburn student has ever graduated. In fact, they don’t even plan a commencement. Everyone just kind of wanders off campus around March or so.

You know you’re a school that has low expectations when your main source of pride is whether or not you beat Alabama at something. Oh, look Auburn! You won the Iron Bowl! You’re the best school in all of Alabama! Which is exactly the same level of honor as being the lady with the nicest set of tits in a nursing home. Way to go.

The rest is just as good. Enjoy.

Vice Squad

Some very interesting speculation about Obama's possible vice-presidential pick. God, I hope this is true.

Update: Some more reading of the tea leaves, pointing in another, almost-as-interesting direction.

Olympic Fever

In case you've spent the past weekend in a coma or a Tibetan re-education camp, it's my duty to inform you that the Olympics are underway.

I've only managed to catch a few events so far, largely because the thought of sitting through a Bizarro World sport like team handball or the quarterfinals for women's water polo bores me to tears. That said, I did manage to catch some of the swimming finals last night and saw the conclusion of the China-Spain basketball game this morning. Hell, I even got into an archery match. (The remote was too far away.)

Anyway, it seems there's been some genuine athletic excitement. What have I missed? What are people looking forward to? Is it true the Chinese government built the athlete's dorms out of dissidents?

Isaac Hayes, 1942-2008

It's my sad duty to report that Isaac Hayes has just passed away at the age of 65.

Often underappreciated, Hayes had tremendous range and a good sense of himself. As a singer, he gave us songs as varied as the driving funk of "Hyperbolicsyllablecsesquedalymistic" and the South Park ditty "Salty Chocolate Balls." As an actor of somewhat limited talents, he still rocked it in everything from actual blaxploitation flicks like Truck Turner to mock blaxploitation flicks like I'm Gonna Git You Sucka to self mockeries like Chef from South Park.

Speaking of his acting career, I noticed this line from his obituary:

He had recently finished work on a movie called "Soul Men" in which he played himself, starring Samuel Jackson and Bernie Mac, who died on Saturday.

Watch your back, Sam.

Sports Notes

Never been a big Favre fan, and I was happy to see him retire. The TV bloviating over the end of an era was nauseating, but at least it was the end. And now a perfectly good summer of Orioles baseball thinking about football has been ruined by nonstop Favre. And now he's playing again? Save me, Jeebus.

I love Michael Wilbon on PTI, but I'm very happy not to have Kornheiser on with him. Gets old after awhile, and it's not just the Favre love.

Are the DC Nationals the baseball equivalent of the Atlanta Hawks?

I'm pretty hepped up about USA basketball. I know some people (ahem Otto ahem) are anti-Coach K, but it looks like he's getting his stars to play together and not all try to dunk at once. The big thing to watch for is defense, which they actually play in Europe.

Have any of you ever heard of Colin Cowherd and/or his radio show on ESPN radio? The dude sucks, and my station just picked him up. Who's on the other sports radio station at that time? Tony Kornheiser.

Does anyone know or care who just won the Tour de France?

Pwned

It just gets worse and worse for McMaverick™ these days.

Update: And worse. I had no idea the DNC had a functioning sense of humor, but this one's good.

Pardon My Zinger

How bad are things going for the McCain campaign? Bad enough that John Kerry is mocking them:

“I don’t know if you know this,” joked Kerry, “John McCain is looking for someone for vice president who has more economic expertise than he does. So congratulations to all of you, you’re on the short list.”

As we all know, John Kerry couldn't land a joke if his life depended on it. This is the political equivalent of getting a wedgie from Martin Prince.

McCain 2008: If You Can Read This Slogan, The Bitch Fell Off

For some reason, John McCain visited a biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota.

I'm not sure why. Maybe his campaign is flailing so badly they felt the need to shore up their support in the Stone Cold demographic. Maybe getting fifty thousand Harleys to rev their engines is part of his new "Fuck It, Let's Tap This Bitch Dry" energy plan.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is part of his effort to win over all those women who supported Hillary Clinton in the Democratic Primary:

McCain felt so comfortable at the event that he even volunteered his wife for the rally’s traditional beauty pageant, an infamously debauched event that’s been known to feature topless women.

“I encouraged Cindy to compete,” McCain said to cheers. “I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip.”

I guess once you've called your (second) wife a "cunt" and a "trollop," it's not that far a step to ask her to slut it up in hopes of getting some votes.

Personally, I think McCain's so steeped in shoveling bullshit this season that getting his wife to win the "Miss Buffalo Chip" title just seemed like a natural extension.

Update: It's actually worse than I thought. Here's a clip of last year's Miss Buffalo Chip contest. Call me an elitist, but holy fucking Christ is it inappropriate for a presidential candidate to say his wife should be in this thing.

The Onion

Damn funny. And late-career Marlon Brando is about the right weight to play him in the film version!

Daily Show: Dick Move of the Week