Friday, June 30, 2006

Friday Random Ten

To celebrate the first anniversary of my shameless appropriation of the Friday Random Ten, I thought I'd skip the usual selection from the Hall of Album Cover Horrors and instead present one of my favorite doctored photos of all time.

Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow? And your friend tried to make it with the cow? I want to party with you, cowboy. The two of us together, forget it.

Alright, time for the random ten. Bring. It. On.

1. Bobby Bland, "Ain't No Love in the Heart of the City" -- A nice slow-burning bit of soul. I never understood why Bobby kept the Bland surname, since his music is far from it. Maybe he was just trying to be all ironical. 7/10

2. Beck, "Emergency Exit" -- As sad as it is that Beck has succumbed to the Church of Scientology and vowed to do war with the subatomic Thetan aliens living inside all of us, the man can still churn out some outstanding tunes. I thought the Guero album was one of his best yet, and this is a solid song off it. 7/10

3. Cal Tjader, "Soul Sauce (Fila Brazillia Remix)" -- I tend to enjoy the songs churned out by the Verve Remixed project, but this take on Tjader's vibes-laden jam gets a little too synthy at times. Still, the original song is quite good, and no amount of remixing can ruin it. 6/10

4. Hard 'n' Phirm, "Rodeohead" -- Just a typical, tongue-in-cheek bluegrass medley of Radiohead songs here. Nothing unusual at all. Move along. 6/10

5. The Allman Brothers, "Jessica" -- I know this is a classic bit of classic rock, but the opening piano rumble always reminds me of the Charlie Brown theme music. Don't know why, but it does. Add that to the fact that we're looking at a seven-minute guitar ramble, and well, you've lost me. 5/10

6. San Francisco Seals, "Baby Blue" -- As both of our regular readers know, I have a soft spot for interesting covers of rock standards. And Barbara Manning's take on this Badfinger classic surely fits the bill. Well played. 8/10

7. The Jimi Hendrix Experience, "I Was Made to Love Her" -- Well, like I said above, cover songs are my secret shame. This is a live recording from the BBC sessions, a nicely controlled but quite rocking rendition of the Stevie Wonder hit. Sadly, it's just an instrumental, but a damn hell good one. 7/10

8. Rufus, "Tell Me Something Good" -- Hot damn. Chaka Khan delivering sultry lyrics over a wah-wah guitar that came straight from a porn flick. It really doesn't get much cooler than this. 10/10

9. The 6ths, "In The City In The Rain" -- The 6ths are one of Stephin Merritt's many many many side projects, the one where he brings in outside vocalists to sing his tunes. This one features Lou Barlow, and he slides right into the melancholy pop vibe of Merritt's music really well. 9/10

10. John Lee Hooker, "Think Twice Before You Go" -- Now that's a damn nice finish. This song's just a bit over two minutes long, and yet it's so action-packed with sharp bits of Chicago guitar and harmonica that you'd swear it was two and a half minutes. At least. 9/10

After a weak opening, I finished out strong with a whopping 7.4 average. That may very well be the highest I've scored in a while. I'd check on the past scores but, well, I'm a lazy, lazy man.

Let's see what you've got. Open up your iWhatever, set it on random, and give us the first ten songs that stumble forth. If you're feeling judgmental, go ahead and render a Coolness Self-Audit as well.

(Thanks to a Perfectly Cromulent Blog for rerunning the Oswald photo. Damn, Jack Ruby is a killer on guitar!)


Dr. Milton von F├╝nkdoctorspock said...

1. Bob Dylan, “Obviously 5 Believers”

JAKOB: Dad, I made this record. I hope you like it. I think it will be a big hit. You know, with the kids?

BOB: You’re dead to me.

JAKOB: But dad—

BOB: Dead!

[Two years later]

JAKOB: Dad, we’re thinking of recording a follow-up.

BOB: Who is this?

JAKOB: It’s Jakey, dad. Your son.

BOB: I have no son.

I imagine it went something like that. 7/10

2. Fractured Fairy Tales Theme Song

GOD: Milton! Why the fuck haven’t you deleted this obscure, stupidass TV theme songs from yer ‘Pod?

MILTON: I have no excuse, God. Please forgive me.

GOD: Never! One out of ten!

3. The Mars Volta, “Cassandra Geminni:C. Faminepulse

Ah, prog rock, a.k.a. the Music of Indulgences. The vocals kick in at the 3’ mark. The song is less than 4’. Everything from jazz to heavy metal to unicorns is touched on. Not for Milton. 4/10

4. Jawbox, “Capillary Life”

GOD: Now I forgive you. You rock.

MILTON: Thanks, G.

Their second album was great. Their third better than that, and their fourth better than that. Then they called it quits. No indie band has gone out on a higher note. 9/10

5. Outkast, “True Dat (Interlude)”

“You’re probably a nigga who thinks you’re a cracka.” Is he talking to me? This skit is about keeping it real. To reiterate, it is a skit. Skit’s are unnecessary. This is no exception. 1/10

6. Foxy Brown, “(Holy Matrimony) Letter to the Firm”

I have everything Foxy’s ever recorded. I’ve also seen her play every song from every album live… in one sitting.

I didn’t know Foxy had infiltrated my portable music device until four long minutes ago. WTF? This was on the Jackie Brown soundtrack? Really? Why? 2/10

7. LCD Soundsystem, “Thrills”

Solid album but the Chemical Brothers’ Surrender remains my elecronicalbum of choice. 5/10

8. 13 & God, “Perfect Speed”

Ooh, great hip hop album. Members of hip hoppers Themselves + excellent band the Notwist = supa dupa chill. It’s like that soundtrack to Judgment Night without Slayer. 9/10

9. Guns n’ Fuckin’ Roses, “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”

What was Stephanie Seymour thinking? Axl Rose is one of the top five people in the world who is thrilled residuals exist. 7/10

10. Kings of Leon, “Day Old Blues”

Most underrated rock band rockin’ the waves today. Most rockin’ fun live show rockin’ the scene today. Those “southern fried alternative rock” descrips couldn’t do the Kings a bigger disservice. Succumb to the brothers…. 9/10

54. Damn. Only a free concert from a great band could possibly make me feel better. What? TV on the Radio? Tonight??? I’m saved!

Otto Man said...

Skits on hiphop albums are a bigger threat to the black community than anything The Man might have come up with.

Dr. Milton von F├╝nkdoctorspock said...

Milt maintains that skits should be either:

a.) allowably skipped for FRT,
b.) not rated.

Granted deleting all of them from myPod is an option, but it's a devilishly daunting option.

Otto Man said...

I have to admit, I skip the skits everytime. I do the same with comedy and other spoken word.

No music, no peace.

Otto Man said...

By the way, the very funny folks over at Sadly No! are allowing people to drop Michelle Malkin-inspired conservative raps in their comments. Check it out.

In case you're really lazy -- StudioDave, I'm looking at you -- here's my entry.

“Ain’t No Fun (If The Homies Can’t Have None)”
(Snoop Bushie Bush, feat. Rove Dogg, Kurupt Cheney, Abu G)


You’re back now at the jack-off hour this is DJ, Sleazy Chick
On W-Bush, right now, somethin new, by Snoop Doggy Dogg
And this one goes out to the soldiers, from all the guys
at Halli-bow-wow, cuz we gonna make it a little Goldstein
here tonight, this is DJ Sleazy Chick, from the nation that
slaps you across your fat ass, with a fat dick

[Verse One: Rove Dogg]

When I met you in 2000 babe
Before you closed down yo mind
I had respect for ya, nation,
But now I take it all back
Cause you gave me all your rights
And ya even kissed my ass
Leave your number with the cabinet
And I promise baby, I’ll give ya a call
Next time I’m feelin kinda kinglike
You can come on over, and I’ll break you down
And if you can’t succumb, that day, baby
Just sit down, and wet all yo drawers.
Cause I have never
met a vote
That I love
in the whole wide world

[Verse Two: Kurupt Cheney]

Well, if Kurupt gave a fuck about a law I’d always be broke
I’d never have no motherfuckin countries to smoke
I gets loced and looney, bitch you can’t Do Me
Do we like John Kerry, you hoochie groupie?
I have no love for hoes
That’s somethin I learned in the pound
so how the fuck am I supposed
to pad this bill, just to wreak my will
I know the money’s mines, I’ma steal a couple more times
And then I’m through with it, there’s nothing else to do with it
Pass it to the KBRs, now you hit it
Cause Iraq ain’t nuthin but cash to me
And y’all know, that riches are all for me
Who gives a fuck, why don’t y’all pay attention
Approach it with a different proposition, I’m Kurupt
Leahy, you’ll never be my only one, trick ass beeeitch!

[Chorus: (repeat 4X)]

It ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none

[Verse Three: Snoop Bushie Bush]

Guess who back in the motherfuckin house
With some dumb laws for the motherfuckin South
Dobs recognize, Falwell do too
When women get uppity and pull a voodoo
What you gon do? You really don’t know
So I’d advise you not to trust that Roe
Silly of me to fall in love with a bitch
Knowin damn well, I’m too caught up with my grip
Now as the sun rotates and my game grows bigger
How many riches gonna come to this Decida named Snoop
Bushie, I’m all the above
I’m too swift on my toes to get caught up with you schmoes
But see, it ain’t no fun, if my homies can’t get a taste of it
Cause you know I don’t love em

[Verse Four: Abu G]

Hey, now ya know, inhale, exhale with my flow
One for the torture, two for the riches
Three to get ready, and four to hit the switches
In my Gitmo, bustin’ nads to be exact
With Hitchens on my side, and lib bitches on back
So back up snitch cuz i’m strugglin, so get
on your knees and then start jugglin
Bush’s motherfuckin nuts in my mouth
It’s me, Abu G the A.G. with the clout