Ladies and gentlemen of Earth, allow me to present the Spotnicks.I'm a little fuzzy on the history of this band, but from their space-age outfits, I think they're the ones who did the original versions of such classic songs as "Space Oddity," "Nothing Ever Happens on Mars," and, of course, the soul-stirring "On the Spaceship Lollipop." Classic, classic stuff.
On this album, the Spotnicks have landed in London -- no, really! look at the photo! -- to spread their intergalactic rocking to the swingingest country on this here planet. Apparently, that bobby is giving them directions to the nearest assemblage of impressionable young Brits. Or telling them to bugger off. Hard to say.
Anyway, the arrival of the Spotnicks can only mean that it's once again time for the Friday Random Ten.
For those of you just joining us, here's how it's done, in three easy steps. First, take out whatever music storage device you use -- an iPod, an imitationPod, a 1958 Wurlitzer jukebox, the rhythm-blessed wino on your corner, whatever -- set it to random, and give us the first ten songs that come out. Second, if you'd like to kick it up a notch Elzar-style, rate the songs on a scale of one to ten, with one being the biggest bunch of sucks who ever sucked a suck and ten being a song so cool that it collapses upon itself to form a black hole of coolness that not even Barry White's voice could escape. Third, mock everyone else's music.
Alright, let's do this thing!
1. Speedy West and Jimmy Bryant, "Low Man on the Totem Pole" -- This pair formed the backbone of many a country hit during the '50s, with some pedal steel guitar work that would make a redneck cry. Not exactly cool, this is more along the lines of Grandpa Simpson's getaway music. 6/10
2. Iron & Wine, "Jesus the Mexican Boy" -- I tend to enjoy Sam Beam's narcoleptic folk, but this one is a little bit too sleepy-eyed. And besides, good Americans are now supposed to hate all things Mexican. 5/10
3. Roísín Murphy, "Through Time" -- While I enjoyed her work in the electronica duo Moloko and the visiting teaching job she did at the Handsome Boy Modeling School, this song off her debut solo album is fairly uninspired. Maybe they're going for faux-70s-schlock, but it just sounds like schlock to me. Feh. 3/10
4. Blackalicious, "Blazing Arrow" -- Finally, something presentable. This track, from the album of the same name, is just what you'd expect from the hiphop geniuses of Chief Xcel and Gift of Gab -- blistering fast rhymes, loopy beats, and odd catchy hooks. Nicely done. 9/10
5. Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, "Teacher (How I Love My Teacher)" -- Ugh, I spoke too soon. Again, I normally love Louis Jordan, but this is pretty much a boring tribute to the Martin Princes of the world. This song makes me want to pound nerds until they crumble like a batch of his raisin roundies. 1/10
6. Radiohead, "Morning Bell" -- This is the more uptempo version, from Kid A. Certainly one of my favorites, with an incredibly catchy hook and the best lyrics ever written about a divorce. "Cut the kids in half"? Daaaaaamn. 10/10
7. De La Soul, "Keepin' the Faith (Fly and Funky Mix)" -- Listen, people: subtitles don't lie. This remix is both fly and funky. I think I still prefer the original, but given the crapapalooza I'm having today, I'll grab onto this like a lifevest. 7/10
8. U.N.K.L.E. with South, "Paranoid (UNKLE Variation)" -- A nice, driving instrumental from the outstanding Sexy Beast soundtrack. Since the song has no words, allow me to quote one of my favorite bits from Ben Kingsley's character: "Retired? Fuck off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk? [punch] What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and fuck off? Leave the table? Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, fuck off Don. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I'm gonna have that? You really think I'm gonna have that, ya ponce?" Man, I'd love to see Kingsley do that monologue as Gandhi. 8/10
9. Bobby Emmons, "Blue Organ" -- This song certainly features some phenomenal work on the Hammond organ, but it isn't even remotely blue. In fact, it's pretty fucking hot. Phenomenal. 10/10
10. Wolfmother, "Love Train" -- Once you've pulled the hard-rocking foot out of your ass, take a look at the website. These guys seem to have all the '70s charm of the Darkness, but with twice as much stolen from Ozzy Osbourne during his Sabbath heyday. Excellent stuff. 9/10
Well, that gives me another underwhelming score on the Coolness Scale, a mediocre 6.8 average. Boo!
Surely, you can do better than that. Drop your own FRT in the comments, with or without the Coolness Self Audit. It's the right thing to do, and a tasty way to do it.
15 comments:
jackass. it is still thursday. BUSTED!
For the last time, people, we update this blog from a pirate radio/blogging ship in the Atlantic. It's well past midnight here.
Yeah, back off, orf. As Rummy would say, we are not in the intelligence business (that will never get old!)
I keep hearing how great Iron and Wine is, but I've never been in a mood for it.
Try his cover of Stereolab's "Peng! 33" If that doesn't get you, then you're all dead inside.
I don't have a standard FRT today, as it's kind of a busy few days this direction. The big news is Mrs. T is officially pregnant, probably with my child (damned doctor said all those gum swabs I've been taking from Mrs. T in her sleep are useless; they have to test the baby's DNA, it seems).
Yes, thank you very much, I have done a great thing, I know. Someday I hope all of you will join me in the culture of life and leave behind your deathy ways.
So the reason I'm announcing now is cuz I wanted to wait until I heard the baby's heartbeat myself. The doctor swears I heard the heartbeat yesterday, but it sounded way more like a cat's heartbeat to me. I know that doctors have a liberal bias, what with all that universitizing they do, and can't be trusted, but I have since heard recordings of other folks' fetuses (can you believe people freakin' record this stuff? gimme Bonzo's Montreaux anyday) and they sound like Gremlin's (our name for the littl'un, due around Halloween).
Long story slightly less long, I made a 2-song CD for our trip to the doctor's. I present my Non-Friday Non-Random Two:
1) Heartbeat - Don Johnson. You know, this song is a lot better than I remember it being. The 80s truly were a golden age. 10/10
2) My Humps - the Sweetpeas, or some other kind of Peas; you know, the hip hop stuff the kids today like. I don't know what I like about this song (perhaps the part where she says "my hump" about 87 straight times), but I does. 10/10
Hey, congratulations! That's fantastic news! Let's hope Baby Thrillhous doesn't get the Yes Gene from daddy. Maybe that one skips a generation.
Seriously, this is great news. And I'm glad to know that the power of the FRT is so strong that it actually creates life itself!
CONGRATS T H!!
This calls for a special brew I've been sitting on...aging for a year. It's the Sam Adams Imperial Pilsner 2005 Harvest. Ohhhh goody. Shall we celebrate?
I haven't had it yet...review forthcoming, but it seems to be a very special brew for such an occasion. An Imperial Pilsner for the beginning of T H's Imperial bloodline (assuming it is indeed yours).
The Mountain Goats, “This Year”- A little piano, a little geetar, a frolicking good time. Sadly, not a great time. As much as I want to like these Goats lots, they haven’t gotten over the hump. 6/10
Handsome Boy Modeling School, “The Runway Song”- You mean I can listen to tip top hip hop from Dan the Automator and Prince Paul AND learn how to be a male model at the same time? Where do I sign? Illegal drugs have definitely been taken to this song. I generally like some lyrical flow, but this mostly instrumental track goes down nice and easy. 7/10
Pearl Jam, “Leatherman (Live)”- I only just learned this week that the name “Pearl Jam” likely refers to spooge, which made me realize how ridiculous the old, “Eddie’s grandma Pearl made homemade jam,” story is. Doesn’t exactly scream rock band. Not one of my favorite come shots from PJ. 6/10
Dinosaur Jr., “Nothin’s Goin On”- Oh, Shuffler, how you delight me, and more specifically my guitar rock loving inner child. Solid gold turned platinum when the kooky computer blip chirps in at the 2:06 mark. J Mascis is a wizard who cast his magical spell on me more than a decade ago. Don’t ever let go, J. 9/10
Pearl Jam, “Low Light”- Wow, look at me the huge PJ afficienado. Considering 40% of my 60 GBs is Pearl Jam, this is no surprise. I kid, and can only chalk this up to karma considering their new album dropped this week (an album I’ll be picking up at my local record shop). I like this pick because ‘Yield’ is the album that got PJ back into my rotation after the young, naïve, stubborn, teenaged alternative rocking version of me wrote them off as being too big. Who knew they were keeping it real all those years? 8/10
Elvis Presley, “Too Much” – I’m a Beatles man. I don’t even recognize this song, though I will confess his music is a lot better than me the Beatles fan imagined. Still, the Beatles were cool, but Elvis was a little creepy. His patented “come hither” look scared me as a kid, much the way child molesters scared me. 4/10
Bob Dylan, “Just Like a Woman (Live)”- Just Bob, his geetar, and his harmonica kicking it proper at Royal Albert Hall in ‘66. One of my favorite live releases. 8/10
Black Eyed Peas, “Smells Like Funk”- Smells like fu*king dog $hit is more like it. This is getting deleted promptly upon my return home. I challenge you to find a musical act that has sold out more than these hacks. Their tour this summer is called The Honda Civic Tour. No joke. "I can't wait to hear the car horn from the vintage '83 Civic. That rocked!" I was concerned a song like this would come up. 60 GB leaves room for plenty of questionable calls. It gets a 1 because somehow some of their songs are better than others. 1/10
Big Star, “Try Again”- Underappreciated classic rock act, highly influential to the Smashing Pumpkins of the land (a good thing), and in the interest of underappreciating them, I actually don’t recognize this acoustic nugget. 6/10
Pulp, “Feeling Called Love”- They don’t call it Great Britain for nothing. Of these ten songs, if I had to pick one to close the show this one’s a no brainer. Pulp often makes me want to pump my fist. Sadly, I’m at work, so I’ll tap my foot instead, but it's an aggressive tap. 10/10
Thanks for the kind words, y'all. I especially appreciate the beer tribute, Smitty. My future prospects for getting loaded every weekend are looking dim, so I'm really going to need the virtual beer tasting before too long.
I don't get the whole Mountain Goats thing, either. And congrats, thrillhous.
1. "Stillettos (Pumps)," Crime Mob -- The way these tough-ass bitches chant that hook, I'm pretty sure they'd use their stillettos as a weapon. They kind of scare the crap out of me. 4/10
2. "Dancin' In The Moonlight," King Harvest -- I love this song. 7/10
3. "Trouble Child," Laghonia -- Some middlin' Latin American psychedelia, so far as that stuff goes. 7/10
4. "Bloody Hammer," Roky Erickson -- I hope I never have to deny that I had the bloody hammer. 8/10
5. "All I Want To Do Is Rock," Travis -- I'm pretty sure they named themselves after me. 6/10
6. "Blackbird," The Beatles -- Did you ever see the ER episode that Quinton Tarantino directed? That was pretty awesome. 6/10
7. "The Chimbley Sweep," The Decemberists -- Some of their songs can grate. Such as this one. 4/10
8. "MIA/Cutty Ranks," MIA -- I don't know if this is titled correctly, but it's from that Piracy Supports Terrorism self-bootleg she released. It's vastly superior to the real album, and is totally worth your time to track down, even if you don't like the proper release. 7/10
9. "Ol' 55," Tom Waits -- This reminds me of sophomore year of college. 6/10
10. "Intuition," Feist -- How is this not fucking hugely popular? What, is it too great or something? (Probably.) 8/10
Bonus: "Happiness Is A Warm Gun," Beatles -- I think I prefer the Breeders cover. But still. 7/10
No time for commentary today, just gonna hit it and quit it:
1. "Lady" - Lenny Kravitz. 5/10.
2. "Evil" - Muddy Watters. 8/10. (More Muddy!)
3. "Benny and the Jets (Live)" - Elton John. 8/10, but mostly because of Bennie "the Jet" Rodriguez.
4. "Raise Up" - Petey Pablo. 4/10.
5. "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" - Me First & The Gimme Gimmes. 7/10.
6. "Walkin' Blues" - Robert Lockwood, Jr. 8/10.
7. "How to Survive South Central" - Ice Cube. 6/10.
8. "Asie's Jam" - Asie Payton. 9/10.
9. "Only the Good Die Young" - Billy Joel. 2/10.
10. "Jesus Walks" - Kanye West. 7/10.
6.4 avg.
Wow, Thrillhous, congratulations to you (and Mrs. T, of course)! That is an excellent way to start a Friday - and yes, I know that it's a little late to start a Friday, but that's just how I roll.
1. Ruby My Dear - Thelonius Monk. Y'know, for a warm(-ish) Friday night, I think a little Monk just about hits the spot. And the song is aces, too. 7/10.
2. Fishermen, Strawberry and Devil Corb - Miles Davis & Gil Evans. Man, as much as I like Porgy & Bess, and as much as I love Miles, this one just ain't doing it for me. 4/10.
3. Wind Up - Foo Fighters. Despite some of the members' questionable personal politics, I have a soft spot in my heart for this band. From their great '97 release. 8/10.
4. Strange News From Another Star - Blur. A nice melody on an mellow Bowie-esque song. Pretty average, really. 6/10.
5. Pressure Drop - Toots & The Maytalls. One of the best songs ever recorded. This is the song that plays in my head when I'm walking around happy on a sunny day. 10/10.
6. Sensory Deprivation - Sloan. A nice up-tempo rocker with a strange time signature and great harmony vocals from the power-pop boys from Nova Scotia. Gets a little long, though. 7/10.
7. Belong - R.E.M. A pretty good song, but not one that ultimately gets my feet to tapping or my head to nodding. 6/10.
8. Up - Arlo. Stoner rock that you don't actually have to be stoned to listen to. 7/10.
9. 99 Problems - Jay-Z and The Beatles. Individually, either one of these songs would be near the top of the coolness meter. Put together, they are virtually unstoppable. 10/10.
10. Like A Soldier - Johnny Cash. A nice song from his first American album. An interesting way to round out the top ten. 7/10.
That gives me a total of 72/100, or 7.2. Not terribly drastic, but it could have taken a terrible hit if I was able to include the next song (Jermaine Jackson! What the hell was I thinking?). Here's wishing you all an excellent weekend. (My Peach gets home from Vancouver tomorrow and I'm all giddy.)
Way to go, Thrillho!!!
Otto, I'm just busting your chops. I mean, HELLO...I didn't even post an FRT and now it's Saturday.
Thrillhous and Mrs. T, that is really really awesome. I do not know you, but based on your contributions here, I trust that you'll be bringing a good human bean into this world. Well done, you two!
I'm strongly pro-chopsbusting, ORF. No offense taken.
But I'm also a lazy, lazy man and usually post the FRT sometime late on Thursday so I don't have to do it in the morning.
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