Tuesday, May 22, 2007

One Day Closer to Death

America is getting older and frailer.
Communities across the USA are scrambling to brighten street signs, widen sidewalks and redesign housing to brace for a demographic earthquake: 35 million more seniors by 2030.
Brighter signs and wider sidewalks are nice and all, but I'm seriously worried about all these elderly citizens' quality of life. Not everyone can afford to retire to a golf course in Arizona.

So, how to keep the poor, weak, and immobile entertained? Here's a forward thinking person. And quite possibly the coolest grandmother ever.
Mavis Becker is a senior who enjoys drugs. The Vancouverite, who's about to turn 65, says she has a lot of stress on her plate, caring for her 93-year-old father who suffers from dementia. When she gets wound up, Mavis rolls herself a joint.

"I do have a habit of getting on the hyper side. And I find if I go out on my balcony and smoke a doobie, I feel way more relaxed and I don't get too excited about it," she says.

"I hope my grandchildren will be willing to roll a doobie for me if my arthritis gets too bad," says Becker.

It seems that the baby boomers who discovered recreational drugs decades ago are bringing them along into their golden years, saying they don't intend to stop just because they are older. The numbers of seniors using illicit drugs are likely small but seem to be increasing.
One of my biggest fears is that as I grow too old to do anything but sit around and watch television all day is that I won't have any connections. All I'll be able to do is go to McDonald's and pray that I get the Happiest Meal Ever.

5 comments:

Otto Man said...

She reminds me of Helen Martin, an elderly black actress (best known for "227") who was responsible for my all-time favorite moment on Conan O'Brien.

She was there to promote "Don't Be a Menace..." and when Conan asked her if she minded playing a pot smoker, she said, "Oh no. I *loooooove* the reefer! You got any on you?"

Smitty said...

She actually used the word 'doobie.' I nearly wet myself thinking of my grandma hitting the chronic. Hilarious.

Rickey Henderson said...

Rickey will never age. He is unfuckingdestrubtible.

And is it Just Rickey, or is Morgan Fairchild really really hot for her age?

Bob said...

Morgan Fairchild is as hot as a blowup doll, but with more plastic.

You know? Old people are pretty expensive. Instead of giving them tax breaks and senior discounts, wouldn't it be cheaper to offer to pay old people to move to Florida?

Otto Man said...

Actually, I'm working on a fantastic new retirement program.

I call it "Carousel."