Friday Random Simpsons

It's that time of the week again, when we're all looking for a way to run out the clock while appearing to be busy. Simpsons, take us away!

1. It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge. Even though this is from the 11th season, I liked this one. It features the one and only Otto Man who, it turns, out, has a girlfriend, Becky. He proposes to her (with “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” playing), and the Simpsons host the weddings. You can’t ever have enough Poison, so Otto hires a Poison cover band to do the wedding. Becky admits she hates heavy metal (gasp!), Otto runs off, and the Simpsons are stuck w/ Becky. From here on the show isn’t as hot, and there’s definitely a lot less Poison. 5/10

2. Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase. This ep has three spin-offs that somehow never made it past the pilot. Two are hilarious, one makes me want to stick forks in my eyes. The first is Chief Wiggum’s own show, where he’s a private detective in New Orleans (pre-Brownie). Lots of great bits: the warning gator (its teeth were corked); the Chief’s description of Ralph (“caucasian male, between the ages of six and ten, thinning hair”); Ralph’s bedwetting problem: “These rubber pants are making me hot”/”You wear ‘em til you learn, son.” The next show is Grandpa Simpson as the love tester in Moe’s bar. Kinda campy, kinda corny, but some good Grandpa and Moe action: “’Go near Moe.’ I’d say that’s a pretty strong endorsement”; “Fact is, I invented kissing. It was during World War 1, and they were looking for a new way to spread germs . . .”; “I've suffered so long, why can't I die?” The third show was a variety show. It was awful, every moment of it. Really good episode until that clunker of a variety show. 7/10

3. The Way We Weren't. Fifteenth season. Didn’t see it, don’t know nothing. N/A

4. Milhouse Of Sand And Fog. Seventeenth season. See number 3. N/A

5. All Singing, All Dancing. As the title suggests, this was a musical episode. I truly loathe the Simpsons singing episodes. Nothing good to say about any of them. Okay, I liked the Lee Marvin – Clint Eastwood “Paint your Wagon” bit, just a little. 2/10

6. The Regina Monologues. See nos. 3 and 4. N/A

7. Bart vs. Lisa vs. The Third Grade. I am just now realizing how little Simpsons I”ve watched the last few years. N/A

8. Two Bad Neighbors. Hell YES!!!!11!!!! One of my very favorite episodes. Bush Sr. and Bar move in across the street from the Simpsons, and hilarity ensues. Bart and Homer hate Bush, while Ned Flanders and Sr. become the best of friends. Every moment of this episode is so great I could stick forks in my eyes. Like the opening scene, where there’s a neighborhood yard sale and Homer starts singing about Table 5 to the tune of “Stayin’ Alive.” Some great lines: “Having accomplished all my goals in one term, there was no need for another”; “It’s all in the Bible, son. It’s the prankster’s Bible”; Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.” I could watch this one over and over. 11/10

9. Crook and Ladder. And, the crap is back. 18th season. boo. N/A

10. Homer Badman. What a way to finish! Back to the sweet zone. This episode kicks off with Homer and Marge going to a candy con, where Homer steals the uber-rare Gummy de Milo. When he’s taking the babysitter home he sees that the gummy is stuck to the babysitter’s butt; he tries to peal it off, she claims sexual harassment. Looks even worse when the TV mag “Rock Bottom” does an expose of him, where they rearrange some audio clips of Homer to make him say “ Then I noticed she was sitting on [splice] her sweet [splice] can. [splice] -- o I grab her -- [splice] sweet can. Oh, just thinking about [splice] her [splice] can [splice] I just wish I had he -- [splice] sweet [splice] sweet [splice] s-s-sweet [splice] can.” (stolen directly from the Simpsons archive) But that’s not the only classic line: “It’s hard not to listen to the TV. It’s spent so much more time raising us than you have”; “Marge, they can't carry enough candy! They have puny little muscles, not big ropy ones like you.” Comedy gold. 10/10

Well, there were some real duds in there, but it got better at the end. Kind of the reverse of most of my Friday nights. Feel free to drop good memories (or bad) in the comments.