Mock the Vote

This will be a rolling post on tonight's election returns. I'll update it semi-regularly as events and my own sobriety warrant, because I know that our seven regular readers would expect nothing less.

7:30 pm: CNN is operating a high-tech, fancy-pants war room for the election coverage, and they seem to have spent as much money on it as Wolf Blitzer does on maintenance of his precious, precious beard.

Anyway, they've just reported that Ken Blackwell just got his ass handed to him in the Ohio gubernatorial race. They announced his loss the second the polls closed, it was so bad. For anyone who remembers Blackwell's helping hand in screwing over black and urban voters in the 2004 presidential election, this is a moment of pure, unadulterated schadenfreude. Sit your ass down, Ken, and save a seat for Katherine Harris.

8:00 pm: And here's Kathy! Go sit down in the loser's circle with Ken, sweetheart. Maybe the two of you can become a warning to future GOP hacks -- mess with our elections and we'll destroy you the first chance we get. Also, I'm so glad to know you blew about $10 million of your own cash on this race. That's $10 million you won't be able to spend on further plastic surgery horrors.

8:12 pm: Looks like the Democrats picked up the governor's office in Massachusetts. I haven't heard much about Deval Patrick, but what I've seen suggests he could be a rising force. In any case, Mitt Romney didn't get to hand his office over to a Republican heir, and that's got to be a nice dent in his presidential aspirations.

8:27 pm: CNN has called the Democrats' first House pickup, with Ellsworth beating Hostettler in IN-08. And Daily Kos is saying Paul Hodes beat Charlie Bass in NH-02. So two down, and thirteen to go.

8:51 pm: Sherrod Brown's been declared the winner in the Ohio Senate race. I liked Paul Hackett, but it's nice to see a fairly liberal voice get the nod here. Given the general anti-GOP trend nationally and the wave of local scandals in the state, we might just see the entire slate flip from red to blue at this rate. Which would be huge for the 2008 presidential race.

9:00 pm: Rick Santorum. Dead, dead, DEAD! Alright, I'm breaking out the bourbon.

9:12 pm: Just realized that Olbermann is co-hosting the MSNBC coverage, so I'm switching to them. (I'm intentionally saving Fox News for the late night crying.)

Sadly but not surprisingly, I see that Lieberman is projected to pull out the win in Connecticut. Despite the initial excitement over Nedmentum, this has seemed likely for months. We'll see if he really caucuses with the Democrats. I bet he does so in name, but continues to stab the party in the back -- perhaps even more so. All the more reason to hope this thing doesn't end up 50-50.

9:20 pm: MSNBC has called Maryland for Cardin. Woohoo! Michael Steele was supposed to be a rising star in the Republican ranks, so this is a big one. If you listen closely, you can hear the violent sobs of Ken Mehlman. In a sign that he hails from Bizarro World, Chris Matthews just said that Steele ran a really classy campaign. Yes, a campaign filled with lies about getting pelted with Oreos and flyers meant to trick black voters into thinking he's a Democrat. Very classy.

9:33 pm: They're calling KY-03 for the Democrats, too. This is another race I thought was a bellwether one, so this is good news. Stay tuned.

9:43 pm: And now it looks like Count Chocula is going down in Indiana, too. These are very good signs for a big wave in the House.

10:03 pm: Rick Santorum is conceding on MSNBC. Our hatred for the man runs so deep that my wife, the lovely and talented Malibu Stacy, went so far as to mock his daughter and "her stupid little doll." (She's normally a very sweet woman. Santorum just brings out the evil in us.) Anyway, Ricky just thanked God, and I'd like to second the motion. Truly, with this loss, we all know that He is a just and righteous God.

And now, Rahm Emanuel is on with news that the Democrats have swept the three contested races in Indiana, and knocked off Nancy Johnson in Connecticut.

10:15 pm Just switched over to Fox News in time to watch Brit Hume have to announce the loss of Republican seats in Bob Ney's old district in Ohio and Don Sherwood's seat in Pennsylvania. The analyst is dismissing these pickups as "scandal seats." Yeah, lucky for the GOP those were the only two scandals this year.

10:43 pm: CNN has just called it for Joe Sestak over corrupt Curt Weldon in the Philadelphia suburbs. I'm really hoping we can run the table on the three collar-county districts around Philly, and this is a good start.

10:48 pm: And now Heath Shuler has taken NC-11 from the Republicans. Here's hoping he fares better in Washington this time around than he did when he played for the Redskins. We're now halfway to picking up both the House and the Senate.

10:55 pm: And Don Sherwood's gone down. Apparently, acknowledging an extramarital affair and getting sued by the mistress you choked is not a winning strategy. Take note, politicians!

11:07 pm: More and more great news, with longterm Republicans John Sweeney and Clay Shaw both going down. Mark Foley's seat has fallen, too, and a pickup in Arizona.

And CNN has just called it -- the Democrats have retaken control of the House of Representatives. That means committee chairmanships for John Conyers, Henry Waxman, Alcee Hastings, and Charlie Rangel. Bend over, Mr. President, because here they come!

11:17 pm: Fox News is so somber, they've done everything but break out the black armbands. They just called the House for the Democrats, and by their math, it came on Tom DeLay's old seat. Brit Hume looks like someone just shot his dog and then gay married the corpse.

11:31: MSNBC is reporting that the Virginia Senate race is likely to come down to the wire. 97% are in and Allen has a 6,000 vote lead. But the parts that haven't come in involve Democratic areas in Richmond and Fairfax County, so this is going to be incredibly close. I think we're looking at a recount here, Macacas.

11:52 pm: CNN is now giving Ensign and Kyl the wins, which is sad since I thought Pederson had a chance in Arizona. But good news in Virginia, as Webb takes the lead 50%-49% with 99% of the precincts in. This is going to be incredibly close. If the margin of victory is less than 0.5%, the loser can demand a recount.

12:06 am: According to TPM, the Democrats have unseated conservative Jim Ryun in Kansas and troglodyte J.D. Haysworth in Arizona. Blue wave, baby!

12:18 am: With the House clearly going Democratic, all attention is now focused on the last four Senate races in Virginia, Tennessee, Missouri and Montana. I'll go out on a limb here and predict that the Democrats lose Tennessee and take Montana, and pull out razor-thin wins in Virginia and Missouri. There will be recounts in both of those, but I think we could hold the leads. And if so, it's a 51-49 Democratic Senate, assuming Lieberman sticks with the winning team, as always.

12:40 am: Good news in the Virginia race. Chris Matthews is now reporting that 33,000 votes haven't been counted yet in Fairfax County, a suburban stronghold for the Democrats. Webb might be poised for a last minute surge here. It could still go to a recount, but increasing his lead would be huge.

12:52 am: Alright, I'm calling it a night. Things are looking good, but we'll know a little more by morning.

Please feel free to keep adding updates in the comments.

8:01 am: Beautiful morning, despite the rain here. Woke up to find out that Claire McCaskill took down Jim Talent in Missouri, and we're just waiting to see about Jon Tester and Jim Webb. I like our odds of taking the Senate, and I'm thrilled to see we picked up 28 seats in the House.