Fox News was telling me all weekend how things were just great down in New Orleans, except for the last few dead-enders who seem to think they are entitled to all sorts of things, such as water and medicine. Maybe now it's time to begin taking stock of what all happened last week. Unlike the usual nattering nabobery you find around this joint, I'd like to cite a few sterling examples of our leaders' compassionate conservatism.
We all remember the delightful image of W cavorting about with a guitar last Tuesday. Sure, some folks claim that a geetar photo op shows that the prez is out of touch, but those folks are wrong. Bush was clearly trying to boost everyone's morale with a light-hearted joke. You know, like when something bad happens, and then it gets real quiet, and then someone tells a joke and breaks the tension. Sometimes the joke works, sometimes not. Remember a couple years back when Bush made the jokes about how he couldn't find them danged WMDs? Now that was some knee-slapping compassionizing! Anyone who thinks Bush's latest crisis-related joke ain't funny needs to get their aloof gland removed.
Cheney responded with sensitivity and understanding, as you'd expect. This guy's got more compassion in his heart stent than most people have in their iron lungs. Some of you libruls might claim that the fact that Cheney didn't leave his Wyoming duck blind until late Thursday calls into question his compassionistic chops, but don't even smurf it. Let's not forget that this man is so compassionate that he was just about the only guy compassionate enough in the 1980s to tell the pro-apartheid government of South Africa that "we care".
Condi Rice -- excuse me, that's Dr. Condoleeza Rice -- is probably the best at being compassionate and looking FABULOUS at the same time. That's why, after taking in a Broadway musical last Wednesday, she spent Thursday buying $7,000 shoes in Manhattan. Her free-spending ways surely uplifted some heards in the Big Easy, just as those shoes uplifted her fallen arches.
Even leading congressmen were eager to show just how compassionate they are. Take Dennis Hastert, for example. He donated several thousand dollars to relief funds late last Thursday. He got the money by selling a car at an Illinois antique auto show earlier in the day. Which he went to after attending a fundraiser for a buddy of his. Which is why he was unable to, like, get to DC and do his job in getting the relief package through congress. And hey, the thing where he said that it would be a waste to rebuild N.O.? It was a joke! He was taking a page right out of the book of the Compassionator in Chief! Hahaha, Denny, you're a riot!
Finally, let's hear it for Dr. Sen. Dr. Bill Dr. Frist. With all those people suffering, starving, and dying down in LA, MS, and AL, he was so full of compassion that he went and showed his compassion to a whole different group of the frequently downtrodden: the super rich. Frist saw that the wealthy would be feeling real bad, what with all the free positive press the lucky duckies were getting, so he decided to show them some love. Frist opened his heart by scheduling a vote for this week to permanently kill the estate tax. Some might say that this is cynical and incredibly innappropriate, but let's face it: the super rich, who are by nature the most compassionate people in the country, are the ones who will end up paying for all the relief efforts, right? Why not make it just a little bit easier on them to be so compassionate?
Hey N'awlins, can you feel the love?