Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Mass Scots

Courtesy of Deadspin, I see that Carnegie Mellon University is trying to come up with a new mascot.

The fine people of Carnegie Mellon currently don't have an official mascot, although they do have an incredibly awkward nickname -- the Tartans. While I think the kilt-wearing, haggis-chomping, nae-saying, grounds-keeping Scots would be a great inspiration for college teams (especially women's field hockey), apparently the fine people of CMU aren't sold. They're probably worried that Scotland will object when the Decider announces that we're invading the Vatican and there'll be a backlash to all things Scottish. We'll be busy switching over to patriotically-correct terms like Freedom Liquor and War on Terror Terriers, but they'll be stuck forever with the Scottish taint. (Man, that sounds wrong. Ugh.)

Anyway, they're accepting nominations for a new mascot, so I thought we might make this an open discussion among the criminal perverts and/or shut-ins who make up our readership.

Personally, I think there's got to be a good mascot to be found in their founders, steel magnate Andrew Carnegie and aluminum magnate Andrew Mellon. The Philandering Philanthropists? The Tin Men? Metallica? Andy Andy?

Or maybe we should focus on the student body, which, if my college application memories are correct, is generally composed of earnest engineering and math types. The Mathletes? Team Excelsior? The CMU CPUs?

As you can tell, I'm not feeling very inspired, but I'm sure we've got a winner out there. Drop your suggestions in the comments.


Anonymous said...

I'm with you on the Scotsman idea. He could call himself The Fookin' Coont.

But in honor of Carnegie, perhaps The Pinkertons?

Maybe they could call their cheerleaders The Carnegie Melons?

Otto Man said...

Excellent suggestions, Mike. I'd be surprised if there weren't some form of the Carnegie Melons on campus.

Surprised and saddened.

Thrillhous said...

How about that little dancing girl dressed in a bee suit from the Blind Melon video?

I'm tapped. All I can think of is the line from the Simpsons where Grandpa yells at Homer "Quit yer daydreaming, melonhead!"

Anonymous said...

"If it's not Scottish...IT'S CRAP!!"

Isaac Carmichael said...

The Deciders?

The Lily-Livered, Silk-Wearin', Bath-Takin' Buttercups?

Wes said...

Team Discovery Channel!


Otto Man said...

I think Wes may have the winner. That's the direction I was heading with Team Excelsior, but I couldn't nail the landing. Well done, sir.

Anonymous said...

What about the Virgins? I gotta think that there's a lot of Lord of the Rings and WarCraft up in there! I kid b/c I could have never gotten in...:( Wow,I'm a nerd goupie.

Noah said...

...among the criminal perverts and/or shut-ins who make up our readership

And the drunks. Don't forget the drunks.

All I can think of is "Heeeeeed! Loo' at his heed!"

"He cries himself to sleep on a huge pillow!"

Otto Man said...

I forgot about that classic, Smitty. Maybe we should go with the Dad's favorite band from that movie -- the Carnegie Mellon Bay City Rollers.

S-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, Night! S-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, Night!

Mrs_Thrillhous said...

Otto--for a more modern spin, they could use the band that covered that song: the Carnegie Mellons Ned's Atomic Dustbins (C Me NADs).

Scott said...

You leave my taint out of this!

Anonymous said...

Ned's Atomic Dustbin!!!! Whoa, a blast from the distant past.

Kill Your Television was their big hit, right?

Otto Man said...

I was flipping channels last night and stumbled across the Victoria's Secret fashion show -- goodbye, remote! -- right as they were doing a kilt-themed segment. Mini-kilts, tartan bras, you name it.

After viewing this segment, I would like to formally request that CMU keep the Tartans nickname.

Anonymous said...


My stars! But, the question that needs to be asked: wearing them in the traditional Scottish manner?

Otto Man said...

Sadly, no. They were short enough that I would've been able to tell.

"Yeah, you can hardly see them nipples!"
"And these guys are really looking."