The Madness of King George

Sen. Russ Feingold has accused Bush of having a "pre-1776 mindset." Zing!

Ask a Republican

While I was tooling around the Patton Oswalt website in search of his latest bon mot, I came across something just as hilarious -- Ask A Republican.

Ever wondered why Bush doesn't attend soldiers' funerals? Or how the GOP really feels about gays and blacks? Or who's the reigning drinking champion of the Senate? (Maybe that one's not hard to guess.)

Well, just Ask a Republican.

Money Can Be Exchanged for Goods and Services

It seems that every few months, the media churns out a hand-wringing story about how poorly the Democrats are doing with their fundraising under DNC Chairman Howard Dean. Just last week, StudioDave dropped a piece of hot steaming Drudge here that rehashed the familiar storyline.

As much as I respect a "journalist" whose credentials are nothing more than a fedora and the friendship of Sith Lord Lucianne Goldberg, I think I tend to like things like facts in my reporting.

Luckily, the good people of Bloomberg are once again on the case:

Democrats, seeking to regain control of the U.S. Congress this November, are narrowing their fund- raising gap with the Republicans.

Democratic Party election committees raised $143 million in 2005, up from $128 million four years earlier, led by a record amount collected by the Senate campaign organization. Republican committees raised $206 million, down from $234 million in 2001, according to reports filed with the Federal Election Commission.

The Democrats also reported $47 million in the bank at the start of 2006, $18 million less than the Republicans. That compares with a $37 million difference at the start of 2002, the last year congressional elections were held when there was no presidential race.

"It will give the Democrats a boost, even psychological,'' said Herbert Alexander, professor emeritus of political science at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles and a campaign-finance specialist. "It's always nice to have money and it's always nice to be able to spend it in meaningful ways that will help the party win seats.''

Let's recap those numbers, in case they're not clear enough.

First, the Democrats have increased their fundraising totals by $15 million while the Republicans have decreased their fundraising totals by $28 million. Taken together, those facts mean that the Democrats have narrowed the gap between the parties by some $43 million.

Second, the Democrats' traditional disadvantage in cash-on-hand has shrunk by $19 million. As we've already discussed in earlier posts, Dean has been spending cash like a drunken sailor no-longer-drunk President Bush, building up the infrastructure at the state and local level. The fact that he's accomplished so much and still managed to cut the cash-on-hand disadvantage in half is impressive as hell.

Yes, the Republicans still have an advantage when in comes to the overall money totals, but they've always had that and likely always will, as long as they continue to echo the "fuck the poor!" credo of the Roman Senate in History of the World, Part I. Despite the traditional edge that the GOP has had in money, the Democrats managed to fight to what was basically a draw in the last two presidential elections. Erase that edge, as Dean has been doing, and the Democrats take the lead.

(Thanks to Rising Hegemon for the link.)

Down but not Out

Say what you will, this guy is smooth.

In his meandering, theme-less State of the Union Address last night, near the conclusion Bush declared:

"They [the American people] are concerned about unethical conduct by public officials and discouraged by activist courts that try to redefine marriage."

In 8 seconds, the president dismissed the corruption scandals gripping Congress and his Administration and equated these in the American mind with judges who have applied state constitutional precepts on equality to lesbian and gay couples.

The reaction? Applause from both sides of the proverbial aisle - Democrats want to underscore the unethical conduct reference and Republicans want to take another swing at scapegoating homosexuals for the moral decline of America.

Mars, Bitches!

The State of the Empire address is beginning shortly. Feel free to leave your thoughts and snark in the comments below.

State of the Soundbites

The White House press office has just released the soundbites from tonight's State of the Monarchy address.

In case there's something else you'd rather be doing than listen to the same presidential rhetoric for the millionth time, here are the stirring pieces of rhetoric that the White House thinks are the best parts of the speech, with my rapier wit providing some preliminary commentary.

Take it away, Your Highness:

"In this decisive year, you and I will make choices that determine both the future and the character of our country. We will choose to act confidently in pursuing the enemies of freedom - or retreat from our duties in the hope of an easier life."

As we all know, the leaders of this administration would never ever retreat from their duties in the hope of an easier life. No matter how many "other priorities" they might have, no matter how much they'd rather be in Alabama instead of Texas, they will not cut and run! Well, they won't do it anymore, that is.

The President will talk about America's leadership role in the world, and the importance of working together to better protect our country, support our troops, and advance freedom:

"Abroad, our Nation is committed to an historic, long-term goal - we seek the end of tyranny in our world... the future security of America depends on it."

However, because of the laws of tyranny-dynamics, the destruction of tyranny elsewhere must lead to the creation of tyranny at home. They're not spying on your phone calls, snooping on your internet records, shuttling protestors into Orwellian "free speech zones," detaining people in Gitmo for years on end, and torturing whenever they can because they want to do all that. Oh, no. They have to do all that to maintain the cosmic tyranny balance. Call it the backwash of freedom.

"In a time of testing, we cannot find security by abandoning our commitments and retreating within our borders. If we were to leave these vicious attackers alone, they would not leave us alone. They would simply move the battlefield to our own shores."

And anyone who would point to the Madrid train bombing or the terrorist strikes against the London Underground as proof that this simplistic fightin'-'em-there-so-we-don't-have-to-fight-'em-here argument is pathetic and laughable, well, those people hate America. And Jesus.

"...Ultimately, the only way to defeat the terrorists is to defeat their dark vision of hatred and fear by offering the hopeful alternative of political freedom and peaceful change."

A hopeful alternative coming to a war theater near you, in the form of cluster bombs and nipple clamps. Remember: They'll love us if we just hurt them enough.

To keep America competitive in a dynamic economy, the President will set out an agenda focused on the priorities that families are most concerned about. He will talk about the importance of having an educated, skilled workforce, reducing our dependence on foreign oil, and making health care more affordable, accessible, and portable.

And I'm sure he'll have as much success in pushing through those SOTU promises as he did with past promises to privatize Social Security, overhaul the tax code, send Americans to the moon and Mars, and catch that Osama bin Laden fellow.

"The American economy is pre-eminent - but we cannot afford to be complacent. In a dynamic world economy, we are seeing new competitors like China and India."

"We must continue to lead the world in human talent and creativity. Our greatest advantage in the world has always been our educated, hard-working, ambitious people - and we are going to keep that edge."

Yes, the new Republican education program with its lesson plans drawn directly from the Book of Leviticus and old episodes of "Davey and Goliath" will certainly keep America on pace with the godless Chinese and the heathen Indians who put their trust in science and technology instead of the Lord Almighty.

And the White House's policy of crushing all scientific research which does not adhere to the One Truth of the Republican Party will make sure that our scientists remain focused on the important issues of the 19th century, like evolution and the latest advancements in steam power.

"America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world... The best way to break this addiction is through technology."

Yes, technology like the Abrams tank and the Stealth Bomber.

"Our government has a responsibility to help provide health care for the poor and the elderly, and we are meeting that responsibility. For all Americans, we must confront the rising cost of care ... strengthen the doctor-patient relationship ... and help people afford the insurance coverage they need."

Not the insurance coverage they want , with all its fancy coverage and protection against incursive hospital costs. No, they'll get the insurance coverage they need, which is apparently a first aid kit from a Toyota Camry and a bucket of wishes. Good luck!

Finally, the President will speak to the character and compassion of America: "...our greatness is not measured in power or luxuries, but by who we are and how we treat one another. So we strive to be a compassionate, decent, hopeful society."

Except, of course, for the homos. They're going to burn in hell.

(Thanks to Daily Kos for posting the preview.)

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

If you missed the Daily Show last night, you missed a brilliant segment comparing the ways in which Oprah handles lying bastards and the way "serious journalists" handle them.

As always, Crooks and Liars has your back.

Speak Up

Assuming that he doesn't dissolve Congress and install his dog Barney as High Chancellor between now and tonight, Our Lord and Ruler King George IV is scheduled to give his State of the Monarchy address to his loyal subjects this evening.

Personally, I tend to prefer the president in more informal settings. When he's out on the stump, speaking to a carefully pre-selected crowd of adoring fans in a hermetically-sealed environment, he tends to relax and fall into his patented I-Think-You're-Retarded speaking style. You know, the one where he repeats the same statement over and over again with just the smallest grammatical variations? ("I'm a problem solver. In other words, I solve problems. There's a problem, see, and I solve it.")

Sure, there are some weaknesses in that approach. There's always an awkward silence when the president removes his coat and dress shoes and puts on his colorful sneakers and sweater, before heading off to consult with his counterpart, King Friday of the Land of Make Believe. But the appearance of the magic trolley helps dispel that.

The formal structure of the congressional address lends itself to a completely different style. Unlike the circle-of-trust rallies that Bush holds to make himself feel better, these audiences contain actual, certified Democrats and, as a result, the president gets a little skittish. He falls out of his comfort zone and has to rely on a different approach altogether.

All evidence to the contrary, the president will begin by declaring that "the state of our union is strong." The body of the speech will consist of variations on six or seven phrases, and at least three of those will be the word "freedom." There will be a couple shout-outs to his homies in the crowd -- Mrs. Alito, in tears; an Iraqi woman, in tears; the Constitution, in shreds; etc. -- and standing ovations from the GOP robots every time he manages to get through a sentence without swallowing his tongue.

Even though I know all this will happen, I keep watching the State of the Union addresses for one reason -- I know there's a slim, slim chance that some enterprising young computer hacker, whacked out on Cheetos and Mountain Dew in his mom's basement, is going to figure out a way to hack into the TelePrompTer. Will the hacker replace the text with, say, a Letter to Penthouse, and trust that President Ron Burgundy will simply read along? Or will the hacker just let the screen go dark, and thereby ensure that a slowly spreading circle of darkness also appears in the president's codpiece zone? Either way, hilarity will ensue.

Please drop your own hopes, fears, and over/under predictions about the State of the Union in the comments below. We can get through this together, people.

Hard to Take This Man Seriously

What are you laughing at, punk?

Cuts Like a Knife

A freaky Friday accident left Lindsay Lohan in stitches.

The Mean Girls star was rushed to a London hospital last week after she sliced her leg open while breakfasting at the home of Bryan Adams, according to published reports.

Bryan Adams?

C-Plus Augustus

I don't read Fafblog too often, largely because the green-background-and-purple-font layout makes my eyes bleed. But I should. And you should, too, because it's damn funny.

Check out the recent Q&A they provided on the omnipotence of Our Lord and Ruler King George IV:

Q. ... Now some crazy people say the president broke some silly old laws like FISA and the National Security Act and the Fourth Amendment. Are these crazy people crazy?

A. They sure are! Maybe those laws worked back in 1978 back when Leonid Brezhnev was snortin coke with Ayatollah Khomeini and groovin' to the hits of the Bee Gees, but in today's dark and dangerous times they just aren't enough.

Q. Things sure have changed since the innocent days of mutually assured destruction! But is it legal for the president to ignore the law?

A. Maybe not according to plain ol stupid ol regular law, but we're at war! You don't go to war with regular laws, which are made outta red tape and bureaucracy and Neville Chamberlain. You go to war with great big strapping War Laws made outta tanks and cold hard steel and the American Fightin Man and WAR, KABOOOOOOM!

Q. How does a War Bill become a War Law?

A. It all begins with the president, who submits a bill to the president. If a majority of both the president and the president approve the bill, then it passes on to the president, who may veto it or sign it into law. And even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.

Q. See it's the checks and balances that make all the difference in our democratic system.

Mmmmmm. That's some mighty good snark there.

(Thanks to the presumably colorblind Kung Fu Monkey for catching this post, and to firedoglake for the lovely photo of President Bush. He really does love to play military dress-up, doesn't he?)

Deano Update From Drudge

Picking up on the previous thread regarding Democratic fundraising (success for state parties versus federal panics), The Drudge Report has issued "news" which seems far more like rumor given it doesn't name any real sources only references to what staffers said off the record. For what it's worth:

DEAN UNDER FIRE FROM PARTY DEMS; NEARLY ALL CASH SPENT Jan 30 2006 10:52:31 ET
Democratic leaders on Capitol Hill are privately bristling over Howard Dean’s management of the Democratic National Committee and have made those sentiments clear after new fundraising numbers showed he has spent nearly all the committee’s cash and has little left to support their efforts to gain seats this cycle, ROLL CALL reports.Congressional leaders were furious last week when they learned the DNC has just $5.5 million in the bank, compared to the Republican National Committee’s $34 million.Senate and House Minority Leaders Harry Reid (Nev.) and Nancy Pelosi (Calif.), along with the Senate and House campaign committee chairmen Charles Schumer (N.Y.) and Rahm Emanuel (Ill.), have made their concerns -- directly or indirectly -- known to Dean, claims the paper. Emanuel was particularly upset last week upon seeing the latest DNC numbers.“A lot of people are scratching their heads as to what’s going on,” said one senior Democratic aide.Another Democratic source familiar with the party fundraising apparatus said there is “obvious displeasure” among the leaders. Developing...

Time will tell.

Film Forum

It's been a while since we last opened the floor for a discussion of our favorite obscure films. The responses last time we great, so let's give it another try: Which lesser-known movies -- forgotten classics, obscure indie flicks, foreign films, etc. -- have been a pleasant surprise for you? What should we, the Netflix Members of North America, have queued up?

Here's some of my recent rental activity:

Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid (1973): While perhaps not as well known as, say, The Wild Bunch, this classic Sam Peckinpah western is every bit as good. The lead roles, played by James Coburn and Kris Kristofferson respectively, are outstanding, but the real surprise is Bob Dylan. I knew he did the music for the film -- this is where "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" first appeared -- but I had no idea he acted in the film. This isn't Jon Bon Jovi making a cameo in Young Guns 2; Dylan has a somewhat substantial role as a quiet cutthroat named "Alias." Sure, the character he plays is a quiet one, but he also throws a knife through a bad guy's throat at one point. Highly recommended. (The film. Not a knife through the throat.)

City on Fire (1987): A Hong Kong classic starring (who else?) Chow Yun-Fat. I'd heard this film was "the inspiration" for Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs, but I spent most of the movie scratching my head about the comparisons. Until the last half hour, when the undercover-cop hero infiltrates a gang of jewel thieves, joins them on a heist that goes awry when one of their members starts shooting people, flees with them as some of the thieves get caught, gets shot himself, holes up in the abandoned warehouse that serves as their rallying point, gets involved in a Mexican stand-off with the other crooks who are suspicious of a leak, and then confesses to another thief that he's really a cop. Other than those minor plot points, I think Tarantino came up with the rest of his movie all on his own.

The Long Goodbye (1973): I'd read the book and seen the original film, but for some reason I'd never seen this Robert Altman remake starring none other than Elliott Gould. Not only does the film noir style work in early '70s Malibu, but it might even work better than the original 1940s setting, since the decay of the city and listlessness of its people are even more apparent. (Alright, I'm sounding like Roger Ebert. Pfft.) Like all great '70s films, this one has some great bits of casting, ranging from Henry Gibson as an albino quack rehab doctor and a fresh-off-the-boat Arnold Schwarzeneggar in an uncredited, nonspeaking role as a hired goon. A hired goon who at one point takes off his shirt and pants to intimidate Elliott Gould. And, apparently, to intimidate the cameraman, since he looks directly into the lens. Twice.

Oldboy (2003): I checked out this Chan-Wook Park film without really knowing much about him or the film. It's a disturbing tale, one that answers the age-old question of what Edgar Allan Poe might have done if he'd been born in late-20th-century Korea. Speaking of legends, it's clear that Park has the Hitchcock knack for suspense and stunning visuals. I wasn't entirely floored by this flick, but I'm sure the director has even better work ahead of him.

Advise & Consent (1962): I know I already talked about this in the filibuster post below, but it deserves discussion as a movie unto itself. For a political story, Preminger does an amazing job with the pacing and the plot twists, which keep on coming. Burgess Meredith accuses Henry Fonda of being a communist! Charles Laughton does a dead-on impersonation of a South Carolina Dixiecrat! A secretly gay Mormon senator gets blackmailed! And, hey, was that Betty White? Again, not just a good film, but a good reminder of how the congressional branch once worked.


Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974): Yes, another Peckinpah film. Apparently, he was churning these out like counterfeit money in the early '70s. I've wanted to see this one for a long time, partly because I've liked Peckinpah's past work, and partly because I wanted to understand a line of dialogue from Fletch. This one's a "modern Western" set in 1970s Mexico and involving an old-school bounty hunt. The weirdest part for me is that the hardcore, jaded, drunk antihero at the center of the story is Warren Oates, an actor who's probably best-known for playing Sgt. Hulka in Stripes. Here, he sticks his big toe right up the Mexican underworld's butt.

Alright, that's enough to start the discussion. But in the spirit of Advise & Consent, I request permission from the chair to revise and amend my remarks at a later date.

Please throw your favorite semi-obscure films in the comments below.

Advise and Consent

Well, it looks like some of the Democrats are going to attempt a filibuster against Samuel Alito's nomination.

The move has been roundly mocked by the Republicans and the media that parrots their point of view. (I heard CNN anchor Betty Nguyen mock Kerry this afternoon, smirking and referring to the Republican response as "giggling" at him, for instance.) True, I doubt the Democrats have the numbers to maintain the filibuster and keep Alito off the bench.

But then again, I don't think they need to do that in order to gain something from the filibuster. Ultimately, I see this not as a battle over the Supreme Court, but a battle over the Senate.

First, a filibuster of Alito would help draw attention to the position of moderate Republican Senators in the Northeast -- like Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins and especially Lincoln Chafee. Chafee's getting pressed from both sides on the matter of abortion rights back home, and forcing him to take a high-profile stance on Alito -- no matter which side he came down on -- would pretty much doom his re-election chances. If he stands against Alito, the Republican primary voters will go to the challenger on his right and that candidate would likely lose in the general election. Or if he stands with Alito, he'd make it to the general election but once more voters would side with the Democratic choice. Either way, the Republicans lose the seat.

Second, in general, it would be nice to show the American people that the Democrats actually do have principles, and that they'll go down swinging to defend them. The Senate Judiciary Committee hearings did little to illuminate all that's wrong with Alito, and the Democrats can use the spotlight of the filibuster to make those matters clear. It would not only help demonstrate all that's wrong with the Bush vision of executive power, but also show that the Democrats can be an effective counterweight to it -- if only they had greater numbers.

Third, and most important, the filibuster would go a long way to reminding the Senate Democrats -- and the public in general -- that the Senate really does have an oversight function. That role's been largely forgotten in recent years, with Senate Republicans serving as a proxy for the president and Senate Democrats hiding from their own shadow. It's time to reassert their proper role and push back against the "unitary executive theory" nonsense that's turning this country into a elected dictatorship.

President Bush seems to think that the phrase "advise and consent" means nothing more than rubber-stamping his edicts. Funny, but just this week I watched the 1962 Otto Preminger film Advise and Consent and was reminded that Congress used to be a fully-developed organism capable of breathing and acting on its own. If you haven't seen the film, it's a great political thriller with strong performances by Henry Fonda, Charles Laughton and Walter Pidgeon. (Interestingly, Preminger had tried to cast Martin Luther King, Jr., as "Senator King" from Georgia. King considered it, but turned him down. Still, Betty White makes an appearance as a senator from Kansas, so I guess it's a wash.)

The political machinations in the movie are fascinating, but what's striking today is something taken for granted by the film's creators and original audience -- the Senate is not only allowed to have a say in presidential appointments, but they're supposed to make it difficult. It's a little thing called "checks and balances," and it worked in this country for more than two centuries. Until King George IV came along, at least.

So, yes, let's filibuster. It may not succeed in keeping Alito out of the Supreme Court, but it'll help keep Alito's ideas about unchecked executive power out of the Senate.

Update: It's looking like the filibuster drive is gaining speed. Check out firedoglake and Daily Kos for tips on how to reach your senators to urge them to join the filibuster movement.

This isn't a quixotic cause, no matter what the media and Scott McClellan might say. Sen. Feinstein was brought back from the brink, and that means anyone can be, too.

State of the Union

If you'd like a sneak peak of the State of the Union address, check out this dress rehearsal over at MyDD.

They apparently use understudies for the dry run, but they're pretty solid. The guy filling in for the president is damn good, especially in the part about Super Jesus. And I like that the Hastert stand-in has a year's supply of Twizzlers.

Friday Random Ten

Yes, Corey Feldman.

When not making guest appearances on VH1's "Whatever Happened To?" or manning the Corey Hotline -- "Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: Gory ... story ... allegory... Montessori..." -- the Feldmeister apparently spends a lot of his time in his mom's basement recovering from a bad break-up with a girl he met at Burning Man. Just sittin' there, recording love songs and creating cover art that looks like it came from the back of a Trapper Keeper.

While I've never heard any of the songs, I'm really hoping there's at least one in there that describes his romance with Michael Jackson. Or at least give us the story about the chick with the scimitar. That has got to be a crazy ex-girlfriend. Or a sad, sad fantasy.

Speaking of musical superstars like Goonies star Corey Feldman, it's time for the Friday Random Ten. Take out your iPod, your iPod Mini, your iPod Nano, your iPod Fetus, or whatever you have; set it to random; and give us the first ten songs that are brave enough to show their faces. And in case you feel compelled by the power of Christ, go ahead and give unto us a Coolness Self-Audit.

Here's mine for this week:

1. Afrika Bambaataa and the Jazzy 5, "Jazzy Sensation" -- A little old school rap from one of the original rulers of the Zulu Nation. The fact that this has been sampled to death (the Beastie Boys got the refrain of "The Ladies! The Ladies!" for "Hey Ladies" here, for instance) removes some of the freshness, but it's still a solid choice for your ghetto blaster and/or boom box. 6/10

2. The Meters, "(The World is a Little Bit Under the Weather) Doodle-Oop" -- The moronic title aside, this is a great bit of New Orleans funk. Sassy guitar riffs, a good walking bass line, and all the Neville vocals you could ever want. 9/10

3. Björk, "Bachelorette" -- I will be mocked mercilessly for this by my fellow bloggers, but I stand by this Icelandic weirdo with all my heart. This is one of the better tunes from Homogenic and, while not exactly cool, it gets the job done. 7/10

4. Johnson Mkhalali, "Joyce No. 2" -- I have a soft spot for the blistering guitar work of African musicians like Malathini and the Mahotella Queens, and this number fits well in that groove. That said, it's an instrumental and a fairly repetitive one. Plus, I'm suspicious about what happened to Joyce No. 1. 4/10

5. Radiohead, "Pearly" -- From the excellent Airbag EP, which is a good indication that the band was really at its peak during the OK Computer era. Seriously, when you can create a masterpiece of an album and then build a great EP out of what didn't make the cut, that's beyond good. 7/10

6. Wilco, "Reservations" -- I just rewatched the documentary I Am Trying to Break Your Heart on IFC last weekend. It's a great rock doc if you haven't seen it (and it's still a great one if you have seen it). The band breaks up with their label, loses a member, and generally basks in the diva genius of Jeff Tweedy. The rehearsal takes on this song, in particular, are great. 7/10

7. The Muppets, "Mahna Mahna" -- Yes, these are random. I don't think any song originally sung by puppets can be considered cool, but if there were a possibility, this song would certainly be the one. It still puts a smile on my face everytime I hear it, even when it's in an ad for the ridiculous Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. (Seriously, you couldn't cram a couple more fake flavors in there? No?) 4/10

8. Labi Siffre, "I Got The..." -- Well, now, this is a nice rebound. This song isn't just a sweet '70s soul song with lush orchestration and dirty bass lines, it's also the source for the main sample used in Eminem's "My Name Is." I once said a perfect ten on the Coolness Self-Audit would be something you'd want to walk into a bar in slow-motion to, and this certainly fits the bill. 10/10

9. The Postal Service, "Against All Odds" -- Normally, even the most remote, six-degrees-of-separation connection to Phil Collins would merit a big fat zero on the coolness scales, but somehow this one works. Part of me admires the inventive arrangement of a "classic" song, and part of me just admires the balls it took for Ben Gibbard to steer into the mouth of the crapstorm and come out the other side. Well done, good sir. 9/10

10. Kostars, "Hey Cowboy" -- Two members of Luscious Jackson put out this album as a side project, and it's full of nice little treats like this one. A little more low-key than the LJ materials, but it certainly works. 7/10

Well, that nets me a 7.1 average and yet another C-minus on the Cool-o-Meter. With grades like that, maybe I too can one day become leader of the free world.

Do you think you're better than me? Because I will fight you. No, no, wait, that's the liquor talking.

What I meant to say is -- kindly drop your own FRT in the comments, with or without the Coolness Self-Audit.

Punk.

The Doctor is In Your Face

If you haven't seen Howard Dean's duel with Katie Couric, the good people at Crooks and Liars have it for you.

A lot has been said already about Couric's parroting the Republican line that the Abramoff scandal is somehow bipartisan. For someone who showed video of her own colonoscopy on the "Today" show, Couric is surprisingly unable to probe the assholes at the center of the scandal and get at the truth. But Dean gave a firm rebuttal -- a flat mantra of "Not. One. Dime." -- and acquitted himself well.

In fact, Dean's entire appearance looked strong. He stayed on message, rebutting Republican claims and always pivoting to the attack, bringing up their incompetence, their ethical scandals, and their corruption at every chance he got. At one point, Couric claimed that "many people" think the Democrats lack a backbone, and Dean promptly reached through the screen, ripped hers out, and beat her on the head with it.

In all seriousness, nicely played. This should be required viewing for Democratic officials before they're allowed anywhere near a microphone.

Bury the Messenger

Secretary of Defense Don Rumsfeld asked for a thorough study of the Army's strength levels. When he didn't like the report, he took his job title too seriously and got all defensive:

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on Wednesday rejected two new reports - including one ordered by his own office - warning that the Iraq war has strained the Army to the breaking point.

In an "interim assessment" of the Iraq war commissioned by the Office of the Secretary Defense, former Army officer Andrew Krepinevich said the strain of keeping large numbers of troops in Iraq and Afghanistan has reduced the Army to a "thin green line."

Recruiting shortfalls the Army suffered last year and potential problems in getting soldiers with families to re-enlist because of repeat rotations to Iraq put the Army "in a race against time" to bring troops home "or risk `breaking' the force," Krepinevich wrote.

"Serious retention problems have yet to materialize," Krepinevich said, "but there are storm clouds on the horizon. For one, Army divorce rates are up sharply, an indication that repeated deployments are placing severe strains on military families."

Rumsfeld said he hadn't read the 136-page report but "it's clear that those comments do not reflect the current situation. They are either out of date or just misdirected."

He didn't even read it? A report that he commissioned himself, a report that cost more than an eighth of a million dollars and took a year to compile? Right into the circular file.

We all knew that the president doesn't like reading -- so much so that at his campaign appearances, they have to repeat one key phrase over and over again on the backdrops, just so he can maintain focus. But I guess we assumed that if Bush wasn't reading up on the pesky details, then at least his Cabinet members were.

Yes, yes, Condi Rice couldn't be bothered to read the entire 86-page National Intelligence Estimate on Iraq. But I guess we were hoping she'd be the exception to the rule.

But wait, that's not the worst part:

He added that the Army exceeded its goal for retention - the number of soldiers re-enlisting and officers extending their commissions - in fiscal 2005, which ended Sept. 30.

"The force is not broken," Rumsfeld declared. Moreover, he said, "It's battle-hardened. It's not a peacetime force that has been in barracks or garrisons."

The Army fell 6,667 troops short of its fiscal 2005 recruiting goal of 80,000 and the Army Reserve missed its goal by 4,626.

It's a sign of the respect that journalists have for Don Rumsfeld that they put two entire lines of text between his lie about reaching the recruitment goal and the facts that so easily refute it.

Of course, the reporter manages to get in a nice point here at the end:

As for Krepinevich's warning that retention problems could emerge if the pace of rotations fails to ease, Rumsfeld said he didn't know if that was the case.

"I suspect the people writing these things don't know, either, because I suspect that they don't have any more insight than the other people around here do," he said.

Krepinevich received $137,000 over 12 months for the report, Pentagon spokesman Maj. Paul Swiergosz said.

Asked why the Pentagon pays consultants such as Krepinevich for such reports if they lack insight, Rumsfeld said: "Well, because the way you get the best knowledge and the best perspective is to listen to people with different views."

Except, of course, when you dismiss their findings without even reading the report. Then it just seems like you're once again sticking your head in the sand and pissing money away at the same time.

Stay the course.

(Thanks to Tim F. at Balloon Juice for the link.)

Warning - Sophomoric Post

Yes, this amuses me greatly. I smell Heaven a callin'!



EDITORS NOTE: Here's the direct link.

Chocolate Factory

This is why I love the internet.