Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Player Haters

The right has taken regularly to dismissing our complaints about the Republicans' disastrous foreign policy record, radical economic program, and dismal domestic performance. In spite of all the, oh, facts, figures and statistics that support such a negative view of their policies, Republicans instead claim that we're simply motivated by some irrational hatred of President Bush.

You want irrational hatred? Check out this little chestnut from the National Review. It's a list of their 200 reasons why Bill Clinton had to go.

The list is stunning. Sadly, they don't provide some sort of rank their charges against Clinton, so it's hard to tell what exactly tops the list of his crimes against humanity. In their defense, though, there are just so many felonies and sins out there that they'd be impossible to rank. I mean, you tell me which of these dastardly deeds was worse -- the fact that he was a Rhodes Scholar, or the fact that he named his dog Buddy? It's hard to distinguish between these various shades of evil.

Clearly, conservatives are on the side of angels here. Nothing Bush has done is worthy of similar outrage. Lying the country into a war that costs us $177 million a day, outing a CIA operative, exhibiting corruption beyond Warren Harding's wildest dreams, putting unqualified cronies everywhere from FEMA to the Supreme Court, and proving grossly incompetent at every facet of government are simply accidents of fate.

But vacationing in the Hamptons? Encouraging a revival of Fleetwood Mac, for God's sake? These are crimes worthy of a public execution and sins that will surely damn his soul to the ninth circle of Hell. It's a wonder they only tried to impeach this evil spawn of Satan. With a list of indictments like that, they would've been wholly justified in storming the White House with torches and pitchforks.

And it would be irrational to argue otherwise.

(Thanks to Jesse at Pandagon for finding this nonsense.)


ORF said...

All I'm saying is, let he among us without sin cast the first diamond-encrusted stone...

Seriously, that bit about draft dodging is rich. And the NR is based in DC. What do they care about the Prez screwing traffic in NYC???

Otto Man said...

Someone over at Pandagon provided a list of things on that list that Bush shares with Clinton:

-nuclear blackmail to North Korea
- Jaw-jutting
-Phony privilege claims
-Underhanded privilege claims
-"The most ethical Administration in history" (more like a parallel with Dubya, but close enough)
-Draft-dodging (again, not exactly the same, but close)
-ABM treaty (but for a different reason)
-Making us long for Jimmy Carter
-Making us long for George Bush
-Making us long for Warren Harding
-Joe Conason (yes, we can blame Dubya for Conason's latest success)
-Peanut-free zones on airplanes (applies to Bush as much as to Clinton, i.e. it doesn't)
-A Cabinet that looks like America
-A Cabinet that looks like the bar scene in Star Wars (whatever that means)
-Jogging shorts
-Scorched-earth policy
-Cheating at golf (surely it must've happened sometime)
-Screwing up traffic every time he visits NYC (ditto)
-Kyoto treaty (but for a different reason)
-Sending troops instead (originally in reference to Bosnia)
-Gutting the military (in his own way)
-Town meetings
-24 hours a day of Greta Van Susteren (??)
-Smearing Scott Ritter (not personally, of course)
-Taking credit for economy (when not avoiding blame)
-Wishing he had a challenge like WWII (and, if need be, inventing one)
-Al Gore (but for a different reason)
-Paying people to volunteer
-Not drinking beer
- "Vast right-wing conspiracy" (not for saying it, but for doing it)
-Permanent "interim appointments"

That's some of the worst stuff on the Clinton list, but it might not even make the cut on a top 200 list of reasons why Dubya should go.