Friday Random Ten

For those of you who thought that South Park broke new ground in the entertainment industry with its heartbreaking chronicle of gay dog Sparky, and his adventures on Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride, this album is proof that gay dogs have had a presence in the industry for decades. In fact, it's a well-known fact that all the great dog stars of Hollywood were, in fact, homosexuals. Benji? Gay. Rin Tin Tin? Flaaaaaming. Lassie? Canadian. (Sometimes it's hard to tell.)

Anyway, Big Gay Paddy's appearance means that it's time for the Friday Random Ten. Take out your iPod, set it on iRandom, and give us the first ten iTunes that pop out. And if you think you're man enough -- or woman enough, or snowflake baby enough -- to handle the Coolness Self-Audit, go ahead and do that on the standardized zero-to-ten scale. A zero is downright Lawrence Welkian, while a ten should be so cool it frightens small children. (No going to eleven, Nigel Tufnel.)

Alright, let's do this thing.

1. The Reverend Horton Heat, "New York City Girls" -- Not exactly the good reverend's best work, in either the music or the lyrics. Sure, I'd have to agree that NYC girls are both "pretty" and "have a lot of fun." I'd also like to concur that water is wet. 5/10

2. Tegan and Sara, "You Wouldn't Like Me" -- Well, speaking of girls who are pretty and have a lot of fun, Tegan and Sara certainly fit the bill. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that they too only like girls who are pretty and have a lot of fun. Oh well, they still rock quite nicely. 7/10

3. Parliament, "Aqua Boogie (A Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop)" -- By the time I got done typing that subtitle, the song was half over. Leave it to George Clinton to turn the story of Sir Nose's aquaphobia into a seven-minute funk masterpiece. The lyrics may not be compelling, but I do believe that's my ass shaking itself down the street. 9/10

4. Michelle Shocked, "Graffiti Limbo" -- From the excellent Short Sharp Shocked, an almost bluesy tribute to the graffiti artists who were targeted by Ed Koch and an NYPD crackdown in the 1980s, leading to at least one death. The politics get a little heavy-handed, but the song is quite solid. 6/10

5. Sonny Boy Williamson, "Your Funeral and My Trial" -- Damn, if that isn't the perfect blues title, I don't know what is. While I'd love to hear the other side of the story, you can't help but side with Sonny Boy on this one. 7/10

6. Curtis Mayfield, "Back to the World" -- A fantastic, if little-known, Mayfield number about the need to welcome Vietnam veterans back home when their tours of duty were done. While the old myth about antiwar protestors spitting on Vietnam vets has finally started to get debunked, this song is a nice reminder that the hippie commie pinko fags in the music industry weren't hostile to the troops either. 9/10

7. De La Soul, "Bionix" -- Have you embraced De La Soul's mind-blowingly great Bionix album as your musical lord and savior? No? Then you're dead to me. Dead, I say. 10/10

8. The Flaming Lips, "Pilot Can at the Queer of God" -- I can't put my finger on it, but this has consistently been one of my favorite Lips tunes. Maybe it's the chunky guitars, the soaring chorus, or the Dadaesque title. Whatever. It works. 9/10

9. Carly Simon, "Why?" -- In my defense, this comes from a CD of music sampled for hiphop tunes. And yet, even I still think I deserve your scorn. 1/10

10. Django Reinhardt, "Blues Clair" -- Good Lord, could that Belgian gypsy play. Reinhardt's skills let him do a wide variety of things with a guitar -- from blistering fretwork to plunking rarely-heard chords, to even making and deep-frying fresh julianned potatoes! Amazing. 10/10