Wednesday, May 17, 2006

"From My Cold, Dead Hands!"

I know a lot of you have been wondering just what the Republican Congress would have to do to drive their piss-poor approval ratings even lower. (How do I know this? Friends at the NSA.)

Well, it looks like another round of that famous small-government conservatism might just be the trick!
A prominent Republican on Capitol Hill has prepared legislation that would rewrite Internet privacy rules by requiring that logs of Americans' online activities be stored....

The proposal comes just weeks after Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said Internet service providers should retain records of user activities for a "reasonable amount of time," a move that represented a dramatic shift in the Bush administration's views on privacy. The legislation would create a federal felony targeted at bloggers, search engines, e-mail service providers and many other Web sites that might "facilitate" access to unlawful pornography.

Wisconsin Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner, the chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, is proposing that ISPs be required to record information about Americans' online activities so that police can more easily "conduct criminal investigations."
Clearly, this is a desperate Republican effort to drive away its core supporters -- the last remaining members of the 82nd Chairborne Division, the brave man-children who fight the war on Islamocooties armed with nothing more than their laptop computers, a party-sized bag of Cheetos, and the warm sense of smug self-satisfaction.

As the GOP knows, these fearless warriors are on the internets 24/7, but it's not all wargasms. I think they're going to get a little skittish about the gubmint searching through their internet records.

On the bright side, I think this may mean the end of the "If you have nothing to hide, what are you afraid of?" talking point.


Mr Furious said...

82nd Chairborne... excellent. I love it when a plan comes together.

Oh, and the topic at hand? They are fucking crazy out of control.

Otto Man said...

I can't claim credit for the Chairborne. Saw that somewhere else -- Balloon Juice? Firedoglake? But yes, brilliant.

I'm stunned Nonsensenbrenner would propose something like this right in the middle of all the hub-bub over the NSA eavesdropping and the new phone records thing. It's like a drunk got pulled over for a DUI, and decided it would improve his chances if he punched the cop.

Thrillhous said...

Ditto Mr. F. That was some good wording. I'm partial to "war on Islamocooties" myself.

I will say this about the man who loves to hate: at least he's proposing it publicly, with the putative intent of pursuing it by the old-fashioned, "constitutional" method of how a bill becomes a law. I figure this is the kind of thing they usually write on the back of a toilet paper square and pass to Gonzalez in the WH bathroom.

Of course, maybe he tried that. Used TP and Sensenbrenner seem like such a natural pair, don't they?

Otto Man said...

Good point. Following the Constitution seems so ... quaint.

Thrillhous said...

You're so right, though, about this being the kind of thing that the good guys can bonk over the heads of the republicans. I can see the commercial now, some fat guy in his underwear, surfing gigantic-asses dot com, when all of a sudden the phrase "Hillary Is Watching You" splashes across the screen.

S.W. Anderson said...

The sultan of squat might want to set his legislation aside for some rethinking.

Danger lies not in who might slip through his dragnet, but who might get caught.