Tuesday, December 05, 2006

What Would You Do For $100,000?

As the LLPON.com crew can attest, I admire laziness. If I didn't have a wife and kids, I would be making the Big Lebowski look like a go-getter. So it amazes me to learn of a man who would be willing to lower himself further than even *I* could tolerate.
TACOMA, Wash. -- For nearly 20 years -- ever since Pete Costello was 8 -- his mother has collected disability benefits on his behalf. In meetings with Social Security officials and psychologists, he appeared mentally retarded and unable to communicate. His mother insisted he couldn't read or write, shower, take care of himself or drive a car.

But now prosecutors said it was all a huge fraud, and they have video of Costello contesting a traffic ticket to prove it. "He's like any other person trying to get out of a traffic ticket," Assistant U.S. Attorney Norman Barbosa said Tuesday.
Impressive. So, folks, what's the lowest thing *you* have ever done for money?

(Please note IRod - I know your answer and if it doesn't appear in 2 days - I'm posting!)

20 comments:

Yossarian said...

True stuff - fresh out of college, I was pretty broke (meaning really, really, really broke) when a friend suggested that we both sign up for a week long drug study. We went down and it turned out that he didn't qualify because he smoked, but I made the grade.

For the next week, I had blood drawn every other hour and had to give urine samples every four hours while eating less than 1200 calories a day and I was not able to do any thing that could be considered "exercising" (like walking around the room). The study was to see how long a certain drug stayed in an average hospital patient's bloodstream.

By the end of the week, I lost 10 pounds and had more track marks than William S. Burroughs, but I was $1200 richer.

Otto Man said...

Uh .... worked at a Burger King?

Smitty said...

I worked for a Republican member of the state legislature.

Mr Furious said...

Did the drug test thing while IN college. Went once a week to an office in Westchester for eight (?) weeks or so, had blood drawn periodically during the day, urine collected and EEG terminals pasted to my head to be plugged in throughout the day...

I think (hope) I was testing a non-addictive variation of valium, and I think I was getting the placebo, because my roommate suffered an array of headaches and side effects of which I had none.

When I wasn't plugged into something or having fluid drawn from my body I got to watch movies and play Nintendo all day and eat chicken cutlet sandwiches...

I think I got a thousand bucks.

--

BK? It was McDonald's at 16 for me...

Mrs_Thrillhous said...

I too worked at Burger King (also at 16), but I rank the job alongside tutoring overprivileged kids for the SAT and manning the assembly-line-like dishroom in the dining hall (where I could spend a whole evening removing silverware OR cups from people's trays).

During my final (ninth) semester of college, I manned a credit card application booth during several football games. I accepted $8/hour to get other students to trade their souls for a T-shirt. I can sleep at night only because I didn't actively call anyone to the table---free T-shirts + alcohol = plenty of business. (I never understood people who could be drunk by noon.)

At the end of the shift, I got a shirt without having to fill out an application, but I think T'hous has stolen them. And because of baby T, I'm not really sleeping at night anymore. I probably spent the money earned on beer. So I got nothing left.

While I'm here...The beginning of my brief BK stint coincided with a stash of cash going missing. It was theorized (probably by the thief) that I was the culprit, because (a) I learned the register too fast (pushing the Whopper button when someone ordered a Whopper?) and (b) the cash in my drawers matched the computed totals exactly. Therefore, I must have masterminded the computer system with a program written with the register buttons.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

Welcome back Mrs T -- I hope that Baby T got as little genetic material from Mr T as humanly possible.

I never understood people who could be drunk by noon.
You have obviously never discovered the wonders of Bloody Marys or Mimosas. Why do you think brunch is so popular? It's not the slice of cantaloupe.

I'm a little nervous about what SD is implying about my money hustling. I was a regular plasma "donator." You have a needle in your arm for 45 minutes and get $25 to buy a couple cases of Beast. What's more, your tolerance was way down from the removal of a liter of fluid from your bloodstream. Win/Win.

Finally, a cool word verification: ooandy

Otto Man said...

I was working the BK at the ripe age of 15. I still have the fryer scars to prove it.

I'm not sure if it was on my name tag, but I was generally known by my co-workers as "the white kid."

Mike said...

what's the lowest thing *you* have ever done for money?

With every day that passes, this whole "lawyer" thing starts to qualify.

Thrillhous said...

I married Mrs. T.

Wes said...

Taught elementary school at two parochial schools. One was in rural SW Ohio, and wasn't too bad. (I grew up in a rural area, so I knew what those kids were going through.) The other was in suburban SW Ohio, and was as close to hell as I've ever been.

Though, to be fair, I believe Smitty had the worse job.

WF

Yossarian said...

Smitty has my vote too.

Otto Man said...

When Smitty dropped that confession, I just assumed the contest was over.

Not just a Republican, but a state-level one. That's just sad.

d said...

I worked a one-day temp job as a fake employee for a company out of San Diego. My job was to attend a stock-brokers' luncheon in Minneapolis and pretend to be a representative for the company that actually organized the event. When we spoke on the phone beforehand, my "boss" actually told me that if anyone asked me how I liked living in San Diego, I should explain that I had just moved there (and so didn't know much about the place) but loved it already. I earned about $80 for this.

Smitty said...

Not just a Republican, but a state-level one. That's just sad.

My sell-out-ness to get a paycheck knew no bounds. I am not proud. To admit that must be like someone admitting they were a prostitute.

Not only did I work for a state-level R, but I worled for the only one to be expelled permanently from the State Senate by a 2/3 majority of his peers. Lookie here for details.

Otto Man said...

Wow.

That. Is. Awesome.

S.W. Anderson said...

When I was 12 or 13, I filled in for four or five evenings for the dish washer at a small hotel's dining room. Found disgusting little surprises in/on the dirty dishes, such as a cigar butt extinguished in mashed potatoes and gravy leavings. Burned my hands at least once each evening. Was spoken to twice by manager for being too painstaking about actually trying to get grease-slathered pans clean.

I forget how much money I made, but it was not a lot. The one good thing was during mid-shift breaks, the cook would give me a dessert. He made a mean apple cobbler.

Mike said...

d-

But that experience sounds like it was fun. That can't count, can it?

The Doc said...

I once licked the bottom of a shoe in High School for five bucks. Is that worse or better than the three years I spent at McDonalds?


...Forget I asked. McDonald's is worse.

TravisG said...

Doc's is pretty low, in the technical sense of the word.

I sold gold jewelry door-to-door when I was a 19-year-old college flunk-out, living with my girlfriend at the time. My sales pitch, when I actually went into businesses to offer up my wares instead of reading a USA Today in a diner, basically involved telegraphing my profound sense of embarrassment in the hopes of provoking pity. It worked exactly once, when a car detailer threw a $50 bill at me and told me to pick out a necklace for him.

I had to drop my boss off at his PO on the way home that day, and the next day I decided to go to a Dead show instead of work.

alex supertramp said...

travisg -- great decision...but I'm here to address a very serious issue (thus precluding any mention of my past,ummm, forays)---this whole, "don't understand people who were drunk by noon" thing -- you obviously meant, don't understand folks who bother to sober up by noon? Perhaps I should introduce you to studiodave, or otto, or some joker name Mr T'house?????