So the wife is pregnant with what appears to be my baby (she started kicking moments after my Italian homeboys won the World Cup, so I'm pretty sure she's mine), and we have toyed with the possibility of me, the designated bread winner and sabertooth tiger slayer, doing the stay-at-home fathering thing, at least for awhile (i.e., until my employer discovers that I don't actually have amoria phlebitis). While this would have many benefits, such as watching favorite CHiPs episodes on TBS, wearing PJs all day, and flirting with the mailman, I would still need to mollify my manly drive to earn money and help with the bills.
The perfect gig would allow me to stay at home (in the PJs, of course) with the kid while bringing in the dough. It would allow me to take lots of breaks to hose down the baby and put some food in her bowl, and the pay would be requisite to my high educational and social standing. Only one job description fits: online gambler. I'd probably be more of a card player than a sports better, as all that stuff about overs and unders and parlays sounds, quite frankly, a little homo to me. No, it's got to be black jack or that hold'em thing the kids love so much.
But wait! It seems that some congresspersons don't think I should be able to support my family. They want me to drive to freakin' Atlantic City with my kid strapped to the roofrack. Get this crapfest:
Gamblers who prefer their laptops to blackjack tables won't like what Congress is doing. On Tuesday, the House plans to vote on a bill that would ban credit cards for paying online bets and could padlock gambling Web sites. The legislation would clarify existing law to spell out that it is illegal to gamble online.What the legislation would really spell out is that Congress hates stay-at-home fathers. But you know who really gets hurt? The children. Instead of learning important lessons about the value of education (as I gamble with her college fund) and the importance of getting money for absolutely no work, she'll be watching that damned baby Einstein crap and singing "two plus two is four, two plus two is four" along with Barney.