I know how much all two of you look forward to the FRS, but I’m afraid the usual 10 has been downsized to 5, at least for this week. Maybe it’s the war in Iraq, maybe it’s the state of Social Security, maybe it’s the trade deficit, but something’s got me down. Oh wait, it’s because I ran over my laptop today. Technically, Mrs. T ran over it, but that’s because I left it leaning against the car. Yeah, I’m smart like that. On to the fabulous five!
1. Mayored to the Mob. From the 10th season, memorable mainly for featuring Mark Hamill in a dinner stage show, performing “Luke be a Jedi Tonight.” (“Homer! Use the for . . .”/ “The Force?”/ “No, the forks!”) Homer ends up being Quimby’s bodyguard, and he learns that the mayor is mobbed up. One thing Fat Tony is doing is selling milk from rats to the schools. The image of a thousand rats being milked has not left my brain to this day. 6/10
2. Hurricane Neddy. This one is all Ned, all the time, and it’s sweet (unlike those weird episodes after Maude’s death.) A hurricane destroys Flander’s house but leaves Homer’s intact, and then the town gets together to build them a house even worse than something Haliburton would build. It crumbles, Ned snaps, and then he’s admitted to a sanitarium. There we learn (through hilarious flashbacks to when he was the child of beatniks) that as a boy Flanders was subjected to a series of treatments at the Spankalogical Institute. Repeated spankings made him the annoying goody two shoes we all know and love, but repressing all his anger has made him nuts. So the docs try to unleash his anger by having Homer talk to him. Classic lines: “Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.”/” Ned Flanders, I mock your value system.”/”I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other – Now that’s psychiatry!” I could go on. 8/10
3. Lisa the Beauty Queen. Classic stuff, here. Lisa realizes she’s ugly, so Homer gives up his free ticket for a blimp ride (“Hey, there, blimpy boy, flyin’ through the sky so fancy free”) to enter her in a beauty contest. Lots of good stuff here, but my favorite bit is Homer explaining to Bart why it’s good to compliment females: “When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters, always wanting more, more, MORE!” 9/10
4. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? From the second season, when things were starting to heat up. Still, not a great episode. Homer discovers he has a half brother, Herb. Herb is a auto tycoon, and he brings the Simpsons to Detroit to visit. He hires Homer to design a car, the car flops, the company goes bankrupt, and I don’t laugh much. Danny Devito as Homer’s half brother? No thanks. 3/10
5. The Great Louse Detective. Whew, that was a close call. I thought I was going to have a whole five straight episodes that I’d actually seen. This one, I have no clue. And it’s a Sideshow Bob episode. I usually love those. The summary sure don’t sound good, though. N/A.