Monday, February 12, 2007

We're Talking Cabbage Patch Kids Riots

The stem cell "debate" has always seemed kind of inane to me. The anti-cure people are all up in arms because they'd rather throw fertilized eggs in the trash than use them to make people's life better. They will be on the right side of the argument when everyone agrees that fertility clinics should be outlawed.

Now word comes that instead of curing obscure diseases that afflict athletes and actors, some more practical uses are about to bloom.
Scientists in Japan claim to be able to increase the size of a woman's breasts using fat and stem cells.

The technique uses fat from the stomach or thigh which is then enriched with stem cells before being injected.

It is hoped the method could prove a more natural-looking alternative to artificial implants filled with salt water or silicone.

While the article voices some skepticism about the technique, it does use one of my favorite words when describing the procedure.

While big, "natural" breasts may sound like an odd thing to boost support (heh) for a would-be controversial procedure, this indicates where scientists are headed with stem cell research. And where they're headed is bigger pricks.

Don't laugh. If stem cells can make boobs bigger, don't you think that scientists are already at work at a penis enlargement that utilizes stem cells? And if some successful method was developed, what do you think would happen to support for stem cell research in this country? Would a bunch of old white guys stand in the way between a man and his dream?

It's hard to believe, but still after 6 years of countrywide mismanagement there is an enormous amount of political apathy in America. The possibility of a bigger dong would get a massive amount of men to snap to attention. If all that stood between you and a big schlong was some dick, how long do you think he'd stay in office?


Thrillhous said...

I heard letting bees sting you there gets you the same result.

Mike said...

Good point, ICR. Viagra was fast-tracked through the FDA, wasn't it?

My concern is are they finally gonna get me that penis-reduction treatment I need so badly? Not only I, but my tailor, my plumber, and my wife are getting desparate too.

Otto Man said...

There's an article on Phat Phree addressing your plight, Mike. I can't search for it at work, but hit the site and use the appropriate keywords. Trust me.

Mike said...

That was pretty funny. I like the scuba-suit condom with the Mexican gal. Excellent.

(Somehow, "spzms" seems an appropriate word verification)

Shane Rollins said...

Wait...salt-water implants?

alex_supertramp said...

not sure if anyone here (hell, anyone period) saw idiocracy recently but while it was more than a bit vapid and overly silly there were some genuinely funny parts (generally involving mediocre and again, lightheartedly silly, bathroom humor) but the general premise was a very interesting -and yes, disturbing in how accurate it is. The idea is that dumb people are reproducing at numbers far outpacing more intelligent types and that in the not to distant future everyone will be as stupid as our monkey-boy president, if not, god forbid, even dumber....anywho, one of the telling signs of this decline is that researchers were far too busy developing hair replacement and erectile dysfunction medications to notice how stupid everyone was becoming --- seems a bit TOO apropos......

S.W. Anderson said...

Hate to deflate anyone's hopes here, but I'm pretty sure it would take more than stem cells and fat cells to successfully enlarge a properly functioning penis.

The penis is a muscle, made up of muscle-type cells. Elargement and stiffness result from long, spongy chambers filling with blood.

So, more muscle cells and bigger spongy chambers would be needed. Maybe someday stem cells will be able to make that happen, but I wouldn't hold my ... er, breath, waiting.