Andy Andy

The demented people at McSweeney's have uncovered a lost episode of Andy Rooney's "60 Minutes" segment. (Frankly, I'm not sure what the official title of his segment is called, but I'm pretty sure it's something like "I Had an Onion on My Belt" or "Runaway Eyebrows!")

Anyway, here's a taste:

ANDY ROONEY: Another sex tape hit the Internet this week. I don't know what the big deal is. People look at Pamela Anderson or Paris Hilton in action, and they can't believe their eyes. Excuse me, but hasn't sex been around for generations? In fact, the reason we have generations is because we have sex. Every man and woman you see racing to catch a cab or zooming through Grand Central Station is the result of sex. Every single one of them journeyed through a vagina. If you have to watch a sex tape for educational purposes, you really should talk to a counselor—unless you're under the age of 12.

Then you should speak to a 16-year-old.

Be sure to read the rest. It involves Madeleine Albright.

No, I'm not drunk. Yet.