Now My Pants Are Chafing Me ...

In honor of the imminent start to the glory that is known as the NFL season, I'd like to pass along this bit of football news:

DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) -- A Detroit Lions assistant coach was arrested twice in the past two weeks -- once while police say he was driving nude and a week later on suspicion of drunken driving.

Police in the Detroit suburb of Dearborn said Joe Cullen, who coaches the team's defensive line, was pulled over Aug. 24 and ticketed on suspicion of indecent and obscene conduct. The ticket does not provide any other information about why Cullen allegedly was nude. The Lions said alcohol was involved.

Then, on Sept. 1, police stopped his 2006 Ford Explorer and determined he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.12 percent, court records show. The legal limit for drivers in Michigan in 0.08 percent.

I know they said Mike Martz was going to bring a wide-open approach to the Lions this season, but I didn't realize it would be that wide open.

Hopefully, this can become a team tradition, like playing on Thanksgiving day and, oh, having eight losses by the time they play on Thanksgiving day.

The 38-year-old, who was hired from the University of Illinois, issued a statement Wednesday to apologize.

"I would like to apologize to the Detroit Lions organization, our fans, my family and friends for any embarrassment these incidents have caused," he said. "These incidents represent a mistake in judgment on my part. I deeply regret them and have learned a valuable lesson. It won't happen again."

Cullen was fired from the University of Mississippi in 2005 after an alcohol-related arrest at a restaurant. Mississippi Athletic Director Pete Boone told the Detroit Free Press on Wednesday that no one from the Lions contacted him for a reference.

Wow. Nice to see that Matt Millen isn't just incompetent when it comes to recruiting players, but that he's also horrible at judging the character of his coaches.

This guy got fired from Ole Miss for an alcohol-related incident? Has anyone here ever been to an Ole Miss game? They won't let you in the gate unless you can prove a 0.08 BAC or else show proof of purchase for a Value Jug of Southern Comfort. I mean, for chrissakes, this guy is still the program's poster boy. I'm pretty sure when Ole Miss thinks you're too much of a drunk, the state is actually required by law to check you into a rehab center.

And yet once again, professional George Papadapoulous lookalike Matt Millen shows that there's no idiot or assclown that he won't bet the house on.

God, I love this game.