We've received an urgent request to add something to the site and move -- and I quote -- "Stevens' porn star vag lips" down the page.
Senator Ted Stevens, a notorious asshole and chronic crybaby -- whom my colleague Thrillhous once dubbed "Senator Baby Made a Boom Boom" -- has at long last been indicted.Alaska Republican Sen. Ted Stevens was charged Tuesday with making false statements after a wide-ranging probe into ties between an energy company and lawmakers in his home state, according to a federal indictment.Given that the Republican governor and sole Republican member of the House are both coming under investigation as well, we might just be seeing a clean sweep in Alaska. Bring it.
In a 28-page indictment from a federal grand jury, Stevens was charged with seven counts of making false statements on his Senate financial forms.
FBI and Internal Revenue Service agents searched Stevens' Alaska home in July 2007 in connection with the probe, which has already snared two oil-company executives and a state lobbyist.
By now you've heard that Bob Novak, the spy-outingest pundit in DC, hit a man with his Corvette a few days ago. The original story was that the man was 66 and had very minor injuries. Turns out the injuries were a bit more significant, and the man is 86.
1972: Curtis Mayfield, Superfly
Violent Femmes, Violent Femmes: 1983
1994: Weezer, Weezer (Blue Album)
Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary: 2005
In keeping with the current Dark Knight excitement that's sweeping the nation, the Wall Street Journal has published a Batman-themed op-ed which appropriately begins with the words "a cry for help." A cry for help goes out from a city beleaguered by violence and fear: A beam of light flashed into the night sky, the dark symbol of a bat projected onto the surface of the racing clouds . . .It gets worse from there.
Oh, wait a minute. That's not a bat, actually. In fact, when you trace the outline with your finger, it looks kind of like . . . a "W."
There seems to me no question that the Batman film "The Dark Knight," currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war. Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.
I haven't managed to get tickets to see Dark Knight yet -- stupid soldout IMAX theaters -- but the word on the street is that this thing is going to be big. Gabby Hayes big.
Today my toddler decided 4am was a great wakeup time, despite my many logical arguments to the contrary. None of the usual stuff was working (rocking, singing, absinthe, etc.), so I figured she was up for good.
If you haven't seen the ever-expanding list of John McCain's flip-flops over at the Carpetbagger Report, it's worth taking a look. 
So CNN has been running a fluff piece interview with Cindy McCain all day. 
For those of us commie pinko fags who read the newspapers, the steady but unmistakable decline of the Associated Press in the past year has been bewildering. Karl Rove exchanged e-mails about Pat Tillman with Associated Press reporter Ron Fournier, under the subject line "H-E-R-O." In response to Mr. Fournier's e-mail, Mr. Rove asked, "How does our country continue to produce men and women like this," to which Mr. Fournier replied, "The Lord creates men and women like this all over the world. But only the great and free countries allow them to flourish. Keep up the fight."To repeat, that's the head of the Associated Press telling Karl Rove to "Keep up the fight." I'd have to think even some of the hacks at Faux News would find that to be over the line.
I'm sure that featuring John McCain in a caption contest will immediately be denounced by the corporate media as an effort to insult his military service and impugn his integrity, but we all have to take our chances these days. 
It seems like the case for President McCain is becoming little more than a guilt trip. He was tortured for our country! Vote for him, dammit!
Mark Twain is, without contest, my favorite author of all time. Against our traditions we are now entering upon an unjust and trivial war, a war against a helpless people, and for a base object — robbery. At first our citizens spoke out against this thing, by an impulse natural to their training. Today they have turned, and their voice is the other way."The nation has sold its honor for a phrase." I can't think of a better single-sentence condemnation of the Bush Administration's empty slogans and dead hearts.
What caused the change? Merely a politician's trick — a high-sounding phrase, a blood-stirring phrase which turned their uncritical heads: Our Country, right or wrong! An empty phrase, a silly phrase. It was shouted by every newspaper, it was thundered from the pulpit, the Superintendent of Public Instruction placarded it in every schoolhouse in the land, the War Department inscribed it upon the flag.
And every man who failed to shout it or who was silent, was proclaimed a traitor — none but those others were patriots. To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong," and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
For in a republic, who is "the Country"? Is it the Government which is for the moment in the saddle? Why, the Government is merely a servant — merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them. Who, then, is "the country?" Is it the newspaper? Is it the pulpit? Is it the school-superintendent? Why, these are mere parts of the country, not the whole of it; they have not command, they have only their little share in the command. They are but one in the thousand; it is in the thousand that command is lodged; they must determine what is right and what is wrong; they must decide who is a patriot and who isn’t.
In a monarchy, the king and his family are the country; in a republic it is the common voice of the people. Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak. And it is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catch-phrases of politicians. Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide it against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may. If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have done your duty by yourself and by your country — hold up your head! You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is in the wrong. There is no other time.
This Republic's life is not in peril. The nation has sold its honor for a phrase. It has swung itself loose from its safe anchorage and is drifting, its helm is in pirate hands.
Jesus's General is hoping to help out the Family Values Republicans with a new set of ads.
