Better Get My Cold Cream Gun!

So, I'm willing to admit the press gets a little out of control from time to time (see Israel post below) - but to claim that during one of the more intense press moments in modern history (2000 Presidential election in Florida) , the press had time to doctor photos to make it look like you (Katherine Harris) wore more make-up is absurd. Mind you, not Karl Rove "not possibly involved in leaks" absurd, but still absurd. If the intent was to slander, there is a Rove rolodex full of tips - drugs, interracial sex, etc.

Bob Novak: Douchebag of Liberty

On CNN's "Inside Politics" this afternoon, Bob Novak got flustered with James Carville, said his comment was "bullshit," took off his mike and stormed off the set. Guess he had a busy day of destroying our intelligence operatives, and it made him cranky.

Media Matters has the video clip here.

Israeli Is To Extremist As Arab Is To.....

I am not a Jew. My Democratic leanings and background studying WWII history make me pretty sympathetic to pro-Jewish issues.

However, this "Israel thing" has me a little confused. I know there is no clear right and wrong in the Middle East, but Israel just seems to be increasingly heavy handed with this Great Wall Part Deux and all. (I know, an American is throwing rocks in a glass house calling someone else heavy handed in the Middle East).

But with the terrible news today that Israeli citizens killed Arabs, I had an interesting observation. Most media outlets are calling the Israelis "extremists," whereas I feel fairly confident had they been Arabs, they would "terrorists."

That is a serious distinction. If we are going to deal with global terrorism, we need to understand it. Shame on you, New York Times, for not knowing better.

"I Signed My Name!"

(Photo and title stolen shamelessly from Dependable Renegade, a new addition to our blogroll.)

Ohio $.02

So much has been made over Hackett's near-loss in Ohio's 2nd district and about how it means that Dems can win anywhere and that the Repubs are on the wane. One huge point that everyone mentions but glosses over its importance is that Hackett is a soldier fighting in Iraq. This is huge rock-star status in GOPland. Hackett's near-success should be credited to the GOP's formula of (criticize anything about the war in Iraq) = (Terrorist lover) backfiring on them. Oh, sure, they desperately tried to smear Hackett, but it obviously didn't work.

The Dems cannot expect to do this well in red areas of the country unless they plan on running Iraq War veterans in every race.

Chappelle Done?

So says Charlie Murphy.

Time to face the facts: Dave Chappelle's hit Comedy Central series isn't coming back, says one of its stars. "`Chappelle's Show' is over, man. Done," comic Charlie Murphy told TV Guide. "It took me a long time to be able to say those words, but I can say it pretty easy now, because it's the truth."

The Real Adventures in Bizarro Land

I titled a recent post about Michael Barone's spin on Watergate as "Adventures in Bizarro Land," but I've recently discovered another group of GOP groupies who've left Barone and all semblance of sanity in their dust.

There's a new comic book out there, called "Liberality," in which a select group of bio-engineered conservative talk show hosts -- headed by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North -- does battle in the year 2021 against the evil forces of liberalism that are headed by President Chelsea Clinton and Vice President Michael Moore and in alliance with the evil one-worlders of the UN and global statesman Osama Bin Laden.

Read that sentence again. Makes the bare-bones plot outline of "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" seem plausible, right? I mean, I'd accept a talking wad of meat before I'd buy the concept of G. Gordon Liddy, Avenging Superhero. Just look at it:


Anyway, here's just a tiny sampling of the comic's paranoia synopsis from their website:

Tomorrow is September 11, 2021, the twentieth anniversary of the horror of 9/11, or as it has become more politically correct to say “the unfortunate events resulting from the uprising of middle-eastern fundamentalist Islam”. Just days before his arrival in NYC, Bin Laden made a brief visit to Iraq, now a nuclear power that is run by the vicious Uday Hussein. In Iraq, Bin Laden received a tactical nuke that is now contained in his private diplomatic briefcase. Bin Laden plans far more than an apology at the Unity Tower.

F.O.I.L. has become aware of Bin Laden’s plot to destroy NYC and has devised a plan to stop him while simultaneously gaining permanent control of LIB’s satellite network. Unfortunately, U.N. Forces have discovered the secret location of the F.O.I.L. Lair. It is a race against the clock to save NYC from a nuclear holocaust and the world from liberal domination. Only with F.O.I.L.’s help, can “Liberality For All” once again become “Liberty For All!”

Only conservatives could control every aspect of U.S. government and still feel the need to complain in graphic detail how everything would've been much, much worse under the dominion of evil liberals, who would've cozied up to Osama and not avenged 9/11.

Well, thank God here in our reality we had the firm leadership of President Bush, who caught, convicted and executed Osama Bin Laden in record time and simultaneously avenged 9/11 by invading a country that had nothing to do with the attacks.

You are getting very, very nauseous

So apparently you can brainwash people into disliking food. This brings us some ethical issues that I never would have thought of if not for this guy:

"How would the child feel later on once you told them how you had manipulated them into eating their vegetables?" he said. "If you're going that far, why not use Photoshop to doctor their childhood photos to show them having problematic experiences with junk food?"

For that matter, Stock added, "it would be much simpler to give kids the offending food — a McDonald's burger, a pizza, whatever — and put a little something on it that makes them harmlessly sick … then you would really affect their eating."

I never thought of that -- what a great idea! Every time your kid wants ice cream, pour syrup of ipecac all over it. Voila! No more sharing with that ungrateful brat!

Actually, what really stunned me about this article was not the whole make-you-like-asparagus thing (though I would eat it just for the nifty side effect). I was shocked that "scientists" were "implanting false memories." That scenario has bad scifi written all over it.

P.S. The LA Times has the Worst. Registration. Process. Ever. Use bugmenot.

Science?! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Science!

In the latest chapter of the Bush administration's ongoing War on Science, President Bush has come out in favor of the teaching of the "intelligent design" theory of the Earth's creation. "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," Bush said. "You're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, the answer is yes."

This is yet another bold initiative from a bold leader, and one that shouldn't simply be confined to the science classroom. In all other fields, we should apply the same approach, teaching side-by-side the theory that all the experts agree on, and the theory that some ill-educated mouthbreather believes in. If we don't, then we'll be guilty of persecuting Christians. Again.

In history class, for instance, we should teach that the North won the Civil War, and then that the South won, and let the students decide. Teach students that FDR led Allied forces to victory over Adolf Hitler, and then teach that he led the A-Team to victory over Col. Decker, and let the students decide. Teach them that Martin Luther King delivered his powerful "I Have a Dream" speech, and then that he delivered the powerful guitar solo in Aerosmith's "Dream On" and let the students decide.

Seriously, I don't know about you all, but between the creationism, the denial of global warming, and all the stem cell stuff, I'm really looking forward to my geriatric days, when my doctor will tell me we have two course of treatment to heal my broken hip -- saying the rosary or a good, old-fashioned leeching.

(For more thoughts on this nonsense, check out a classic post from Norbizness. Now with 100% more Tom Wopat!)

Update: Wonkette has a brilliant line on this mess: "Teaching it as 'alternative' to evolution is a little like teaching magic as an alternative to physics, which at least would at least explain the president's belief in the missile defense program."

The Simple Life

For those of you who like to pass the lazy days of summer with some light literature, we're proud to offer you two sources of summer reading that are easier to digest than the "articles" in Us Weekly.

First off, the winner of this year's Faux Faulkner Contest, a short story called "The Administration and the Fury." It's an excellent recreation of Faulkner's stories of idiotic man-children, this one featuring a president named Georgie. (Thanks to Tbogg.)

Second, a tale with a central character who has the same level of intelligence, the Hulk's Blog. Or as Hulk call it, "Hulk's Diary That Is On the Internet." (Thanks to Kung Fu Monkey.)

Enjoy!

The Rush of Drugs

Howard Stern took a trip down memory lane today, playing an audio clip of one of Rush Limbaugh's old rants against drug users. Hysterical.

Crooks and Liars has the audio here.

Adventures in Bizarro Land

Courtesy of TPM, I'm happy to bring you the alternate reality of conservatives. Michael Barone has a piece out noting that "Bush Bashing Fizzles". The title alone is enough to raise eyebrows, when you consider that Bush's approval ratings are now at their lowest ever. But as TPM notes, the real sign that Barone has crossed over to a realm where Spock is sporting a badass goatee is this brief treatment he gives to the History of St. Richard the Crooked:

Richard Nixon, by obstructing investigation of the Watergate burglary, unwittingly colluded in the successful attempt to besmirch his administration. Less than two years after carrying 49 states, he was compelled to resign.

"Unwittingly colluded"? Man, if only we had some systematic documentation of what went down in the Oval Office after the Watergate break-in -- I don't know, maybe some sort of tape recording machine whose results had been known for three decades now -- then we could probably evaluate Nixon's true complicity in the scandal. But I guess we'll never know.

And Barone's certainly right that Nixon was brought down not because of his own crimes, the crimes he ordered others to commit on his behalf, the actions of Republican Judge John J. Sirica, the investigations of bipartisan panels in Congress, or the urging of Republican stalwarts like Goldwater who put their country above their party. No, it was all because of the Op-Ed page in the New York Times, and all them mean liberals who wrote such hateful, hateful things there.

Jeebus. Pass the hookah, dude.

Scratch A Liberal, Get a Fascist -- Part 1

I'm sure you have heard that one before. In fairness, just as there are far right wingnuts in the GOP; God knows, we got them in the Democratic Party. From many of the posting about the DLC convention, you might assume it was the cause of all problems -- losing elections, vague platforms, poor candidates, & Nancy Grace.

Well, I'd like the Democrats to think a little more creatively about policy, and I have the sense that much of this is heresy to some core liberals. But here goes:

#1 Affirmative Action. From our friends at Wikipedia, they define it as:

"a policy or a program providing advantages for people of a minority group who are seen to have traditionally been discriminated against, with the aim of creating a more egalitarian society. This consists of preferential access to education, employment, health care, or social welfare."

I wouldn't imply that racism or any of the other "isms" are fixed, my issue is more with (a) is this policy working (still?) and (b) even if it is still working, is it creating more problems than it is fixing? If this policy is an attempt to force a fix on current services that aren't working - e.g. funding urban public elementary and child care services, does this compound the previous problem of fair social services?. This would be a fair program to correct the social ills for a "lost generation" between the '50s/'60s, but what should the criteria be for ending this program all together?

Here in Atlanta, we have a law that there is to be preferential treatment to city contracts to be selected if they are minority owned businesses. This is where my particular issue is, because I am having to directly pay more in taxes to pay minority contracts. I don't have statistics, but I would assume we are also trading off quality (thus controlling long term costs) by placating this minority contract criteria. So, where does this stop?

Open questions:
What are the criteria to end the program?
Are there some programs which should continue to receive support? If so, which ones?
Are there some programs which should be ended? If so, which ones?
Is the Bill Campbell legacy for government contracts a correct one?
Should the Democrats embrace change in policy?

Saturday Night Geekin'

Okay, let's chill the wonking and up the geeking tonight. Allow me to introduce a couple fun compuker programs.

We all know and love Google maps, especially their satellite feature. Well, you knew it wouldn't be long until Microsoft tried to steal their thunder. And as you'd expect, the Microsoft version, called Virtual Earth, is pretty danged cool. Not really better than what Google offers, just slightly different. I think the satellite map images are a little sharper with the MS version.

But Google hasn't stood pat; they've introduced a wicked cool product called Google Earth, which is like their satellite maps on steroids. You can zoom very deeply (is that the right term for zooming?) on areas all around the world, from the pyramids to the Great Wall to your grandpa's house (I could even make out my Aunt's and Uncle's car out front!). You have to have high-speed internet, and there's a download of about 10 megs. Lots of fun.

A little farther off the beaten path is the Konfabulator, which is an application that allows you to customize your desktop in ways previously unheard of (at least for PC users; Konfabby's been on Macs for years). It basically bells-and-whistle-izes your desktop with various little plug-ins, called widgets, that do things such as show the weather for the next week, report the traffic conditions in your metro area, and illustrate the phases of the moon. Yeah, I thought it was pretty dumb too until I saw it installed on a friend's computer. I think the word that best describes it is nifty. It won't change the way you compute, but it just might improve the quality of your life a little. The download is around 9 megs, and a couple of the widgets (such as the weather and traffic ones) do require real-time access to the internet.

Each of these programs is worth checking out if you've got some time to kill while your turtle porn is downloading.

Back in the New York Groove

For those of you who aren't in the fabulous New York metropolitan region, here are a couple sites that'll help you pretend you are.

First, via Kung Fu Monkey, a feature called "Alien Loves Predator." Hysterical stuff, and it captures the NYC experience better than anything short of getting mugged. Do yourself a favor and read it from the beginning. (Click the image below for a better look.)


Second, courtesy of Malibu Stacy, is Overheard in New York. It's just like being on 14th Street, but without the overpowering smell of urine and falafel! The hobo rants alone are worth the visit.

And, yes, this post was just an excuse to get I-Rod's ancient dildo off the front page. It was starting to creep me out.

Is It Genetic?

Now THAT'S an inanimate carbon rod to be proud of! (If you're into that sort of thing.)

Ancient phallus unearthed in cave

By Jonathan Amos BBC News science reporter

A sculpted and polished phallus found in a German cave is among the earliest representations of male sexuality ever uncovered, researchers say.

Friday Random Ten

Once again, it's time for the Friday Random Ten. You know the rules by now -- take out your iPod (or, for Yankees fans, your aRod), set it on random, and give us the first ten pearls of wisdom that drop out of that thing. And if you're feeling frisky, go ahead and include the coolness self-audit.

Here are mine.

1. Curtis Mayfield, "Keep On Trippin'" -- If there ever was a Patron Saint of Cool, it would have to be Curtis Mayfield. This is one of his mellower tunes, but as the man says, just keep on trippin'. 8/10

2. Cheap Trick, "Surrender" -- This song always makes me think of Mike Damone scalping tickets in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." A rocker about drugs, lesbians and life in the sunny '70s. 7/10

3. Wesley Willis, "Rock and Roll McDonalds" -- If you've never heard of Wesley Willis, he's a middle-aged, overweight, schizophrenic, homeless guy who "sings" about everyday life over a Casio keyboard. It's like they made a Broadway musical about the crazy guy at the bus station. So bad it's good. 9/10

4. Mudhoney, "Good Enough" -- One of their later songs, a little less grungy and a little more strummy, but still full of that Mudhoney flavor. Anyway, the title says it all. It's good enough, OK? 7/10

5. Magnetic Fields, "Take Ecstacy with Me" -- This is what pop music would sound like in a perfect world. Beautiful stuff. 9/10

6. Sufjan Stevens, "The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts" -- A sweet folk song about Superman, off the new CD "Illinoise." Folk is, I understand, inherently wimpy. But folk songs about the Man of Steel? Not wimpy. Suck it, Luthor. 8/10

7. Mötörhead, "God Save the Queen" -- There's something about the bloated, semi-conscious corpse of Lemmy screaming well-wishes to Her Royal Highness that just works incredibly well. I think Tony Blair should have him perform this at state dinners. 7/10

8. Jay-Z, "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" -- Yeah, you'd better turn the music up in the headphones. I know he's about as establishment as hiphop gets these days, but this is a great tune off a great album. 7/10

9. Death Cab for Cutie, "Title and Registration" -- This may be my favorite song of the decade. The band loses points for winning the hearts of "O.C." preteens everywhere, but not even that level of mainstream exposure can bring this tune down. 9/10

10. Dead Kennedys, "Moral Majority" -- Easily the best '80s punk song written about Jerry Falwell. Sure, there are a lot of great contenders out there, but this is the best. And still, I'd give it just medium marks. 6/10

Overall, the scores here give me a mighty 7.7 average. Checking in with the Cool-o-Meter, that puts me somewhere between Isaac Washington on the "Love Boat" and Isaac Hayes in "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka." Can I get one rib?

Alright, boys and girls, you know the routine. Drop your own random ten in the comments, with or without the coolness self-audit.

Faux News

Just when you think Fox News can't sink any deeper, they give it that old College Republicans try. Crooks and Liars has a video clip in which a guest reaches deep into his colon and pulls out a theory that the Brazilian man killed by the London police was, in actuality, an al-Qaeda agent sent out to make racial profiling look bad. It's a short clip, so you can't hear the part where he blames it all on Clinton's penis and the Trilateral Commission, but still, worth a look.

Skyline Chills

It looks like Paul Hackett has a chance in the Ohio special election this Tuesday. He's within 5 points, in a district that normally has just a 30% Democratic vote. And the Schmidt campaign is going crazy. How crazy? For starters, her campaign manager might be a dominatrix an S&M enthusiast, and might or might not have just resigned.

If you want to help unfuck the donkey, as I-Rod notes below, this is a good place to start. Hackett is a tough, no-nonsense Democrat and he'd be a great addition to Congress.

So click here to donate to the cause. Or, if you happen to live in the area -- Yossarian, I'm looking at you -- think about clicking here and volunteering. Rocketman John Glenn is asking you to serve. How can you say no?

Unfucking the Donkey

It's simple.

via Atrios (again)

Update: Digby has some great thoughts on this theme, and more from Perlstein.