Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Get Out the Forks

Mrs. Thrillhous, a Va Tech grad and big-time Hokie sports fan, e-mailed to ask me why I haven't posted about Michael Vick, aka Ron Mexico, aka Ookie, aka "That Bong Is Also a Water Bottle." I don't know, maybe it's because I'm busy raising our daughter??? Snap.

But the kid is doing something she rarely ever does right now, that is, nap. So let's talk Ookie. The dude is done. Career over. No more endorsements (except maybe from a cattle prod company).

In case you haven't heard (and if you haven't, then you must be in some undisclosed location w/ no TV, radio, internet, or Morse code device), Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was indicted yesterday by a federal grand jury for dog fighting. While dog fighting itself is Pulp Fiction gross, the details provided in the indictment are Faces of Death gross. Dogs that didn't fight well were executed, sometimes by gunshot, but sometimes by hanging, electrocuting, or slamming their bodies on the ground.

Ah yes, that last bit is what ends Ookie's career. Dog fighting is bad, but it could count as bad-boy behavior, something he's learned from and is a better person for, bla bla bla. Executing dogs by gunshot might be survivable, if he cried and hugged some dogs and cried some more (and took the Falcons to the Super Bowl). But the electrocution and hanging and slamming? Can't come back from that.

Now, Vick wasn't the only one indicted. Three other guys are named, and it could be those guys who did the gruesome stuff. But it doesn't matter. Once folks hear the descriptions of the killings and then hear the name Michael Vick somewhere in the same story, they'll set their phasers to Outrage and let Vick have it. Besides, who's going to get any gratification from villifying P-Funk?

Messing with people's favorite animals is like messing with their emotions. And unless your name is Mitt Romney, you're probably going to be calling for Vick's head.

5 comments:

wfta said...

Try as I might, I can think of no redeeming aspect of animal blood sports. Find whoever will say the worst about dog fighting and I’ll say ditto.

Otto Man said...

Yeah, this is a pretty big one to overcome. There are a lot of things Americans will forgive, but dog abuse isn't one of them.

I don't know what's more surprising to me -- that he's such a cruel fuck, or that he was stupid enough to gamble his fame and fortune on something so base.

On the bright side, the KSK crew will be milking this for the next month.

Mr Furious said...

Once again, it proves my point that every major multi-million dollar contract should come with a full-time 24/7 common-sense enforcer. A guy whose job it is to say, "Give me the keys, you're drunk." or even "Call a cab, you're a millionaire.", "She's not eighteen", "Waitasec, is that fully-automatic?" and, of course, "No, this plan to buy a house in the woods and start a kennel called Bad Newz for the purpose of wanton slaughter of dogs across state lines is a bad idea."

sideshow bob said...

Geez, and I thought Marcus was the troubled Vick brother...

Mrs_Thrillhous said...

Gee, thanks for outing me as a VT alum!

I've been planning on telling people that I've taken classes at George Mason, if the school question was to arise. Love those convenient truths!