Schadenfreude

Watching the election returns, I decided to flip over to Fox News.

"Suicidal" is too happy a word to describe their coverage. Brit Hume and Karl Rove are just now discussing Ohio going for Obama with all the excitement of the Brezhnev funeral.

Where's Your Messiah Now?

MSNBC just called the North Carolina Senate race for Kay Hagan.

Liddy Dole can take her fucking "godless" attack ads and shove them where the sun don't shine.

Quick, before it's not funny anymore

McCain tongue photoshop contest

I Like Jokes

Yesterday a neighbor called my wife to inform her that someone was playing "a horrible joke on your husband."

"What is it?" said my wife.

"Someone put an Obama sticker on his car," the neighbor responded with concern.

"Yes, we're democrats."

"Oh..."

UPDATE - I just voted and it was actually emotional. I kept thinking about how far this campaign has come. What it means about America. And fuck Bush.

This Fucking Election

On the day before the inevitable clusterfuck at the polls, let's take a moment to review the wonder of this fucking election.

Apropos of nothing

Bearing False Witness

Kay Hagan, the Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate from North Carolina, has recently pulled ahead of Senator Liddy Dole in the polls. Liddy, class act that she is, put up an ad accusing Hagan of being a godless heathen. No, seriously.

Well, Hagan's come back with an ad of her own and it's biblical in its wrath. Enjoy.

A Nod is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Man

The McCain campaign must be running out of people willing to be its spokesmen on the cable shows if this moron is making the rounds.

There's a moment there where I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Once Smitten

The New Yorker has an amazing piece up on the story of how the Weekly Standard and National Review geniuses fell in love with Sarah Palin.

The whole thing is worth a read, even if it essentially boils down to "Hey, I think this stripper really likes me!"

Down to the Wire

Stars from the Greatest Television Show of All Time have been stumping for Obama in North Carolina, which has surprisingly turned into an important swing state. Sean Quinn of the excellent FiveThirtyEight.com has a nice rundown of the rally.

The Real Cindy

Cindy McCain Claims Sheâ??s â??Just Like Any Other Female Humanâ??

Fairly Imbalanced

In reaction to news that white supremacists in Tennessee were seeking to assassinate Barack Obama and a hundred African American children as well, the Tennessee Republican Party rushed out a statement in which they boldly announced their opposition to such activities. Good to know they have limits.

As Ben Smith at Politico noted, the statement contained a pretty bizarre bit of false equivalency:

"Hate is not a political party, policy statement, agenda or ideology - it is a pure evil that no place in civil society," said Robin Smith, Chairman of the Tennessee Republican Party. "Whether it is neo-Nazi skinheads plotting a racist shooting spree targeting Sen. Obama, or West Hollywood liberals hanging Gov. Sarah Palin in effigy and calling it 'art,' or unknown anarchists tossing bricks through the windows of a county Republican headquarters in Murfreesboro, Americans of all political views should be outraged."

So Hollywood liberals with some bitchy art are the same thing as heavily-armed, bloodthirsty skinheads. OK, then.

You might remember the Tennessee Republican Party from some of their past work, such as attacking "Barack Hussein Obama" in a press release titled "Anti-Semites for Obama," which included a photo of him in Somali tribal garb; badly distorting his "bitter quote" in a mongoloid press release whose insanity simply cannot be summed up; and clumsily questioning Michelle Obama's patriotism in a low-budget video release on the intertubes.

Given how much vile hatred they've been dumping on Obama, perhaps they've realized that they've contributed to an atmosphere that would encourage white supremacists to resort to violence, and now felt a pang of remorse.

Or perhaps they're just a bunch of mildly retarded manchildren who really do think that mean puppets are the same thing as mass murder.

Ground Game

A nice look at the McCain campaign on the ground in Florida. Yeah, there's no way the election there is going to turn ugly.

We'll try to try

If there was any doubt that this blog is run by slackers, we somehow missed the most important day of the year go by uncelebrated. October 21 is the International Day of the Nacho.

Old Man Yells At Cloud

Bundy for Obama

Tough Day For Monty Python's Palin

Stay Classy, McCain

Here's a taste of how nasty the ground game is getting -- a Republican flyer being sent out in Nevada, forwarded from a friend there.

The Stock Market Hates Republicans

Whenever I mention to my conservative friends that Clinton did great with the economy, they tell me that the president has almost no influence on the economy. Except for Reagan, that is.

Maybe this graphic will be more persuasive.

Caption Contest

This photo from last night's debate is begging for a caption contest.

And please, people -- don't go for the obvious "I've fallen and I can't get up" joke. You're better than that.

Except for I-Rod. He's not better than that.

Update: I didn't think it was possible, but McCain looks even creepier from a different angle.

Bring Ohio Back

These may be the funniest, most effective political ads I've seen in a long time.

Class From The GOP Leadership - Not So Much From The Masses

(CNN) One man at the rally said he was "scared of an Obama presidency." McCain later told the man he should not fear Obama.

"I want to be president of the United States, and I don't want Obama to be," he said. "But I have to tell you, I have to tell you, he is a decent person, and a person that you do not have to be scared [of] as president of the United States."

McCain's response was met with boos from the crowd.

Caption Contest

A picture is worth a thousand words. Let's hear 'em...

Keating Five for Fighting

The Obama campaign has been reluctant to bring up McCain's role in the Keating Five scandal -- until now. They have a terrific short film up at this site which explains the complex scandal in simple terms that the media might even be able to understand.

O Bama

In what may be the best ad of the entire campaign, legendary bluegrass musician Ralph Stanley has a radio ad on the air in southwestern Virginia endorsing Barack Obama. It's a terrific ad, and smartly targeted to Obama's weakest spot in a crucial swing state.

TPM has the audio. Give it a listen.

How'd He Do?

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

While Joe Biden was making the rounds on the cable news networks last night -- you know, like you'd expect a top campaign surrogate would -- Sarah Palin was on a bar crawl in Philadelphia. No, seriously.

Palin entered the bar after the press pool was pre-positioned in the rear of the venue. Donning a red Phillies jacket that was purchased for her earlier in the day, Palin came in to a loud roar, and the bar quickly descended into a mob scene. She was dressed casually, wearing jeans, a brown leather belt with a leopard-print buckle, and a white t-shirt underneath the Phillies jacket that read "Sarahcuda."

What is it with Republicans and the need to constantly promote their own nicknames?

McCain couldn't stop referring to his own nicknames last night -- Maverick, Sheriff, Ol' Crotchety Pants -- but Palin went one better, and was actually wearing a goddamned t-shirt with her little nickname on it like she was Laverne Fucking DeFozio.

It's like the Seinfeld episode where George tries to get people to call him T-Bone and fails. Only this is so, so much funnier.

Also funny? When Miss Teen South Carolina made some impromptu remarks to the crowd:

She made her way through the crowd, all smiles, and stepped up on a dais in the corner to make some brief remarks:

"Thank you. Thanks for inviting us into The Irish Pub and we know this is going to be a great night for our ticket. Thank you for being here for rooting on John McCain tonight in the debate even, you guys, thank you. Yeah.

"Great to be here in the city of brotherly and sisterly love. Thank you and we feel that. And truly all the support that you're providing us in this area that is so paramount to victory on November 4th. We thank you so much for all your support. Hope we all get around to meet each and every one of you so I can personally thank you guys for the support that you're showing and for being so reform-minded and knowing that we have opportunity to put government back on the side of the people and shake things up in DC.

"And for that I thank you for being on the team, and hopefully we can bring more people from this area on that team, you guys, truly. As our mission, getting to D.C. shaking things up, working for you. John McCain and I will never forget whom we are working for is for you. So we love you guys, city of brotherly love. Thank you."

Yeah, it's hard to understand why they're keeping her away from the press.

Kimbo Biden

I can't wait for next Thursday.

Existential Threat

I've been out of the loop for a while, but watching John McCain talk is like a second Holocaust in my head.

I'm turning this stuff off. First person in the debate to use the word "orgy" has my vote.

Compare and Contrast

Time Out!

John McCain's decision to demand a "time out" in the presidential campaign has led to some predictable and well-deserved blowback. If you missed Letterman last night, he delivered a beatdown worth watching.

George Brett, Hall of Fame Storyteller

My Gal

It's not often I say this -- but there's a hilarious piece in the New Yorker about Palin that you all should read.

It's Go Time

The new Obama ad, set to air in battleground states and on the cable news networks.

Like what you see? Want to get it out there? Then drop the campaign some cash. This is when it counts most, folks.

John McCain Approved This Message

Get This Man an Oscar

A Little Perspective

Conventional Wisdom IV: The Day After

Any thoughts? Was McCain as anticlimactic as it seemed? How much fun will Colbert have with the green screen?

McCain and Palin are at a rally right now, and I can't believe it, but Palin just repeated the snide comment about community organizers. What a clown.

GOP to Thousand Points of Light: Drop Dead

Republicans then:

I've spoken of a thousand points of light -of all the community organizations that are spread like stars throughout the nation doing good. We will work hand in hand, encouraging, sometimes leading, sometimes being led, rewarding. We will work on this in the White House, in the Cabinet agencies. I will go to the people and the programs that are the brighter points of light, and I'll ask every member of my Government to become involved. The old ideas are new again because they're not old, they are timeless: duty, sacrifice, commitment, and a patriotism that finds its expression in taking part and pitching in.

Republicans now:

Giuliani: "On the other hand, you have a resume from a gifted man with an Ivy League education. He worked as a community organizer. What? He worked -- I said -- I said, OK, OK, maybe this is the first problem on the resume."

Palin: "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities."

That's an ... interesting take. And I'm not so sure it's going to play well.

Conventional Wisdom III: The Preciousssss

Going into last night of the Republican National Convention, I was worried they might try to make an effective case to independent and moderate swing-state voters. Thankfully, they decided to replay the party's greatest hits of Republican hatchet attacks instead.

Mitt Romney, whose brain and hair apparently just jumped through time from 1968 to the present day, went on the attack against the elitist East Coast elite liberal media elites, the liberal Supreme Court (?!), and all the liberals who run Washington today (?!?!).

When Romney was done reviving the Spiro Agnew schtick, Rudy Guiliani decided to reach back even further for a vintage 1950 Joe McCarthy, sinisterly talking about how Obama went over to Europe -- gasp! -- and brought back some suspicious European ideas with him!

While I would've expected Romney to ooze insincerity (and secrete his own hair gel) and I would've expected Guiliani to bare his fangs like a C-list Bela Lugosi, I was a little surprised to see Vice Presidential Lottery Winner Sarah Palin continue to ramp up the attacks. If she'd played up the "hockey mom" act a little more, she might have appealed to suburban mothers across the country; instead, she decided to devote her time to shrill attacks and a long, long list of easily refuted lies about her Democratic opponents. Also, is it smart to keep mocking "community organizers" when they're the people who basically run the ground game in the Democratic get-out-the-vote effort? Way to make them kick it into high gear.

The media pundits are all swept up in the mood of the arena -- even nominally liberal Mika Brzyznski on MSNBC looks like she's going to stroke out from excitement this morning -- but I think they're misreading this. These speeches will doubtlessly fire up the Republican base, but I have to think they're going to alienate the hell out of independents and moderates. (And looking at the early focus group reports, that seems to be the case.)

It'll be interesting to see what Grandpa Simpson does tonight. I'm sure his speechwriters are seriously concerned about this issue, but there's also the matter of whether or not he can live up to the base's excitement after last night. My friends, I doubt it.

Peggy Noonan: "It's Over"

Caught in a live mic on MSNBC, Peggy Noonan, Mike Murphy and Chuck Todd are ready to call the election.

Earmarked

I was trying to find a part to highlight, but the whole story is ludicrously tragic. Just read the whole thing.

"Jews for Jesus?"

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, the Palin pick just gets better and better.

[J]ust two weeks ago, ... Palin’s church, the Wasilla Bible Church, gave its pulpit over to a figure viewed with deep hostility by many Jewish organizations: David Brickner, the founder of Jews for Jesus.

Palin’s pastor, Larry Kroon, introduced Brickner on Aug. 17, according to a transcript of the sermon on the church’s website. “He’s a leader of Jews for Jesus, a ministry that is out on the leading edge in a pressing, demanding area of witnessing and evangelism,” Kroon said. ....

Brickner also described terrorist attacks on Israelis as God's "judgment of unbelief" of Jews who haven't embraced Christianity.

"Judgment is very real and we see it played out on the pages of the newspapers and on the television. It's very real. When [Brickner's son] was in Jerusalem he was there to witness some of that judgment, some of that conflict, when a Palestinian from East Jerusalem took a bulldozer and went plowing through a score of cars, killing numbers of people. Judgment — you can't miss it."

Palin was in church that day, Kroon said, though he cautioned against attributing Brickner’s views to her.

This was two weeks ago and Palin was there. And we thought Jewish voters were feeling queasy about the Republican ticket before.

I'd like to yield the remainder of my time to Captain Rex Kramer.

Conventional Wisdom II: The Whitening

Consider this an open thread for all things related to the Republican National funeral Convention.

The Pill-Popper Twins made an appearance last night, and this evening features speeches from Still-President George W. Bush, Pretend-President Fred Thompson (who is not at all a celebrity, thank you very much), and Droopy Dog stunt double Joe Lieberman. Should be an exciting niiiiiiiiighfdjskmzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Hurricane Sarah

Hurricane Sarah has finally struck the city of St. Paul, and the one-day devastation was phenomenal.

Greg Sargent at TPM has a convenient rundown of today's aftermath, so I'll just shamelessly repost the entire damn thing:

On the same day that the Republicans were forced to dramatically cut back their convention activities, the Palin Meltdown unfolded with extraordinary speed. It's worth pondering the totality of what happened today, in a mere half day...

* The news that Palin once backed the Bridge to Nowhere went national.

* It emerged that Palin has links to the bizarro Alaska Independence Party, which harbors the goal of seceding from the union that McCain and Palin seek to lead.

* The news broke that as governor, Palin relied on an earmark system she now opposes. Taken along with the Bridge to Nowhere stuff, this threatens to undercut her reformist image, something that was key to her selection as McCain's Veep candidate.

* The news broke that Palin's 17-year-old daughter became pregnant out of wedlock at a time when the conservative base had finally started rallying behind McCain's candidacy.

* Barely moments after McCain advisers put out word that McCain had known of Bristol Palin's pregnancy, the Anchorage Daily News revealed that Palin's own spokesperson hadn't known about it only two days ago.

* A senior McCain adviser at the Republican convention was forced into the rather embarrassing position of arguing that McCain had known about the pregnancy "last week" -- without saying what day last week he knew about it.

* It came out that Republican lawyers are up in Alaska vetting Palin -- now, more than 72 hours after it was announced that she'd been picked.

* Palin lawyered up in relation to the trooper-gate probe in Alaska -- a move that ensures far more serious attention to the story from the major news orgs.

Wow. Quite a day. (Click through to the original article for the links to full stories on each.)

As brutal as this list is, it still doesn't everything tragically ludicrous that went down with Palin today. For instance, her complete, nearly comical ignorance on the Pledge of Allegiance also came out in the media today. And just now on CNN, Campbell Brown ripped McCain functionary and apparent assclown Tucker Bounds a new asshole over the tired argument that Palin has national security experience because she's the head of the Alaska National Guard. (Seriously, watch that if you haven't. Brutal.)

I've never really professed to understand the deep inner workings of the Republican mind, but I have to think that not even an acclaimed genius like Turdblossom would have wanted the dead pool on the career of the newly minted Vice Presidential candidate to begin less than 72 hours after the announcement and on the very first day of the Republican National Convention.

Yeah, it's really hard to believe she's not polling well in focus groups.

(I can't remember where I saw the "Sheagleton" reference first, but it's brilliant. If you're not a complete politics nerd and don't get the somewhat obscure reference, read up on this historic moment that's apparently coming back for seconds.)

Getting to Know You

That Word Has Another Meaning, You Know

Given McBush's history with former beauty queens, do they really want to see headlines about McBush "tapping" Sarah Palin?

CNN Smackdown

Sweet Zombie Jesus, I wish I'd seen this smackdown of CNN's resident halfwit Soledad O'Brien.

From Media Matters:

During Wednesday's convention coverage, CNN's Jeffrey Toobin and Carl Bernstein seemed fed up with their own profession:

SOLEDAD O'BRIEN (CNN host): Do you think it matters at all -- anyone can jump in on this -- that President [Bill] Clinton will not stay for Barack Obama's speech on Thursday?

TOOBIN: Zero.

O'BRIEN: Really?

TOOBIN: Nothing. Who cares? My God, we fixate on these ridiculous little things.

O'BRIEN: Well, I'm not -- I didn't --

TOOBIN: I mean, I just think it's ridiculous. Who cares whether he's there or not?

O'BRIEN: OK, I asked that tone -- that question in a nice tone, and you're jumping on me.

BERNSTEIN: No, I think -- I think it's part of a larger question, and that is: What is the role of the press, particularly cable news, in this election? And at what point do we tip to a kind of minute picking apart and tea-leaf reading? I'm not even saying your question is --

O'BRIEN: I don't take it personally, don't worry.

BERNSTEIN: -- is -- but I think -- and it's the evening news shows, as well, but I -- and on the Web -- but I think that we need more perspective. We need to step back.

[...]

BERNSTEIN: I think we ought to stop telling people what they need to do.

Sadly, they don't have the video clip there. If anyone knows where to find it, please post it in the comments.

Sarah, Palin and Tall

John McCain has announced his VP pick and it's ... Sarah Palin? Seriously?

For those of you who follow American politics diligently, you probably still have no clue who she is. She's been the governor of Alaska for a whole eighteen months, and before that she was the mayor of a town of nearly eight thousand people! Wow. That certainly pounds home the "experience" argument that the McCain camp has been pushing.

And remember how the McCain campaign has been trying to portray Obama as an empty-headed celebrity? Guess who was Miss Runner Up in the race for Miss Alaska? (Hint: It was not Ted Stevens.) And yet, at the same time, she's somehow unknown. I saw the MSNBC crew and Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson both clueless about how to even pronounce her last name.

Strategically, this makes just a whole lot of sense. Alaska is a swing state with a whopping three electoral votes, and Palin is a die-hard social and economic conservative who will certainly solidify a conservative base that's shrunk by ten points since the last election and will doubtlessly help McCain reach out to independents who will love, love, love her cred as a right-wing ideologue.

Oh, and did I mention that she comes from a state where he party is awash in corruption scandals from head to toe, and she herself is currently under investigation for firing the state's Public Safety Commissioner when he wouldn't follow her pressure and fire her ex-brother-in-law after a messy divorce? Awesome.

Update: Alright, I yield to the folks at Sadly No in the search for proper imagery.

And, while we're at it, the Poor Man has a video clip that shows just how awesome a pick this is. Clueless and corrupt? Holy shit, that's a change from the current crop of Republicans.

Sooo Sensitive

So the GOP convention schedule may be altered because of a hurricane hitting LA. Says a McBush advisor:

Senior Republicans said the images of political celebration in Minneapolis while thousands of Americans flee a hurricane could be disastrous. "Senator McCain has always been sensitive to national crisis," said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds. . . .

Yeah, look how sensitive he was the last time New Orleans was drowning.

Millionaire-Gazillionaire 2008

Oh please please please please please.

Update: Now the talking heads are saying it's not Mittens. Damn. Is it too much to ask for Lieberman at least?

Wordle

Very cool.

Conventional Wisdom

I'm obviously a little biased in this, but I have to say the Democratic convention is going pretty damn well so far.

The first night started out a bit thin, featuring the Nancy Pelosi animatronic robot from the Disneyland Hall of Presidents. But then Ted Kennedy made a terrific stump speech, and then Michelle Obama absolutely knocked it out of the park. (Seriously, if you missed the speech, be sure to watch it.)

I know Mark Warner was technically the keynote speaker, but Tuesday night was all about Hillary Clinton's address. Not just because of the media narrative, but because Warner decided to cell-phone it in with a shitty, shitty talk. Anyway, Clinton nailed it. Say what you will about some of the divisiveness of the primary season, but she couldn't have done a better job. (I know, the media thinks she could have done better. The media, of course, are idiots.)

Last night was the most raucous yet. Bill Clinton dropped the hammer and, judging by the three-hour standing ovation from the crowd, all has been forgiven. And Joe Biden closed things down with a solid turn in the VP spot.

The best speech of the night, though, came from an unlikely source -- John Kerry. You likely missed it, since the cable networks were too busy interviewing random people on the floor (CNN) and having Tom Brokaw lecture us on how no one can criticize John McCain Because He Was Once a POW™ (MSNBC). I guess they assumed that no one interested in the presidential election convention of Democratic Party would ever want to hear from the last presidential nominee of the Democratic Party. But, damn, Kerry was on fire. Wooden delivery, but terrific zingers. Take a look if you missed it.

What'd you think? High points? Low points? Should that godawful band be shot, or simply beaten?

"Everybody's Hugging!"

The Obama campaign has just unveiled a nice set of ads, and they amount to a swift kick to the groin for John McCain. This is the nicest one, and it's still devastating. Suck it, Mr. Burns!

*fart*

I wasn't exactly doing cartwheels when my email alert went off at 3 AM EST that Biden is the answer. Anyone else underwhelmed?

More Please

"I Read It in the Post and the Daily News..."

With all the speculation over Obama's VP pick these days, I thought we might want to revisit the accuracy of these predictions from the last go-around.

A Goldfish with a Lincoln Log

According to news reports, Russell Crowe's next film project is going to be a biography of comedian Bill Hicks.

"I have another project based on the life of comedian Bill Hicks, which is going from treatment to draft stage with Kiwi writer Mark Staufer."

It is understood he is considering playing the main role of Hicks — a controversial and brilliant American comedian who battled drug and alcohol abuse before dying from cancer at 32.

No, no. You read that right. They're making a movie about cult icon and beloved bastard Bill Hicks, and the Gladiator wants to play him.

I'm having a hard time getting a read on my emotions here. I think I'm ... happy?

Hard to say. I think I need to lie down.

This ain't Heaven. This sucks!

So Team Canada isn't exactly tearing it up in Beijing.

The good news is that at last people in the Great White North will soon be able to watch some hot Canadian sex.

Federal regulators have granted Alberta-based Real Productions approval to launch a new digital pornography channel, which promises to serve up at least 50 percent domestic content.

The article doesn't mention which half is Canadian.

The Old College Try

If you're not reading Drew Magary's Balls Deep column over at Deadspin on a regular basis, you should be. This week he pulls his gaze off the NFL, just for a second, so he can dump some haterade all over the top 25 college football teams.

Here's a taste:

11. Auburn

Fun fact: In the entire history of the school, no Auburn student has ever graduated. In fact, they don’t even plan a commencement. Everyone just kind of wanders off campus around March or so.

You know you’re a school that has low expectations when your main source of pride is whether or not you beat Alabama at something. Oh, look Auburn! You won the Iron Bowl! You’re the best school in all of Alabama! Which is exactly the same level of honor as being the lady with the nicest set of tits in a nursing home. Way to go.

The rest is just as good. Enjoy.

Vice Squad

Some very interesting speculation about Obama's possible vice-presidential pick. God, I hope this is true.

Update: Some more reading of the tea leaves, pointing in another, almost-as-interesting direction.

Olympic Fever

In case you've spent the past weekend in a coma or a Tibetan re-education camp, it's my duty to inform you that the Olympics are underway.

I've only managed to catch a few events so far, largely because the thought of sitting through a Bizarro World sport like team handball or the quarterfinals for women's water polo bores me to tears. That said, I did manage to catch some of the swimming finals last night and saw the conclusion of the China-Spain basketball game this morning. Hell, I even got into an archery match. (The remote was too far away.)

Anyway, it seems there's been some genuine athletic excitement. What have I missed? What are people looking forward to? Is it true the Chinese government built the athlete's dorms out of dissidents?

Isaac Hayes, 1942-2008

It's my sad duty to report that Isaac Hayes has just passed away at the age of 65.

Often underappreciated, Hayes had tremendous range and a good sense of himself. As a singer, he gave us songs as varied as the driving funk of "Hyperbolicsyllablecsesquedalymistic" and the South Park ditty "Salty Chocolate Balls." As an actor of somewhat limited talents, he still rocked it in everything from actual blaxploitation flicks like Truck Turner to mock blaxploitation flicks like I'm Gonna Git You Sucka to self mockeries like Chef from South Park.

Speaking of his acting career, I noticed this line from his obituary:

He had recently finished work on a movie called "Soul Men" in which he played himself, starring Samuel Jackson and Bernie Mac, who died on Saturday.

Watch your back, Sam.

Sports Notes

Never been a big Favre fan, and I was happy to see him retire. The TV bloviating over the end of an era was nauseating, but at least it was the end. And now a perfectly good summer of Orioles baseball thinking about football has been ruined by nonstop Favre. And now he's playing again? Save me, Jeebus.

I love Michael Wilbon on PTI, but I'm very happy not to have Kornheiser on with him. Gets old after awhile, and it's not just the Favre love.

Are the DC Nationals the baseball equivalent of the Atlanta Hawks?

I'm pretty hepped up about USA basketball. I know some people (ahem Otto ahem) are anti-Coach K, but it looks like he's getting his stars to play together and not all try to dunk at once. The big thing to watch for is defense, which they actually play in Europe.

Have any of you ever heard of Colin Cowherd and/or his radio show on ESPN radio? The dude sucks, and my station just picked him up. Who's on the other sports radio station at that time? Tony Kornheiser.

Does anyone know or care who just won the Tour de France?

Pwned

It just gets worse and worse for McMaverick™ these days.

Update: And worse. I had no idea the DNC had a functioning sense of humor, but this one's good.

Pardon My Zinger

How bad are things going for the McCain campaign? Bad enough that John Kerry is mocking them:

“I don’t know if you know this,” joked Kerry, “John McCain is looking for someone for vice president who has more economic expertise than he does. So congratulations to all of you, you’re on the short list.”

As we all know, John Kerry couldn't land a joke if his life depended on it. This is the political equivalent of getting a wedgie from Martin Prince.

McCain 2008: If You Can Read This Slogan, The Bitch Fell Off

For some reason, John McCain visited a biker rally in Sturgis, South Dakota.

I'm not sure why. Maybe his campaign is flailing so badly they felt the need to shore up their support in the Stone Cold demographic. Maybe getting fifty thousand Harleys to rev their engines is part of his new "Fuck It, Let's Tap This Bitch Dry" energy plan.

Or maybe, just maybe, this is part of his effort to win over all those women who supported Hillary Clinton in the Democratic Primary:

McCain felt so comfortable at the event that he even volunteered his wife for the rally’s traditional beauty pageant, an infamously debauched event that’s been known to feature topless women.

“I encouraged Cindy to compete,” McCain said to cheers. “I told her with a little luck she could be the only woman ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip.”

I guess once you've called your (second) wife a "cunt" and a "trollop," it's not that far a step to ask her to slut it up in hopes of getting some votes.

Personally, I think McCain's so steeped in shoveling bullshit this season that getting his wife to win the "Miss Buffalo Chip" title just seemed like a natural extension.

Update: It's actually worse than I thought. Here's a clip of last year's Miss Buffalo Chip contest. Call me an elitist, but holy fucking Christ is it inappropriate for a presidential candidate to say his wife should be in this thing.

The Onion

Damn funny. And late-career Marlon Brando is about the right weight to play him in the film version!

Daily Show: Dick Move of the Week

Caption Contest

We've received an urgent request to add something to the site and move -- and I quote -- "Stevens' porn star vag lips" down the page.

Accordingly, it's time for another caption contest. As much as I'm enjoying the new ROFLBot application, sometimes you just have to let democracy run wild.

So have at them.

This is Mr. Belding

No, seriously. This is Mr. Belding.

Hot Off The Intertubes

Senator Ted Stevens, a notorious asshole and chronic crybaby -- whom my colleague Thrillhous once dubbed "Senator Baby Made a Boom Boom" -- has at long last been indicted.

Alaska Republican Sen. Ted Stevens was charged Tuesday with making false statements after a wide-ranging probe into ties between an energy company and lawmakers in his home state, according to a federal indictment.

In a 28-page indictment from a federal grand jury, Stevens was charged with seven counts of making false statements on his Senate financial forms.

FBI and Internal Revenue Service agents searched Stevens' Alaska home in July 2007 in connection with the probe, which has already snared two oil-company executives and a state lobbyist.

Given that the Republican governor and sole Republican member of the House are both coming under investigation as well, we might just be seeing a clean sweep in Alaska. Bring it.

Corvette Summer

By now you've heard that Bob Novak, the spy-outingest pundit in DC, hit a man with his Corvette a few days ago. The original story was that the man was 66 and had very minor injuries. Turns out the injuries were a bit more significant, and the man is 86.

No word on whether two puncture wounds were found on the man's neck.

Yearly Music Audit

Courtesy of Mr. Furious, I've been tagged with one of the latest blog memes to circle these here intertubes.

You're supposed to use the album lists on Wikipedia to come up with a year-by-year breakdown of your favorites, from the year of your birth until now. The rules are pretty loose. I'm selecting in terms of what I like now, as opposed to what I actually listened to then. (Apologies to the outstanding cast of Free to Be You and Me! for the snub.)

Some years were brutal because there was nothing good -- apparently the election of Ronald Reagan depressed the hell out of the music world, because 1981 was a fucking desert -- and others were brutal because there were tons of terrific albums released. But here's what I settled on, in a wholly arbitrary fashion.

1972: Curtis Mayfield, Superfly
1973: Sly and the Family Stone, Fresh
1974: Velvet Underground, 1969: The Velvet Underground Live
1975: Led Zeppelin, Physical Graffiti
1976: Stevie Wonder, Songs in the Key of Life
1977: Iggy Pop, Lust for Life
1978: Police, Outlandos d'Amour
1979: Funkadelic, Uncle Jam Wants You!
1980: AC/DC, Back in Black
1981: Rolling Stones, Tattoo You (wow, what a shit year for music)
1982: The Clash, Combat Rock

Violent Femmes, Violent Femmes: 1983
R.E.M., Reckoning: 1984
The Cure, The Head on the Door: 1985
The Smiths, The Queen is Dead: 1986
The Replacements, Pleased to Meet Me: 1987
The Pixies, Surfer Rosa: 1988
De La Soul, 3 Feet High and Rising: 1989
Public Enemy, Fear of a Black Planet: 1990
My Bloody Valentine, Loveless: 1991
Pavement, Slanted and Enchanted: 1992
Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville: 1993

1994: Weezer, Weezer (Blue Album)
1995: Björk, Post
1996: R.E.M., New Adventures in Hi-Fi
1997: Radiohead, OK Computer
1998: Lauryn Hill, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
1999: The Roots, Things Fall Apart
2000: Outkast, Stankonia
2001: Gorillaz, Gorillaz
2002: Blackalicious, Blazing Arrow
2003: Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism
2004: Arcade Fire, Funeral

Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary: 2005
Gnarls Barkley, St. Elsewhere: 2006
Radiohead, In Rainbows: 2007
Flight of the Conchords, Flight of the Conchords: 2008

Again, some of these were easy decisions, but for most years -- either because of bumper crops or deadly dry spells -- there were probably a half dozen ones that would have been tied.

Feel free to add your objections, substitutions, and full-blown lists of your own in the comments. And I'd really love to hear your answers for 1981: The Year The Music Died.

Meanwhile, at the Stately Crawford Ranch...

In keeping with the current Dark Knight excitement that's sweeping the nation, the Wall Street Journal has published a Batman-themed op-ed which appropriately begins with the words "a cry for help."

It's pathetic, even by WSJ standards:

A cry for help goes out from a city beleaguered by violence and fear: A beam of light flashed into the night sky, the dark symbol of a bat projected onto the surface of the racing clouds . . .

Oh, wait a minute. That's not a bat, actually. In fact, when you trace the outline with your finger, it looks kind of like . . . a "W."

There seems to me no question that the Batman film "The Dark Knight," currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war. Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.

It gets worse from there.

Film Forum

I haven't managed to get tickets to see Dark Knight yet -- stupid soldout IMAX theaters -- but the word on the street is that this thing is going to be big. Gabby Hayes big.

The film is packed with terrific performances, but keep your eyes peeled for a cameo by none other than Senator Pat Leahy. He makes an appearance in a ballroom scene where Heath Ledger's Joker puts a knife to his throat. Apparently, Leahy's a big Batman fan and the director was impressed by how he had handled himself when Leahy had a similar run-in with the Penguin.

Consider this an open thread for a discussion of all things movies. For starters, the new trailer for the Watchmen movie has me all tingly, but talk about what you'd like. But please don't put in any spoilers for Mamma Mia! because I haven't seen it yet.

Another Dick Vitale Achievement

Today my toddler decided 4am was a great wakeup time, despite my many logical arguments to the contrary. None of the usual stuff was working (rocking, singing, absinthe, etc.), so I figured she was up for good.

Around 7:30 we were flopped on the couch with a book, ESPN on in the background, and the kid lost interest in the book. She sat up and watched the TV, on which Mike and Mike were interviewing Dick Vitale by phone.

A couple minutes of "yeah baby!" and "he's a great family man," and she was out like a light.

Fiscal Flatulence

If you haven't read the latest op-ed piece from Frank Rich, go read it now.

Weathervane McCain

If you haven't seen the ever-expanding list of John McCain's flip-flops over at the Carpetbagger Report, it's worth taking a look.

As you can see, John McCain is such a mavericky straight-talkin' maverick that he's able to defy logic itself and take all sides of virtually every issue there is. It's impressive.

Be sure to check it out. Better yet, be sure to pass the link along to the independents and conservatives in your life. The lapdogs in the media sure won't.

Larry Craig Begs You Not to Jerk Him Around

Meet the Press

Looks like there are actually some reporters out there who aren't completely smitten with the McCain campaign.

Nice to see the McCain press secretary and her aides handle this so clumsily. In their defense, St. Louis certainly isn't a major media market and Missouri is never to an important swing state in presidential races. Pissing off all the local TV stations definitely won't come back to bite them.

Need for Speed

So CNN has been running a fluff piece interview with Cindy McCain all day.

The upshot is that, unlike that evil terrorist Michelle Obama, the Second Mrs. McCain is just a regular ol' billionaire heiress gal who hobnobs with NASCAR drivers and thinks the only way you can travel around Arizona is by "small private plane." (That last bit is missing from the even fluffier write-up on CNN.com. Of course.)

The best part is that, this afternoon, deep from his undisclosed location in The Situation Room, chronic shouter Wolf Blitzer introduced the piece with a comment on Cindy McCain's "need for speed."

Uh, Wolf, given her history, that's probably not the best phrase to use there.

Putting the "Ass" in "Associated Press"

For those of us commie pinko fags who read the newspapers, the steady but unmistakable decline of the Associated Press in the past year has been bewildering.

They've suddenly gone from being the gold standard for objective journalism, to a bunch of pathetic lapdogs sucking up to McCain with his favorite donuts and running bitchy hit pieces on Obama. It's like they replaced their reporters with the scribblings of a middle school's girls' bathroom, as dutifully and damningly chronicled by the Carpetbagger Report.

But nothing I'd seen so far had prepared me for this little nugget:

Karl Rove exchanged e-mails about Pat Tillman with Associated Press reporter Ron Fournier, under the subject line "H-E-R-O." In response to Mr. Fournier's e-mail, Mr. Rove asked, "How does our country continue to produce men and women like this," to which Mr. Fournier replied, "The Lord creates men and women like this all over the world. But only the great and free countries allow them to flourish. Keep up the fight."

To repeat, that's the head of the Associated Press telling Karl Rove to "Keep up the fight." I'd have to think even some of the hacks at Faux News would find that to be over the line.

Black and White

So which is it?

Is Barack Obama a scary black militant black radical black Muslimy black man?

Or is Barack Obama really a white man in disguise, and simply not authentically black enough, as this authority on all things Afrocentric tells us?

I'd really appreciate it if the sixth-grade girls who run our media could just pick one stupid stereotype and run with it.

McCainiacs

Built with the quick and idiot-proof ROFLBot site. Expect to see more of these, folks.

Five Things

As a way to avoid spending every waking second talking about his kids, my friend and his wife started playing the Five Things game: you pick a topic, and then you have to name five things on that topic.

Some recent ones:

Five cars whose names begin with "S."
Five Best Male or Female Actors (Oscar).
Five Stephen King books.
Five countries in Africa.
Five professional skaters.
Five supermarket chains not located in the state in which you currently reside.

Yes, life with kids is thrilling. Feel free to take a shot an any of these in the comments, or suggest your own topic (my contribution: Five cities in Iraq, excluding Baghdad).

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

It's good to know he's keeping busy.

Four More Years

I knew the McCain camp was touchy about the "third Bush term" stuff, but this is fucking ridiculous.

Caption Contest

I'm sure that featuring John McCain in a caption contest will immediately be denounced by the corporate media as an effort to insult his military service and impugn his integrity, but we all have to take our chances these days.

Have at him. But just to be safe, someone get Andrea Mitchell a paper bag to hyperventilate into.

"Professor, Would You Say It's Time for Our Viewers to Panic?"

If you thought former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan got nervous behind the podium, take a look at the way this Assistant Secretary of the Treasury handles himself.

Hard to believe the economy's in the toilet with leadership like this.

Herlihy Boy ‘08

It seems like the case for President McCain is becoming little more than a guilt trip. He was tortured for our country! Vote for him, dammit!

And of course, the flip side: If you do vote for McCain, it’s almost as if you went to war and were tortured yourself. You’re a hero, dammit!

It reminds me of the Chris Farley-Adam Sandler skit from SNL, Herlihy Boy House-Sitting Service. Adam Sandler is McCain, and Chris Farley plays the role of the liberal media.

Independence Day

Ed.: An old one, reposted to honor the meaning of Independence Day

Mark Twain is, without contest, my favorite author of all time.

More than any writer before or since, Twain somehow managed to combine excellent story-telling, first-class sarcasm, and biting social commentary in a nice tight package. I've always loved him for the first two traits, but the more and more this country comes under the sway of the Banana Republicans, I'm really appreciating his clear-eyed take on patriotism and democracy.

For instance, take this passage from The Papers of the Adams Family:

Against our traditions we are now entering upon an unjust and trivial war, a war against a helpless people, and for a base object — robbery. At first our citizens spoke out against this thing, by an impulse natural to their training. Today they have turned, and their voice is the other way.

What caused the change? Merely a politician's trick — a high-sounding phrase, a blood-stirring phrase which turned their uncritical heads: Our Country, right or wrong! An empty phrase, a silly phrase. It was shouted by every newspaper, it was thundered from the pulpit, the Superintendent of Public Instruction placarded it in every schoolhouse in the land, the War Department inscribed it upon the flag.

And every man who failed to shout it or who was silent, was proclaimed a traitor — none but those others were patriots. To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong," and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?

For in a republic, who is "the Country"? Is it the Government which is for the moment in the saddle? Why, the Government is merely a servant — merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them. Who, then, is "the country?" Is it the newspaper? Is it the pulpit? Is it the school-superintendent? Why, these are mere parts of the country, not the whole of it; they have not command, they have only their little share in the command. They are but one in the thousand; it is in the thousand that command is lodged; they must determine what is right and what is wrong; they must decide who is a patriot and who isn’t.

In a monarchy, the king and his family are the country; in a republic it is the common voice of the people. Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak. And it is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catch-phrases of politicians. Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide it against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may. If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have done your duty by yourself and by your country — hold up your head! You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is in the wrong. There is no other time.

This Republic's life is not in peril. The nation has sold its honor for a phrase. It has swung itself loose from its safe anchorage and is drifting, its helm is in pirate hands.

"The nation has sold its honor for a phrase." I can't think of a better single-sentence condemnation of the Bush Administration's empty slogans and dead hearts.

I want my goddamn country back. I only hope there's enough of it left to salvage once the Bush gang gets done stripping it for parts.

The Onion News Network

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

"We've Officially Bottomed Out"

If you've missed the media hysteria over Gen. Wesley Clark's insane, outrageous, outlandish comment that simply being a military veteran doesn't entitle you to a free pass on issues of foreign policy, TPM has distilled the hyperventilation into a nice little clip here.

Man, I wonder why the cable networks keep losing viewers.

Family Values

Jesus's General is hoping to help out the Family Values Republicans with a new set of ads.