Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Remote Control

I'm home today with a brutal case of the flu -- thanks for nothing, flu shot! -- and suffering through the heartache known as daytime television.

Having an IQ higher than the outside temperature, I naturally keep switching away from the news networks everytime they rush in with the latest BREAKING NEWS in the Anna Nicole Smith story. (Listen, every death is tragic, but I didn't give a shit about her when she was alive, and I certainly don't need wall-to-wall coverage of the legal debate over the final resting place of her breast implants. Sorry.)

The constant channel-switching would be bad enough under full strength, but with the flu it's becoming too much for me. If there are any inventors out there, I'd recommend you get cracking on a voice-activated remote control. Something that'll automatically switch away from CNN at the first mention of "Anna Nicole" or the very first syllable out of mouth-breathing Mussolini Glenn Beck.

No matter how high my fever's gone, I'm not going to care about anything along those lines.


Studiodave said...

It sounds like you may not pay your annual dues to the Nancy Grace fan club.


Otto Man said...

Remember that guy who had epileptic seizures whenever Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight spoke? That's what Nancy Grace does to me.

Isaac Carmichael said...

I feel for you, man. Hope you're feeling better soon. And I must say, I admire your fortitude...blogging is the furthest thing from my mind when I get sick.

I don't know about the voice-activated remote control, but you might want one of these when you've recovered.

TravisG said...

I don't know what kind of drugs they're giving you (or what you keep in your private stash), but there's some soap opera that comes on after our noon newscast that is FUCKED UP.

Some little girl speaks in cartoon bubbles and shit, and the Scissor Sisters were on it for a few days a couple of weeks ago. I watch it with the volume turned down, so I don't know what it is, but it's on NBC around 1 p.m.