As you may have heard, my main man Felix Allen has issued yet another variation of his apology for being a racist. He did so at the “ethnic rally” Otto Man highlighted a couple days ago, which was comprised of the dozen or so nonwhites who can stand to be in the same room as him. This time, he broadened his apology to cover his youthful indiscretions; in other words, touting confederate symbols in his teens, having a lynching noose in his office in his twenties, flying a confederate flag at his house in his thirties, opposing MLK day in his forties, and calling that guy a monkey in his fifties, among others. Here’s a little of what he had to say on Tuesday:
"On football teams and every team sport, you don't care about someone's religion, race or their ethnicity," he said. "All you care about is if that person can help your team. Can he block, punt, pass or kick. It's a true meritocracy... and it's that meritocracy that you see on a football field and on a football team that we should aspire for in our society here in America."
Allen loves to talk about his “football background,” as if he were more than just a coach’s kid. For all his man’s man rhetoric about sports and war, there’s two places he wasn’t in 1970: in Vietnam, and on a football field. Allen did play football in high school, but that’s it; even sorry-ass UVA didn’t want him on their team, despite the fact that his daddy coached the Washington NFL team. It’s kinda like when Bush or Cheney rambles on about terrorism, Saddam, Al Qaeda, WMD, and 9/11, leaving the listener to make connections that shouldn’t be made.
George Felix Allen sucked, SUCKED, at football. It doesn’t appear he’s ever excelled at any sport, unless falconry can be considered a sport. Yeah, when I think meritocracy, I think falconry.
5 comments:
Great tidbit about the kid's name, Otto!
Believe me, the more you know Felix, the douchier he gets.
You're onto something, Mike. Felix is similar to W in a lot of ways. He never would've been elected to anything in VA if his dad wasn't a famous football coach.
Really? When I think meritocracy, I think fox hunts!
True. If the fox can't escape the horde or hounds and armed men on horseback, then he doesn't deserve to live.
Since the cold, harsh light of negative publicity has denied Allen his life's theme of blatant, good ol' boy bigotry, and now Thrillhouse has pulled the Asstrotuff mat out from under his pseudosportsman persona, he needs something new.
I suggest gluttony based on fast food. We're told Americans are fatter'n ever and getting worse all the time, mostly due to gorging on the four basic food groups: sugar, salt, starch and grease.
So Allen's new thing should be unapologetic fast-food gluttony. The more triple cheeseburgers with cheese and chili fries on the side, all washed down with a whipped double-fudge shake, the better. No fear, no apologies, no cholesterol tests. Talk about bypass surgeries with pride.
He can lead right-wing red staters in sneering at elitist liberal twits with their dainty turkey, swiss and veggie pita wraps, with no-cal Crystal Lite to drink. Health warnings be damned. Real Americans don't eat politically correct. Remember, lite's for liberals.
That's actually not a bad idea, SWA. Allen does like to hang out in burger joints, being a manly man who likes his burgers extra rare and his fries extra french. He could do like that Supersize Me guy and eat nothing but fast food until election day. He'd do it for the kids, of course.
Fox hunting is pretty meritocratic, but you have to get off your ass. With falconry, the bird does all the work. Much more Felix's speed.
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