I'm not sure where Boned fits in the broad landscape of rock'n'roll.
According to the excellent taxonomy of terrible rock as compiled by Norbizness, Boned seems to fit the definition of "butt rock." And with an album title like Up at the Crack, it seems like they're begging to be included in the annals (or anals) of "butt rock." Sure, some would argue that the band name and the very subtle album art might make a case for thrusting them into the "cock rock" category. But true aficianadoes of the craptacular know where this baby lies.
That said, however, I can appreciate that honest people can disagree. We may have to wait for the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame to clear this one up.
Alright, time for the Friday Random Ten. Grab your iTunes, shake it up like an Etch-a-Sketch (or, if you're an Outkast fan, like a Polaroid picture), and give us the first ten songs that fall out. And if you want to take it to the next level -- and I know that you do -- go ahead and throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well.
1. Sweet, "Fox on the Run" -- Unless you're currently driving a souped-up Camaro, you may not recognize this one. But it's a '70s rock strutter that would make even Boned proud. In fact, this song would've been so perfect for the Dazed and Confused soundtrack that I have to assume Richard Linklater was afraid its awesome rocking power would overshadow his film. Coward. 7/10 [Update: I'm an idiot. See the comments.]
2. Lambchop, "Up with People" -- A lovely song from the excellent Nixon CD. This one starts off slow, but steadily builds -- with hand claps and eventually a chorus -- to become a gorgeous bit of indie pop. Great stuff. 8/10
3. Sly and the Family Stone, "Dance to the Medley" -- You won't find this twelve-minute funk masterpiece on any of their greatest hits albums, and that's just as well. (As Bruce McCullough from "Kids in the Hall" once said, "Greatest Hits albums are for housewives and little girls.") This is a great tune, one where the band members get to stretch their legs and, as legendary jazz flautist Ron Burgundy would say, take that bass line for a little walk. Perfect. 10/10
4. Tom T. Hall, "I Love" -- It's fairly obvious that Tom wrote this one on his way to the recording studio. Some of the lyrics: "I love leaves in the wind, / pictures of my friends, / birds in the world, / and squirrels. // I love coffee in a cup, / little fuzzy pups, / bourbon in a glass, / and grass." Yeah, it's pretty clear you love bourbon and grass, Tom. Pretty clear to us all. 6/10
5. Sufjan Stevens, "Chicago" -- The White Sox not only win the World Series for the first time since the First World War One, but do it in a sweep, and the same week this song pops up on the Friday Random Ten? I smell a conspiracy, and you know the Daley family is involved. Still, for a song this sweet, how can I stay mad? 8/10
6. TV on the Radio, "Dry Drunk Emperor" -- This is a free MP3 that TVOTR put out a month or so ago (available here from Touch and Go) about a certain President of the United States. The lyrics are starting to look a little prophetic these days: "All eyes upon dry drunk emperor / gold cross jock, skull and bones, mocking smile, / he's been standing naked for a while! / get him gone, get him gone, get him gone!! / and bring all the thieves to trial." Anything you say, boys. 9/10
7. The Sugar Hill Gang, "Apache" -- This is one of the original classics of hip hop, and deservedly so. The lyrics may be braindead, but I dare you to listen to the beat and not want to get on your own horse and ride. "Heigh-ho, Silver, is what I'll say!" Amen. 7/10
8. Sun Kil Moon, "Ocean Breathes Salty" -- A slowed-down, acoustic cover of the Modest Mouse song. I don't think I'd ever appreciated the lyrics of the original until I heard this version. It's stripped down and incredibly haunting, sort of like a date with Crispin Glover. Seriously, it's a fantastic tune. 8/10
9. The Beatnuts, "Watch Out Now" -- This amazing hip hop tune features the same flute sample that J. Lo abused in "Jenny from the Block," a sample from Herbie Mann's "High Jack," but the Beatnuts got there first and did it so much better than Gigli ever could. Phenomenal. 9/10
10. Superchunk, "Punch Me Harder" -- A nice tune from the salad days of college. Superchunk always seemed to be just on the verge of breaking into the big time, but never seemed to make it. This is off the excellent No Pocky for Kitty CD, which was arguably the band at its peak. Not my favorite song off the album, but good enough to imagine Mac and Laura doing their pogo dance to it. 6/10
Alright, that gives me a 7.8. I seem to get that rating just about every week, and I'm starting to feel like I'll forever be a C student. To quote the great Homer Simpson: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is -- never try."
That doesn't mean you should abandon all hope. Give us your random ten and, if you think you can handle the pressure, throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well.
If you dare.