There is so much wrong with this album cover, I just don't know where to begin.
First of all, it doesn't look like a very happy birthday for our girl Julie. She's in a dive bar -- not faux-dive, but real dive -- and, not surprisingly, she's none too happy. And, second, if Julie's only just now turning sixteen, then what in God's name is she doing with this middle-aged Daniel Stern lookalike? (The only way this pairing makes sense is if this is a screen shot from Home Alone 4: Sixteen Candles.) And third, if Daniel Stern is breaking up with her, how come he's the one who gets the beer and cigarette? She's getting dumped by a middle-aged loser. Jesus. Help soften the blow, buddy.
So many questions, so little time. I guess that means it's time to move on to the Friday Random Ten.
You know the routine by now. Open up your iTunes or imitationTunes, set it on random, and give us the first ten songs that pop up. If you're feeling up to it, throw in a Coolness Self-Audit. (Last week, Special Guest Star Pete Smith offered a suitable ranking scale. Use it -- if you dare.)
Alright, here's my ten:
1. Loretta Lynn, "Out of My Head and Back in My Bed" -- Not really as feminist or feisty as some of her other stuff, but a rollickin' enough tune. 6/10
2. James Brown, "Give It Up or Turnit a Loose (Remix)" -- This is, without a doubt, the best song that JB ever recorded. No, better than the one you're thinking of. And much better than the other one. This is off the In the Jungle Groove LP, and it's a scorching version. There's a point about four minutes in where he stops the rest of the band and lets drummer Clyde Stubblefield and bassist Bootsy Collins loose for an amazing minute of pure, undiluted funk. If there were ever a perfect ten, this song is it. 10/10
3. Phil Flowers and the Flower Shop, "Like a Rolling Stone" -- This is an uptempo soul version of the Dylan classic. Lots of horns, lots of screaming, lots of backup vocals, and somehow it works. 7/10
4. Gang Starr, "Take Two and Pass" -- In the spirit of Chris Tucker's rant from Friday -- "Puff, puff, give! Puff, puff, give! You're fuckin' up the rotation!" -- this is a classic Gang Starr tune dedicated to the fine art of cannabis circulation. Guru's a little subdued on this one, but maybe he was just practicing what he was preaching. 8/10
5. Snoop Doggy Dogg, "St. Ides in the LBC" -- Yet another one of the St. Ides classic ads. Not as great as some of the Ice Cube ones, but still pretty cool for the rarity. If you're the kind of degenerate who likes these sort of things, they're all available at this site. 6/10
6. Danger Doom, "Mince Meat" -- The long-awaited combination of two of hiphop's rising stars, Danger Mouse and MF Doom, this CD was going to have a hard time living up to expectations. And it is, in fact, a bit of a letdown. 6/10
7. The Gories, "There But for the Grace of God Go I" -- The Gories were a short-lived garage-rock trio from the early '90s. This is a great example of their sound -- raw, driving, and surprisingly catchy. Hard to believe that this was originally a soul/disco hit from 1979, since it sounds so perfect in the garage-grunge mold. I guess if you distort the guitars enough, it all sounds garagish. Yes, that's a real word. Look it up. 9/10
8. The Circle Jerks, "When the Shit Hits the Fan" -- A selection from the Repo Man soundtrack. Certainly not the best song on the soundtrack, and certainly not the best Circle Jerks tune. The best part, in fact, is the title. Eh. 5/10
9. Yo La Tengo, "You Can Have It All" -- A great tune from the kings (and queen) of Hoboken's indie rock scene, taken off the excellent CD And Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out. It would be a cop out to simply refer to their music as dreamy, but then again, I'm a lazy, lazy man. 8/10
10. Willie Bobo, "Fried Neck Bones and Some Home Fries (Dan the Automator Remix)" -- A nice selection from one of the excellent Verve Remixed discs. Here, Dan the Automator (the producer best known as half of Handsome Boy Modeling School) puts a very subtle spin on a classic Latin jazz number. Great stuff. 9/10
That gives me a 7.4 average, once again placing me firmly in the C-range of coolness. Which I suppose is where the cool kids would want to be. When they're not smoking Kools beneath the bleachers, of course.
Alright, you know the drill. Drop your own random ten in the comments below, with or without the Coolness Self-Audit.
Bring it on!