First, upon seeing this album cover, I immediately thought of this classic movie moment.
Second, I tried to imagine just what Ira North would look like if he really were a woman. I'm thinking he'd be a little less mannish than Ann Coulter, but a bit more feminine than Jonah Goldberg. Probably something akin to the cross-dressing scene from Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask), the one that features the guy from the Dunkin Donuts ad.
And then with those two pop culture references colliding, a little bit of me died inside.
Might as well get to the music. Here's this week's FRT:
1. Barry White, "It's Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next to Me" -- Back in college, my girlfriend at the time took me to see Mr. White on his stadium tour. It was as lushly ridiculous as you might imagine. The backdrop to the stage was a giant satin headboard, with a nineteen piece string section in formal wear arrayed in front of it. Barry's sultry backup singers were not only scantily clad, but wheeled onto the stage in giant champagne glasses, while the man himself was wearing what appeared to be a velvet muumuu. There was so much sexual energy coming off that stage, I'm pretty sure I got pregnant just by being in his presence. 8/10
2. Gang Starr, "The Illest Brother" -- A nice little track off Daily Operation. I managed to catch Guru and DJ Premier a couple years back in NYC, but I'll be damned if I know what they've been up to since. Anyone? 7/10
3. Radiohead, "Idioteque (live)" -- And the live show memories continue! This is from their official live CD, I Might Be Wrong. I managed to catch this tour when they came to Liberty State Park in August 2001. It was a spectacular concert, with the Statue of Liberty off to one side in the background and the World Trade Center off in the other direction. Sadly, this was less than a month before 9/11 Changed Everything. 7/10
4. Mahotella Queens, "Khubetswana Yeso" -- Man, I wish I could say I've seen them live as well. Well, I could say it, but it wouldn't be true. One of the sweetest vocal groups of African pop, these ladies usually back up Malathini, but here they're solo. Not too bad. 6/10
5. Sugar, "If I Can't Change Your Mind" -- I'd really like to know what kind of antidepressants they had Bob Mould on for this album. A little bit too sunny here, but still fairly strummeriffic. (Oh, I saw him on this tour. Wearing a big polka-dot shirt on his big fat body.) 5/10
6. The Smiths, "This Charming Man (live)" -- Another live track, but another band I never saw live. I don't suppose there's anyone who's made it past puberty who would consider this song "cool," though. In fact, I'm pretty sure this should be on that guy's list of songs that give you the gay. 4/10
7. Outkast, "Humble Mumble" -- One of my favorite tunes from these gentlemen. Scorchingly fast vocals, infectious hooks, and terrific lyrics. "She said she thought hip-hop was only guns and alcohol / I said 'Oh hell naw!' But yet it's that too / You can't discrimi-hate cause you done read a book or two." Don't discrimi-hate, people. Seen 'em twice. 9/10
8. ... And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, "Worlds Apart" -- A nice straightforward rocker, one that wins you over from the moment you hear the sounds of giggling children and then the sound of the lead singer screaming "Hey, fuck you, man!" Truly touching. Never saw them, but I believe I would know them by the trail of dead. 6/10
9. The Black Keys, "Nobody But You" -- And we're back on the concert trail! These guys opened for Radiohead on their recent tour -- where I enjoyed them in the presence of Natalie Portman, a show lovingly and enviously described here -- and played a much too short, but incredibly ass-kicking set. 8/10
10. Grant Green, "Brazil" -- I must have a half dozen versions of this song, but this rendition by jazz guitarist Grant Green is one of my favorites. Really impressive fretwork, from a nice LP he did on "the Latin bit." Unable to time travel into the 1960s, I never saw him. 6/10
Alright, that gives me a 6.6 average, which apparently means I'm part of the conspiracy in this new, shitty-looking Jim Carrey movie. Come on. It's in Revelations, people!!!
Let's see what you've got. Drop your own FRT in the comments below, or else you can rub in the fact that you saw the Smiths with the Mahotella Queens backing them up, covering Grant Green tunes. Bastards.