As with all things whiny, the War on the War on Christmas is being led by the brave culture warriors at "Fox News." Taking away from their busy schedule of tracking missing white women and fellating the president, the network's leading figures have begun a fair-and-balanced look at why liberals are out to destroy Baby Jesus.
John Gibson, a man so white he lacks pigment, hair color and, apparently, a conscience, has been leading the charge for some time now. (And in a stunning coincidence, he even has a book for sale on this very subject! You might have overlooked it, though, because it's subtly titled The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought.)
Never one to miss an opportunity to get his name in the spotlight, Bill O'Reilly has jumped on board this bandwagon. Media Matters has a lovely post with all the details:
On the November 28 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, host Bill O'Reilly pointed to "a very secret plan" by the "secular progressive" movement, which he said aims to "diminish Christian philosophy in the U.S.A." It is a plan he links to his perception that many now avoid the holiday greeting "Merry Christmas." O'Reilly's disclosure of this "secret plan" was followed the day after by a rant on his radio show against the "hateful liars" who "spit out" "blatant propaganda" that is "picked up by the mainstream media, and rammed down the public's throat."You heard him, people. Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and Castro -- all progressives! The Holocaust? Progressive! The Gulag Archipelago? Progressive!
According to O'Reilly, the "secular progressive" movement has three elements:
* First, progressive financiers George Soros and Peter Lewis "pour money into the ACLU [American Civil Liberties Union], they pour money into the smear websites, you know, they buy up a lot of media time."
* Second, "the ACLU is their legal arm. ... [T]he ACLU runs around the country suing everybody and intimidating people."
* Third, "the smear websites are their media arm."
O'Reilly said these three elements operate "in tandem":
O'REILLY: [Y]ou use your left-wing smear websites to go after anybody who stands up for Christmas. If you stand up for Christmas, they come after you. So the tandem intimidates. The tandem intimidates. Suing on one hand; smearing on the other hand.
The result? According to O'Reilly:
O'REILLY: In every secular progressive country, they've wiped out religion ... Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, all of them. That's the first step. Get the religion out of there, so that we can impose our big-government, progressive agenda.
Bravely standing on guard against such progressive activity here in the U. S. of A., Bill O'Reilly is leading the new crusade to defend Christmas. And in case you doubt that Christmas needs defending, Commie, just remember all the other people who've stepped forward to save it, as chronicled in such videos as "The Toy That Saved Christmas," "The Chiropractor That Saved Christmas," "The Chicken That Saved Christmas," "How the Pirates Saved Christmas," "How the Flintstones Saved Christmas," "KISS Saves Santa," etc. etc.
Well, Bill O'Reilly is as good as any chicken, and almost as smart as Fred Flintstone. And he knows how can you defend the holiest of Christian holidays. How? By living up to the teachings of Jesus Christ and shopping 'til you drop. But only at those stores that wish you a "Merry Christmas" each and every day from late October through mid-February. If they say "Happy Holidays," they're scum. As O'Reilly reminds us:
Every company in America should be on its knees thanking Jesus for being born. Without Christmas, most American businesses would be far less profitable.Incidentally, O'Reilly might want to start pointing the finger at the godless secular progressives at Fox News. As Crooks and Liars discovered, the Fox News Shop has several "holiday ornaments" on sale, including -- horror of horrors -- an "O'Reilly Factor Holiday Ornament."
So get to it, people. America is only 77% Christian these days, and it's only a matter of time before the progressive secular thugs have all of them rounded up and put into concentration camps. Concentration camps with no Christmas trees.