This week's album cover comes courtesy of friend of the blog -- and, indeed, friend of all mankind -- Pedro.
Just look into the eyes of little Eli Manning there. He has a secret to tell, but I'm not sure just who it's about. Maybe it was his dad Archie, taking out some trauma from his days with the Aints. Maybe his brother Cooper, the one without the football gene, trying to dominate his little brother with his own version of the hurry-up offense. Or maybe the pervert in the park had a present in his pants.
Who knows? But it's bad. Tom Coughlin naked bad.
Alright, let's do this thing.
For those of you just joining us, here's how it's done, in three easy steps. First, take out whatever music storage device you use -- an iPod, an imitationPod, a 1958 Wurlitzer jukebox, the rhythm-blessed wino on your corner, whatever -- set it to random, and give us the first ten songs that come out. Second, if you'd like to kick it up a notch Elzar-style, rate the songs on a scale of one to ten, with one being the biggest bunch of sucks who ever sucked a suck and ten being a song so cool that it collapses upon itself to form a black hole of coolness that not even Barry White's voice could escape. Third, and most important, mock everyone else's music.
And. Here. We. Go.
1. Wilco, "I Am Trying to Break Your Heart" -- A song so perfectly Wilconian that they named a tour documentary after it. Just a little bit off-key and off-kilter, this slow strummer from Yankee Hotel Foxtrot really is the band at its best. 8/10
2. Greenskeepers, "Lotion" -- Lordy, Lordy, I love this song. It's catchy as hell, but you'll hate yourself for singing along, since the entire tune is written from the perspective of Buffalo Bill from "Silence of the Lambs." The song is absolutely brilliant on its own, but the video -- which syncs the song up to actual clips from the film -- is pure genius. 10/10
3. Big Boi, "Kryptonite" -- This is a fairly mediocre offering from Mr. Antwan Patton, a song that suggests that if the long-rumored Outkast break-up ever does come to be, then Big Boi is destined to join Andrew Ridgley, John Oates, and Art Garfunkel in the annals of castaway sidemen. 5/10
4. The Gruesomes, "Way Down Below" -- Fairly decent bit of garage rock revival from the 1980s. They're not as good as the premier garage rock revival group, the Gories. But then again, they're not as bad as the other retro group of the 1980s, the Goonies. 6/10
5. Earth, Wind and Fire, "September" -- A great song, and usually the one song I can count on for rump-shaking inspiration at a wedding. But if Aunt Reba is shaking her considerably large groove thing at the same time, I suppose the song can't be all that cool. 7/10
6. Yo La Tengo, "Cherry Chapstick" -- Hoboken's finest deliver the goods here on a nice strummy bit of indie rock. I think the entire And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out CD is terrific, and this song is certainly no exception. 7/10
7. Archers of Loaf, "Might" -- Two minutes of stripped-down indie-rock love. Sweet. 8/10
8. ...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, "The Rest Will Follow" -- Not surprisingly, a band with the balls to use that as their name also throws a wall of sound at you too. Two drummers and what sounds like a half dozen guitars lead to a nice driving rocker. Solid stuff. 8/10
9. TV on the Radio, "Heroes" -- The original is probably my favorite Bowie song of all time, but this cover may be even better. Holy shit this is good. Do yourself a favor and go get this on iTunes. 10/10
10. The Guess Who, "Laughing" -- Aw, fuck. And I was doing so well. 3/10
Alright, that gives me a 7.2 average. Either I'm getting cooler as the summer heats up, or just getting much less judgmental. I prefer to think it's the former.
Let's see what you've got, folks. Drop your own Random Ten in the comments below, with or without the Coolness Self-Audit.