(The following was recorded at the downtown Atlanta Hilton at 9 am EST. Please forward all press inquiries to the LLPON.com media relations department).
SD: Good morning. Thank you for coming out this morning. What I'm about to tell you has been difficult on both my family and myself. I take full responsibility for my actions and the consequences to follow. I have always considered myself a private person and I do not embrace the media spotlight.
(Drink of water) (Cameras flash)
SD: For the last 15 years, I have has sexual relations with Anna Nicole Smith. Due to my rebellious nature, I have always neglected to wear protection in bed.
SD: Although the last time we had relations was approximately 13 months and 4 days ago, I was unaware until contacted by my DNA specialist / lawyer that she had a child. I know I am the father. I am now ready to accept responsibility for my actions and any legal or financial responsibilities which may follow.
SD: Those who may *think* they know me and would make wild allegations like I have never mentioned this before, I have never slept with anyone one than my wife, or that this is a pathetic stab at $85 million dollars. I apologize for leading this double life of sex with Playboy playmates and getting overall "jiggy with it".
It is my hope this won't come to a paternity test and thus keep it out of the media's harsh and judging spotlight. I would, in fact, refuse one for the sheer moral offense it would do to my character.
I will not take any questions at this times.
(Steps back). (IRod steps up to the microphone).
PRESS: You lived with SD out of college. Can you vouch for his whereabouts in the early 90's?
IR: Yo, I stand by my man SD. He and I used to kick it at the Playboy mansion. It was a time of our lives we weren't proud of.
(Behind the curtain)
IR's Wife: WHAT? You guys sat in a basement apartment for 4 years drinking malt liquor and playing Sega Hockey.
IR: (To wife) Now's not a good time. Listen, we all make mistakes. SD has lived the fast lane and must now pay the consequences.
PRESS: Mr. Rod, what is your occupation?
IR: SD has retained me as his for hire drinking buddy and spokesperson.
PRESS: Is money the root of this whole circus?
IR: This circus as you call it is SD's life. You have no right to judge. You people think money is everything and you make me sick. Good day.
PRESS: But IRod!
IR: I SAID GOOD DAY TO YOU!