With the start of the NFL season just one tantalizing week away, it seems like it's time -- at long last -- to drop this incredible turd of an album on all of you.Now, you may remember Terry Bradshaw from such careers as quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers, football analyst with the semiretarded Fox NFL zoo crew, or perhaps even his stint as the only actor who could make chronic stutterer Mel Tillis look like silver-tongued performer.
Despite all that, the odds are tragically good that you may not have heard Terry Bradshaw's angelic singing voice.
Well, here it is. Go bask in its tragedy. We'll wait.
Done?
Yeah, me too. In fact, after that, I may be done forever.
It can only improve from here, so let's get rolling with the Friday Random Ten. If you're just emerging from a coma, here's how you play. Take out your iWhatever, set it on random, and give us the first ten songs that pop up. If you want to get all fancy with it, you can also conduct a relatively painless Coolness Self-Audit by ranking the songs on a scale of 1 to 10. (N.B.: Do not attempt to use heavy machinery while conducting the Coolness Self-Audit. But by all means, do attempt to use heavy metal.)
Alright, here's mine.
1. Common feat. Laetitia Sadler from Stereolab, "New Wave" -- This may be the greatest merger of talent since chocolate first combined with milk. I never would've imagined these two getting together to record a song, but it works quite well. The verses are a little sparse, but the combined chorus is absofuckinglutely amazing. 10/10
2. The Cure, "Love Cats" -- There was a weird moment back in the late '80s when all of our high school alternative favorites poked their head into the mainstream. The Smiths, R.E.M., and all the rest had a semi-hit, and this was clearly the Cure's. On the bright side, the video for this song had the only dance that was easier than the Ickey Shuffle. 6/10
3. Iggy Pop, "The Passenger" -- I love the breadth of Iggy Pop's career, back to the first Stooges album, but this may well be my favorite song of his. Catchy hook, driving beat, and some nice dead-eyes vocals. 10/10
4. Al Green, "Here I Am (Come and Take Me)" -- Damn, it's nothing but hits today. You can't go wrong with the Reverend, unless of course you're coming off a bad breakup. There may be no other artist whose repertoire is so wholly about love and marriage. Listening to his greatest hits after a relationship's tragic end must be like the scene from "Better Off Dead" where the radio plays nothing but love songs. 7/10
5. Weezer, "In My Garage" -- This song comes dangerously close to describing my junior high years. "I've got Dungeon Master's Guide / I've got 12-sided die / I've got Kitty Pryde / And Nightcrawler too / Waiting there for me / Yes I do, I do // I've got posters on the wall / My favorite rock group KISS / I've got Ace Frehley / I've got Peter Criss / Waiting there for me." Man, good thing I managed to turn out so cool. Right? Right?!? 8/10
6. Eric B. and Rakim, "I Ain't No Joke" -- Goddamn, what a great song. Stunningly sparse beats and a great horn hook from former presidential nominee Eric B., with his running mate Rakim dropping enough science to merit the Nobel Prize. 10/10
7. Electric Light Orchestra, "Evil Woman" -- Although the difference between this song and the last one is about as big as Jeff Lynne's afro, I still love it. ELO embodies the very finest in 1970s pop excess -- lush orchestral arrangements, way too much synthesizer, and high-soaring, estrogen-laden male vocals -- but, dammit, it works. I believe that now that the New Wave revival has faded, the next bit of our musical past to be re-embraced is the ELO shtick. Brace yourselves! 8/10
8. The Go! Team, "Ladyflash" -- Some poppy, happy, electropop from the UK. Not exactly earth-shattering, but it does what it sets out to do fairly well. 6/10
9. Cibo Matto, "Moonchild" -- I know the debut album is supposed to be their best, but I've always had a soft spot for Stereo Type A. Sweet vocals, light hooks, and the wholesome goodness of Miho Hatori. Very nice. 9/10
10. The National, "Looking for Astronauts" -- I can't remember who recommended this piece of crap band to me, and that's probably a good thing. 1/10
Well, I had a nice run going until that last song screwed it up for me, but even then I wound up with a 7.5 average. I'm officially three-quarters cool, much in the same way the nepotism pop supergroup Wilson Phillips was two-thirds hot. I can live with that.
Alright, folks. Let's see what you've got. Go ahead and drop your own FRT in the comments below, or else feel free to expound on what I bungled here.
9 comments:
Let's see what Bill Gates wants me to listen to today!
1) Goodbye Blue Sky - Floyd. My favorite tune of the Wall. 8/10
2) The Fountain of Lamneth - Rush. Great, great song, if you've got 20 minutes on your hands. 9/10
3) Somewhere - Soundgarden. Super-duper great song, one of the few written by the new(ish) bassist. 10/10
4) Dominion - Danzig. When Glen hits, he hits. When he misses, he misses. This one missed. 5/10
5) Disposition - Tool. Instrumental, but not another noise special. Doesn't do much for me. 6/10
6) Beyond and Before - Yes. This particular cut is the demo, so the mixing is surprisingly bad. Still, I totally love this song! 10/10
7) The Battle of Evermore - Zep. Renfest fans everywhere, unite! 11/10
8) Welcome to the Machine - Floyd. Welcome to one of Roger Waters' whiniest performances. 7/10
9) A Time and a Place - ELP. From the underappreciated Tarkus album. That's the one about a big mechanical armadillo on wheels that terrorizes humanity, until a Manticore swoops in and kicks its ass. Rock on! 11/10
10) Rock the Night - Europe. Why yes, yes I will rock the night. Thank you, Europe. 10/10
Not too shabby!
My Fringe-related absence last week must mean that this FRT is going to ROCK, right? God, I hope so.
1. Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin. Not a bad start, if I do say so myself. It's a long song, but it doesn't FEEL that long. 7/10.
2. Metropolitan Glide - Tom Waits. Quirky little song from Tom Waits. I know, sounds redundant, doesn't it? 8/10.
3. God Is Love - Marvin Gaye. This is a really catchy song, but it's more like a lead-in to the astoundingly good "Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)" than a song on its own right. 6/10.
4. Walking Alone - Green Day. I know they're getting a lot of pop appeal with their latest record, but I've always liked Nimrod best. I mean, they use HARMONICAS in this song, for Pete's sake! 8/10.
5. Prosperity Blues - Keb' Mo'. Nice blues song about how hard it is to be a blues musician when you've got everything you want. 7/10.
6. Funky Kingston - Toots & The Maytals. Hell yes! Not my favourite Toots song, but this one can get my toes a-tappin' and fingers snappin' any time. 9/10.
7. Ideal Woman - William Shatner. Oh man, how to rate this on coolness? Ironic, post-pop, Ben Folds-produced William Shatner. Brain...melting...ah it's moderately cool, I'll just give it a 7/10 and be done with it.
8. The Beat - Elvis Costello. Vintage Elvis, but this song leaves me a little flat. 6/10.
9. Cigarette - Ben Folds Five. Short, sad song. It's okay, but that's about it. 6/10.
10. Crazy Betty - The Fabulous Beefeeders. An Edmonton band that almost none of you will have heard of. Funky, rocking song that's probably one of their best. 8/10.
So that gives me 72/100, or 7.2. Not bad for a return to the fold.
I'd just like to thank Thrillhous for kicking off Zeptember on the right note.
Ha! Great point, OM. With the Doc blasting Whole Lotta Love, you know it's that time of year.
Whoops, I didn't realize the Doc had also paid tribute. Nice. A two-fer Friday!
1. The Streets – “Wouldn’t Have it Any Other Way,” from A Grand Don’t Come for Free
The problem I have with The Streets is the same problem I have with some sports franchises: he’s just one guy, but his name is plural, so “are” The Streets or “is” The Streets? “Are” the Heat or “is” the Heat? Lucky for him, the music holds up. 7/10
2. Jane’s Addiction – “Up the Beach,” from Nothing’s Shocking
Nevermind changed Milt forever, but Jane’s was the first modern rock group he got behind, in no small part because their risqué album covers made him feel like a rebel. 8/10
3. Deerhoof – Free EP 2006
Haha. Been waiting for something like this to happen. The whole EP is one file, which is available free on the ‘hoof’s site. Covers and live ditties. I’m going to ride out all 23 mins. See you later. 8/10
4. Jurassic 5 – “Contribution,” from Quality Control
Not one of the best songs on this album, which is to say it’s faulking spectacular! 8/10
5. Rage Against the Machine – “In My Eyes,” from Renegades
A great faulking band covering a greater faulking song! What’s not to like?
For one, it’s a note for note cover, a MinorThreat-wannabe version instead of RATM’s take on it (which should be the point of any cover). Should’ve known the end was near when they released a gotdamn covers album. Honestly. Audioslave fellates donkeys. That’s all Milt’s saying. 6/10
6. Primus – “Hellbound 17 ½ (Theme From),” from Tales From the Punchbowl
Primus sucks! I haven’t heard anything Les has done since Primus, which is baffling since them was one of Milt’s faves as a Hoosier teen, but rumor has it Les hits the jam band scene these days, which explains that. 7/10
7. Johnny Cash – “The Ballad of Ira Hayes,” from The Essential Johnny Cash
Didn’t it kind of piss you off to watch the biopic and see how many problems dude had? I don’t have 1/10th as many problems and I’m still not a huge rock star. Wait a second…. 8/10
8. A Cricket in Times Square – “Mourning Son,” from A Cricket in Times Square
Milt’s rec of the week! Outstanding record of seventiesish rock. 8/10
9. Beck – “Side of the Road,” from Sea Change
The shocked response of John Q. Rock by how quickly Beck’s bringing out the follow-up to Guero is sad representation of how infrequently bands put albums out these days. It’s your job, musicians. C’mon. The first single “Nausea” is Beck-catalog-worthy, which is to say outstanding. Sea Change really isn’t Friday music…. 8/10
10. Method Man – “P.L.O. Style,” from Tical
This is from way back at that point in Meth’s career when all he would talk and rap about was Middle Eastern politics. Thank God that passed. 6/10
This is from way back at that point in Meth’s career when all he would talk and rap about was Middle Eastern politics. Thank God that passed.
True. But you have to admit, "Hezbollah (Hellz Yeah)" had a pretty sweet beat.
Thrill-
Evermore and Goodbye Blue Sky. It's cool accoustic day at the 'Hous House, huh? Nice.
And to think, as a wee lad, I used to skip Evermore in my haste to get from Rock 'n Roll to Stairway!
Milt-
Drunken Ira Hayes. I never know whether to laugh or cry when I hear that one.
I guess I shoudl do both.
Mike, you used to skip Evermore? I guess I can forgive that, as you were a kid at the time.
I still remember when I figured out that "Ramble On" was vaguely about Lord of the Rings. I was like, "whoa, he just said 'Gollum'!" Thought I was so cool.
Kinda like when Larry Holmes said "I love Larry Holmes" and then kissed both his own hands.
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