Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Bride of Frankenstein

The Smoking Gun has officially come up with the most bizarre documents it's ever had -- a sick four-page "Contract of Wifely Expectations" that an Iowa nutcase designed to keep a leash on his wife.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. You'll just have to read the whole thing yourself.

(Thanks to Atrios for finding this and making me feel like the greatest husband in the world.)


Studiodave said...

Ida Know. He may be on to something. My wife needs to accept such discipline. Perhaps a contract with a fagala font would help my case.

Also, I think he was being reasonable in withdrawing thong demands on those "heavy" days.

Otto Man said...

I did like the girlie romantic-novel font. Nice touch.

Maybe he thought it would take the edge off his system of awarding "good behavior" points for anal penetration.

TravisG said...

Boy, is my wife ever gonna be sore when she finds out those aren't standard-issue marital demands. I might hafta revoke her Internet privileges until this all blows over...

Isaac Carmichael said...

Wow...this looks a lot like the contract for America. Only this document does at least let you keep some shred of basic human dignity.

And to be fair, she does get 19 whole points for unexpected anal intercourse.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

I think it's pretty obvious that this guy is a world-class douchebag, but I find it really difficult to work up any sympathy for a woman who would give a guy like this a second date, let alone marry him.

It reminds me of that Bill Hicks routine:

-That guy's Satan!

-You don't know him like I do.

-He's the Prince of Darkness!

-I can change him.

Mr Furious said...

Holy Crap! I've been hearing about this thing for a few days, but I just now sat down and adjusted my eyes too read that crappy fax.

World-class douchebag is my early favorite for Understatement of the Year.

The (un)funny thing is, perhaps the dickiest part, to me, is that she has to purchase her own birthday gift and it has to be some sexual shit for him to further humiliate her with. He cannot even buy her a fucking present of his own initiative. Would it kill him to do anything for his wife?

I'm really hoping it turns out that the wife is Chuck Norris' sister...

TravisG said...

If that were so, Mr. Furious, the Internet might collapse in on itself.