Monday, November 14, 2005

Arrest Wing

Breaking news from the journalistic leaders at the Weekly World News:
PRES. BUSH CONVERTING ‘WEST WING’ TO ‘ARREST WING’
Top aides can keep working while in jail

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Bush is so worried that many of his top aides and associates in Congress will be imprisoned for assorted wrong-doing that he’s busily converting the West Wing of the White House into an “Arrest Wing” — a row of prison cells from which these aides can keep working if they’re ever convicted.

Recently, House Majority Leader Tom Delay was indicted for money laundering and conspiracy. Karl Rove may be indicted for his role in leaking the name of a CIA operative. Speaker of the House Bill Frist is also under investigation as are several other advisors to Bush.

“Bush can’t function without these people,” a top White House aide told Weekly World News under condition that we not tell Karl Rove. “This way, even if they’re in prison, Bush will be able to pick their brains.”

In fact, the White House is even attempting to put a positive spin on it.

“If all these folks go to jail, this administration will be even more productive since they won’t have anything else to do but work,” said another source close to Bush, frequent Weekly World News source ‘CR.’

While current rules stipulate that felons can’t serve in Congress, Republicans are busy trying to overturn those rules as well.

“Laws the Republican Congress passed during Clinton’s presidency to hurt Democrats are now being overturned to help Republicans,” said ‘CR.’

Still, Republican Senator Burt Stroud of Wyoming is greatly saddened by these plans.

“I’m sure our Founding Fathers never envisioned the day when the White House would become the Big House,” he said.
Great stuff, as always. The crack journalists at the Weekly World News have all the scoops -- the Bat Boy, Clinton's endorsement by aliens, Elvis's triumphant return(s) to life, etc. etc. -- so it's not surprising that they beat out that stodgy old Mainstream Media once again.

On a serious note, this is one of the best signs I've seen so far that the theme of "Bush's people are all crooks" has really spread across the country. When you've tapped into the WWN, you've struck the subconscience of the American people. As sad as that may be.

2 comments:

S.W. Anderson said...

Uh, does Armstrong Williams happen to work at the Weekly World News? Jeff Gannon/Guckert, maybe?

Omigod! You say Ari Fleischer does?!

Thrillhous said...

These WWN people are prescient. The latest poll from USA Today finds that fewer than 1 in 10 adults want a candidate who mostly agrees with Bush on issues. Contrast that to '02 and even '04.

By the way, that poll's got bush at 37% approval, with 34% believing aliens have already visited us (okay, that's from a different poll).