Thursday, March 08, 2007

Breaking News

This just in:
DURHAM, NC. (TPP) -- Duke University, known for its teary-eyed athletes, mathematics team, and raping contests, is reportedly under suspicion for testing nuclear weapons and housing terrorists training facilities on its campus. .... Authorities say the school has been under suspicion for some time after Hitler's remains were uncovered along with a laundry list of Taliban contacts and terror plots last summer in "Krzyzewskiville," a student haven for pi-reciting virgins and Star Wars enthusiasts.
For the rest of this disturbing story, check out The Phat Phree.


Otto Man said...

I normally don't like Bill Simmons of ESPN, but this was a nice moment:

Congrats to Coach K for questioning why Hansbrough was still in the game and inadvertently using Isiah Thomas' "he was asking for it" defense. And the Duke fans wonder why everyone hates Duke. If the roles were reversed, and this had happened to McRoberts, Coach K would have shown up for the news conference covered in McRoberts's blood, fighting back tears, urging for the offending UNC player to be suspended for the entire ACC tournament and basically looking like Jackie Kennedy in Dallas after the JFK shooting. God, I hate Duke.

S.W. Anderson said...

OK, Duke has some problems. But let's concentrate on what's really important these days.

Does the university ban smoking and trans fats? Does it keep gays in the closet and book holy-rolling gamblers and mean-mouthed TV's to share political insights at the podium?

Otto Man said...

Duke was where Richard Nixon gained his understanding of the law and first decided to go into politics. 'Nuff said.