Wednesday, May 30, 2007

"This One Goes to Eleven!"

It looks like Fred Thompson is going to be the eleventh rich, old, white guy running for the Republican nomination. Frankly, I think this is good news for a number of reasons.

First and foremost, his entry will only further fracture the GOP base, with four strong contenders now instead of three. And with Newt salivating on the sidelines, we could soon see five of these guys trading insults with each other and trying to see who can pose as the toughest hombre of them all. (I hear Mitt Romney is going to up his ante from "Double Guantanamo" to a "Triple Kent State.") Plus, in the tradition of the "Seven Dwarves" from 1988, I fully expect the media to start talking about Fred and Tommy as the "Thompson Twins."

Second, and more specifically, this is going to drive Rudy Guliani crazy. Acting as the tough, law-and-order, NYC politician has been his schtick for a while now, but how will that hold up next to the tough Law and Order NYC politician that Thompson plays? And Rudy pretends that being a target on 9/11 makes him a foreign policy expert, but how does that compare to the wisdom of Admiral Fred Thompson, who once said, "The Russians don't take a crap without a plan"?

Third, for those of you enjoying the way in which the family-values voters are having to choose from a bunch of serial adulterers with multiple, messy divorces under their belts, Thompson only adds to the mix. As Wonkette notes, Thompson's claim to difference here is that unlike Rudy, Newt and McCain, he wasn't cheating on his first wife with the woman who became his second wife when they got divorced. And the second wife? She's a pure, homely, family-values type of gal that the heartland will absolutely adore!

So, welcome aboard, Fred.

You have a reputation as a lazy do-nothing in the Senate and the puffy, splotchy, bloodshot good looks we normally only get to appreciate when Dan Ackroyd dons the leathery old-man makeup.

Given the alternatives, no wonder the Republican base is excited.

13 comments:

S.W. Anderson said...

"And with Newt salivating on the sidelines . . ."

It's actually foam. Rabies, alas.

Otto Man said...

Yeah, I chose that image intentionally. The only thing better than Gingrich running would be DeLay getting into the mix.

Mr Furious said...

DeLay and Newt had a nice little spar just the other day...link. Bring 'em both into the race, I say!

Mr Furious said...

Thompson was appointed to the Senate when Goore became VP, and I believe won one election as an incumbent. Exactly why is this guy supposed to frighten me?

Otto Man said...

Yeah, that New Yorker piece is terrific. So much in-fighting, so little time.

Otto Man said...

Exactly why is this guy supposed to frighten me?

He shouldn't. But as Commander Codpiece proved, Republican voters don't care about programs, ideas, or competent leadership, they just want someone who looks like a tough guy.

I'm waiting for Chuck Norris to form an exploratory committee.

peb said...

I can't believe you made a Nothing But Trouble reference. Much like how now Dan Ackroyd can't believe he made Nothing But Trouble.

Otto Man said...

I'm not proud of remembering that trainwreck, but you have to admit, the comparison is creepily close.

Check out the fan comments on the imdb page. There are people out there who think that movie is hysterical. Scary stuff.

Mr Furious said...

...Republican voters don't care about programs, ideas, or competent leadership, they just want someone who looks like a tough guy.

Those "Republican voters" can choose whichever lamb they want for the slaughter—there won't be enough of 'em to tilt the general. As long as the Dems don't nominate Dennis Kucinich (or Hillary?) we should be fine.

norbizness said...

Let's not forget Digital Underground's performance (featuring a young Tupac) where Fred Thompson.. er.. the judge... busted out an organ solo during "Same Song."

sideshow bob said...

That picture is disturbing...not the Ackroyd one - the one of his wife. I'm sure that the first time she has to change one of his old man diapers, she'll be out the door.

alex supertramp said...

whoa .. now Chuck Norris as Prez .. I think I'm turning republican, turning republican - I really think so...

teh l4m3 said...

Second, and more specifically, this is going to drive Rudy Guliani crazy.

Very short drive.

Sorry, someone had to go there.