Thursday, December 01, 2005

The War on the War on Christmas

Well, folks, it's December. And that means it's time for what's quickly become a cherished annual tradition -- the nonstop conservative whining about the "War on Christmas."

As with all things whiny, the War on the War on Christmas is being led by the brave culture warriors at "Fox News." Taking away from their busy schedule of tracking missing white women and fellating the president, the network's leading figures have begun a fair-and-balanced look at why liberals are out to destroy Baby Jesus.

John Gibson, a man so white he lacks pigment, hair color and, apparently, a conscience, has been leading the charge for some time now. (And in a stunning coincidence, he even has a book for sale on this very subject! You might have overlooked it, though, because it's subtly titled The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought.)

Never one to miss an opportunity to get his name in the spotlight, Bill O'Reilly has jumped on board this bandwagon. Media Matters has a lovely post with all the details:
On the November 28 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, host Bill O'Reilly pointed to "a very secret plan" by the "secular progressive" movement, which he said aims to "diminish Christian philosophy in the U.S.A." It is a plan he links to his perception that many now avoid the holiday greeting "Merry Christmas." O'Reilly's disclosure of this "secret plan" was followed the day after by a rant on his radio show against the "hateful liars" who "spit out" "blatant propaganda" that is "picked up by the mainstream media, and rammed down the public's throat."

According to O'Reilly, the "secular progressive" movement has three elements:

* First, progressive financiers George Soros and Peter Lewis "pour money into the ACLU [American Civil Liberties Union], they pour money into the smear websites, you know, they buy up a lot of media time."
* Second, "the ACLU is their legal arm. ... [T]he ACLU runs around the country suing everybody and intimidating people."
* Third, "the smear websites are their media arm."


O'Reilly said these three elements operate "in tandem":

O'REILLY: [Y]ou use your left-wing smear websites to go after anybody who stands up for Christmas. If you stand up for Christmas, they come after you. So the tandem intimidates. The tandem intimidates. Suing on one hand; smearing on the other hand.

The result? According to O'Reilly:

O'REILLY: In every secular progressive country, they've wiped out religion ... Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Fidel Castro, all of them. That's the first step. Get the religion out of there, so that we can impose our big-government, progressive agenda.
You heard him, people. Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and Castro -- all progressives! The Holocaust? Progressive! The Gulag Archipelago? Progressive!

Bravely standing on guard against such progressive activity here in the U. S. of A., Bill O'Reilly is leading the new crusade to defend Christmas. And in case you doubt that Christmas needs defending, Commie, just remember all the other people who've stepped forward to save it, as chronicled in such videos as "The Toy That Saved Christmas," "The Chiropractor That Saved Christmas," "The Chicken That Saved Christmas," "How the Pirates Saved Christmas," "How the Flintstones Saved Christmas," "KISS Saves Santa," etc. etc.

Well, Bill O'Reilly is as good as any chicken, and almost as smart as Fred Flintstone. And he knows how can you defend the holiest of Christian holidays. How? By living up to the teachings of Jesus Christ and shopping 'til you drop. But only at those stores that wish you a "Merry Christmas" each and every day from late October through mid-February. If they say "Happy Holidays," they're scum. As O'Reilly reminds us:
Every company in America should be on its knees thanking Jesus for being born. Without Christmas, most American businesses would be far less profitable.
Incidentally, O'Reilly might want to start pointing the finger at the godless secular progressives at Fox News. As Crooks and Liars discovered, the Fox News Shop has several "holiday ornaments" on sale, including -- horror of horrors -- an "O'Reilly Factor Holiday Ornament."

So get to it, people. America is only 77% Christian these days, and it's only a matter of time before the progressive secular thugs have all of them rounded up and put into concentration camps. Concentration camps with no Christmas trees.

11 comments:

Drew said...

It never ceases to amaze me how many people hate O'Reilly.

Not that I totally disagree with you...but he must have the pulse of some Americans if he is so popular.

When was the last time liberals declared war on anything, except for fetal rights and basic human decency?

Studiodave said...

If you just listen to his talking points (ie have a 30 second attention span), he makes perfect sense.

Unfortunately, the average American isn't getting any smarter any time soon...

Otto Man said...

he must have the pulse of some Americans if he is so popular

Well, "Kangaroo Jack" was the number one movie in the country for a few weeks. Popularity didn't make it smart or good either.

In any case, I think O'Reilly's popularity is dwindling. He lost a third of his viewers between last October and this March, and he hasn't recovered yet. Seems like this is another in a long line of ratings stunts.

When was the last time liberals declared war on anything, except for fetal rights and basic human decency?

Unless Richard Nixon's Supreme Court appointee Harry Blackmun is somehow a liberal, I'm not sure liberals get credit for the War on Fetal Rights.

Liberals did, however, declare War on Poverty, which
as census data shows
, managed to cut overall poverty rates nearly in half and drop the poverty rate for
black families
from 65% to 39% in just four years. That probably helped basic human decency a little, don't you think?

And, remember, in the realm of non-metaphorical war, liberals like FDR declared war on Adolph Hitler and Tojo. And a liberal named Harry Truman effectively declared war on communism. I seem to recall that both those turned out alright, too.

Thrillhous said...

Geez, guys, if you keep this up we're going to end up on O'Reilly's enemies list!

It never ceases to amaze me how many people O'Reilly hates.

Studiodave said...

Has anyone noticed the increased references to "progressive" in the same negative light as "liberal" has been smeared?

I have seen it several times in the last several weeks and Ottoman's quote also references it.

Ra_wiggum said...

It never ceases to amaze me how many people hate O'Reilly

You are amazed that people hate someone who demonizes individuals who have lost loved ones? Cindy Sheehan is an obvious example, but how about Jeremy Glick. He lost his father on 9/11 and O'Reilly freaked out and screamed at him for signing an anti-war ad. How's that for basic human decency?

Thrillhous said...

I hear you, StudD, on "progressive" being cast negatively lately. They seem to especially love tying it to communism. I dont' think they'll get a whole lot of traction with that slant, but it sure worked with "liberal."

Noah said...

A fine example of how wrong and out-of-touch O'Reilly and his ilk are:

On November 29, the Detroit News did an article about how a particular neighborhood association in Novi, a city in Oakland County, is going to levvy fines against a mother and son who put a creche with the baby Jesus on their front lawn for Christmas. This neighborhood association must be chock-full of liberals!

No. I looked into it. First, Novi's state Senator and State Rep. are both Republicans. In fact, their State Rep is the Speaker of the MI House of Reps...meaning, of course, that our legislature is controlled by Republicans.

Further, Novi is considered in many polls as a 65% "safe" Republican district, meaning around 65% of the people there vote R.

So by all indication, it is a group of Republicans screaming for the removal of baby Jesus from their neighborhood.

Otto Man said...

I hear you, StudD, on "progressive" being cast negatively lately. They seem to especially love tying it to communism. I dont' think they'll get a whole lot of traction with that slant, but it sure worked with "liberal."

Well, it doesn't lend itself to witty conservative spins like "LIE-beral" and the whole "progress" part is hard to spin negatively too...

Anyway, I'm a liberal. Liberal, liberal, liberal. Liberals ended the Great Depression, won World War II, ended segregation, rolled back poverty, gave equal rights to minorities, women, and gays, fought for the environment, and now stand against ill-conceived wars, un-American torture, and general incompetence. Count me in as part of that group any day.

Mr Furious said...

Count me in as part of that group any day.

Me too!

Otto Man said...

Well said, Otto Man, throughout.

Right back at you, S.W. Nice comments above.

My father is one of the last remaining sane conservatives out there, a moderate Republican, but one who thinks liberals like me are slightly insane. A few years ago, I had a discussion with him that put the whole liberalism-conservatism thing in perspective:

"You think segregation was wrong, right? You think women should get equal pay for equal work, right? You think that a Catholic president wasn't a bad idea, right? Well, you know what they would've called you forty years ago? A flaming liberal."

"And guess what else? When your grandkids look back on this era forty years from now, they're going to look at me, your liberal son, and think I was pretty old-fashioned and conservative by their standards."

I can't remember the last time I'd so clearly won a political discussion.