Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Handicapping the Field

Confused by the vast array of Democratic presidential candidates? No worries. McSweeney's has taken the time to examine the current contenders and a raft of potentials.

For example:
JOE BIDEN
Pro: Technically still running for president.
Con: Dude. Come on.

DENNIS KUCINICH
Pro: Solid anti-war stance; adorable; strong to the finich.
Con: Election laws limit magical pixies to only one term in office.

JESUS CHRIST
Pro: Could draw some initial interest from the Christian right until they research his actual positions in a deeper way; likable; strong leadership qualities.
Con: Unkempt; pretty far left; messianic complex.
That's just three of the twenty. Enjoy the rest.

5 comments:

S.W. Anderson said...

Biden could very well be the brightest, most experienced candidate — and make the best president — of anyone in the running.

Unfortunately, all that matters too little and name recognition and money matter way too much.

Kucinich has a good mind, a good heart and plenty of spunk. Plus, he's a liberal's liberal. More than any other Democrat running, Kucinich is the one who would give Bush, Cheney and the rest of the neocon nitwits payback guaranteed to keep them doubled over in pain for years to come.

Otto Man said...

I've got to disagree, SWA.

Biden could be the brightest and most experienced -- I'd probably give that nod to Richardson, though -- but more important he's the most self-centered and vainest. I think he'd be a disaster, frankly.

And Kucinich? I'm not sure about the liberal's liberal tag -- he was ardently anti-abortion rights until he decided to run for president -- and I think he's a lightweight. His last run featured a desire to have a Department of Peace and, much worse, open calls for women to date him.

Tom Hilton said...

Oh, shit...I really have been awfully smug ever since I won that Time thing. Why didn't any of my friends tell me?

Thrillhous said...

Yeah, I like Biden more than, say, pretty much every republican out there, but I haven't particularly enjoyed his work in the senate or on the talk shows the last few years. Really bugged me when he went in for that bankruptcy thing. I know he's got to be pro-credit sharks cuz he's from Delaware, but lordy that was a bad bill.

The real killer for me, though, is his hair. He's just got the thinnest line of hair along the front of his head, and he swoops those strands back to try and cover the gigantic bald spot.

I love the line for Allen Iverson.

S.W. Anderson said...

Otto Man wrote of Biden:

"he's the most self-centered and vainest."

Yeah. I know what you mean. I prefer to put it that he's a bit too full of himself at times, but it works out much the same.

I can't agree about him being a disaster, though. I can see him in the White House, thinking three steps ahead of the usual GOP suspects and regularly outfoxing them. Wouldn't that be a refreshing change of pace?

Additionally, I think that Biden could do a better job of repairing the foreign relations damage Bush & Co. has done than the other candidates.