A band called the Ministers' Quartet.
With an album called "Let Me Touch Him."
I just don't know how to approach that one.
Perhaps if there were some topical scandal involving clergy and sexual abuse, something that lent itself to humor and sarcasm, well, then I might have something to work with. But as it stands, I'm at a loss.
Moving right along, it's time for the Friday Random Ten. For those of you who are joining us for the first time or, like I-Rod, have the reading retention skills of a kindergartner with ADD, here's how you play: Take out your iPod or iWhatever, set it on Random, and give us the first ten songs that pop up. (Hence the name, "Friday Random Ten." Get it? It's Friday, too. Get it now?)
As always, if those of you at home would like to play the advanced version, throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well. (Check out this FRT for a friendly guide to that. Or don't. See if I care.)
Alright, here's my list. Come on, big bucks! No Whammies!
1. Minnie Riperton, "Les Fleur" -- A classic of '70s soul, recently sampled for the Jurassic 5 song "Thin Line," featuring Nelly Furtado. The soft opening lyrics and guitar, which are what J5 lifted, are quite nice, but the best part is the sudden, almost-shouted refrains coming from the backup singers. It's like a Greek chorus as arranged by George Clinton. 8/10
2. The Pixies, "Where Is My Mind?" -- One of my favorite bands, with a great tune off Surfer Rosa. This song was already incredibly cool, but its association with the final scene of Fight Club only makes it more so. 8/10
3. Wanda Jackson, "Riot in Cell Block #9" -- Jackson was a phenomenal force in '50s rockabilly. You may remember her from such appearances as the Guitar Granny in some Budweiser ads alongside Brian Setzer, or else from classic tunes like "Let's Have a Party." This tune is the basis for every crappy, sexist, exploitative Caged Heat-style women-in-prison B-movie, and for that reason alone, we owe Jackson a tremendous debt. 8/10
4. Iggy Pop, "Repo Man" -- The title track from one of the all-time great movie soundtracks. I don't care if the film starred Emilio Estevez, the soundtrack will kick your ass and then take your car. 8/10
5. Run-D.M.C., "My Adidas" -- This used to seem cool, but now it just seems like an infomerical. You know what one of them is? It's information that you get in a commercial. Eh. 5/10
6. Southern Culture on the Skids, "Camel Walk" -- One of the odder acts of the whole Nu Country revival, SCOTS are absolutely hysterical in concert. They pass out fried chicken for the audience to eat, and distribute pots and pans so they can help out with the percussion. It's like Ernest T. from "The Andy Griffith Show" formed a rockabilly trio with Goober Pyle and Lurleen Lumpkin. 7/10
7. Red House Painters, "Long Distance Runaround" -- At long last, we may have found a song that Thrillhous and I can agree on. He should love this because it's a Yes cover, and I sure as hell love it because it's a brilliant tune. I just found this recently on my new favorite music blog, Out of 5, which this week has a set of ten songs -- all covers that are better than the original. Miles Davis covering "Time After Time." 'Nuff said. 10/10
8. Electric Light Orchestra, "Do Ya" -- Say what you will about the slick '70s synthesizers and the slicker '70s manfros, but this band put out some of the most beautifully layered, carefully constructed pop songs of all time. ELO was forgotten when we, as a nation, jettisoned the Disco Era for good back in the Battle of Comiskey Park, but this band is due for a renaissance soon. (I'm not alone on this, either. Check the comments over at Pandagon.) ELO will rule again. They're already seeping into commercials -- even "Do Ya," I believe, is in a Monster.com ad now -- and from there it's only a matter of time before they're revived like New Wave has been recently. 8/10
9. Wolf Parade, "Lousy Pictures" -- Speaking of the next big thing, the word on the street is that these kids have been anointed the New Hotness. They're wrapping up a tour with Arcade Fire and seem likely to emerge from the shadows as the next band of the moment. And if you like AF, you'll like them too. Consider yourself warned. 8/10
10. Ronnie Foster, "Mystic Brew" -- Wow, looks like we've got some nice symmetry here. Like our opening tune, this is a song that's probably better known for the hiphop sample it became: the backing music for Tribe Called Quest's "Electric Relaxation." But again, this song stands on its own. For the most part, it's a solid bit of organ-driven jazz, but the last minute is absolutely scorching. 10/10
Alright, that gives me an 8.0 average, which is easily the coolest I've been rated in a long, long time.
Think you can do better than that? Then spin the wheel, raggedy man!