Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Save Me, Jeebus!

As long as we're observing today's Beelzebubbapalooza, I thought you'd like to know that the scoreboard is currently reading Lions 1, Christians 0:
KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

"The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.

"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
I'm no theologian, but I've got to think the "if he exists" part was where he went wrong. God saves the faithful, but the agnostics can apparently cram it with walnuts.

6 comments:

Thrillhous said...

Yeah, not many of your great men and women of faith end their proclamations with "if he exists."

In fact, that kind of sentiment is exactly what gets you mauled by a lion in ye olde Bible. Perhaps this guy really did prove God's existence.

Whoa, I just blew my own mind.

S.W. Anderson said...

What conceit! To think that God has nothing better to do than sit around in a heavenly 911 emergency call center, ready to spring to action if some brain-dead doofus decides to put His love to the test by climbing into a lion's cage.

Could it be that God figured He'd done His part when He designed and built the universe and set it in motion? Could it be He just checks in on the whole ball of wax once in awhile, to see if the dimmer-witted lifeforms have finally fried, poisioned or blown themselves up for good, not bothering much about indivduals?

I don't know, but it seems as plausible as the Kievan deceased's presumption.

Sidenote: This has a parallel in the foolish way too many married people argue. I suspect it's a major cause of our high divorce rate.

"If you really loved me, you would never say (do) that!"

So, instead of arguing some particular thing, one spouse escalates the stakes so the whole relationship's on the line. Brilliant — not.

That's the equivalent of a poker player putting all his chips on his hand, containing a pair of 10s.

sideshow bob said...

Maybe God just thought he was a jerk...

Otto Man said...

Maybe God just likes the lions more.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

I think God was busy determining the outcome of sporting events.

Anonymous said...

Another nominee for a Darwin Award.