Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Revenge of the Doughy Pantload

I'm happy to announce that professional douchebag Jonah Goldberg has a new column out about Hurricane Rita. As usual, Jonah's writing displays all the wit and compassion of the ingredients label of a Metamucil bottle. Once again, the leading proponent of South Park Conservatives, a.k.a. "morons," tries to use a little tongue-in-cheek humor to make his point, but ends up with a foot in his mouth.
The press was blindsided again. As Hurricane Rita barreled toward Key West, television news executives were unprepared to deal with the lamentable divide this storm would undoubtedly reveal between gay America and straight America.

You'd think the media would have learned their lesson. After Katrina, the press corps waited a full two days after the storm hit before it was able to report that one of America's poorest and blackest cities was full of poor and black people. Surely, this time around the Fourth Estate would hit the ground running with up-to-the-minute exposes on the "Other" Other America and trenchant-yet-lachrymose essays on What This Says About America, that one of America's zestiest gay resorts was left to twist in the wind.

The questions raised by unlovely Rita are as painful as they are obvious. Will gays stay behind in disproportionate numbers in this disproportionately gay city? If so, Why? If gay marriage were legalized, could some of this disaster be avoided? Would George W. Bush have responded more quickly if the victims were just a tad less stylish? And, of course: Will the federal government help keep Key West festive?

Why weren't reporters standing at the ready to caterwaul about the wreckage at their feet? Cher albums and the collected writings of James Wolcott strewn about like beer cans and pizza boxes in an apartment yet to be transformed by the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
It's almost like he's trying to sound mentally retarded. Sorry, Jonah. That'll get you an Emmy or an Oscar, but it won't win you the Pulitzer.

I do appreciate the snarkiness coming out of the right wing over the government's craptacular hurricane response. They're revealing their sense of entitlement and worldview of class privilege more than anything we on the left could ever say. Poor Jonah must still wonder why all those people stranded in New Orleans didn't just take some of their trust fund money, hop in their SUVs, and drive off to the cushy job that Mommy got them.


Thrillhous said...

You're just jealous because you don't have a coveted spot at townhall.

I love him recounting his brilliant smackdown of Carlos Williams. "I was like, 'no way,' and he was like 'whatever'". Sure, it had to have happened exactly the way you said it did, pantload.

Otto Man said...

When I read that part, I imagined Jonah recreating it with his favorite action figures.

Smitty said...

In his mockery, he offends the poor, blacks and gays. How terrible to minimize economic violence by comparing what happened in N.O.L.A. with a hypothetical situaiton that will never happen...not to mention that it is easier to commit bigotry against people who look a lot different than he does than it is to do so against people who look and act like him on the outside. Or who knows...maybe he is one of them, in his closet at home, wearing his frilly lacy underwear from Victoria's Secret. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT....

Smitty said...

And I love how the conservative media constantly rails against how liberal and incompetent they are.

"We're so damn liberal! We're everything that's wrong with America!"

"And we are so incompetent that we can't report the right stuff at the right time! We suck!"

Otto Man said...

Yeah, Smitty, I love how some conservatives are revelling in the horrible response of the Bush administration to Katrina because they see it as proof that government just doesn't work. Jonah praises private initiatives, Tierney thinks Wal-Mart's better than FEMA, etc. etc.

Sorry, boys, all this proves is that you can't run a government.

Maybe if we get people in there who actually believe in what they're doing and, imagine this, are actually trained for their job, we'd see different results.

Otto Man said...

Or who knows...maybe he is one of them, in his closet at home, wearing his frilly lacy underwear from Victoria's Secret.

Ugh. Think unsexy thoughts, indeed.

Smitty said...

Tierney thinks Wal-Mart's better than FEMA....

Speaking of that, have you noticed that once or twice a week, NPR does a story absolutely kissing Wal-Mart's ass? In one interview, last week I think, the interviewee was trying to get a pojt across about all different stores participating in relief efforts, but the interviewer kept bringing...nay...forcing the point back to how great Wal-Mart is. WHat is happening to NPR?!?!?!

Smitty said...

You will notice in may last post the word "pojt." My fumbled-fingers meant to type "point." I just don't know how to edit a comment once it's been posted.

ORF said...

Wait, is he saying that Galveston, TX is gay? Are there a lot of gay people there? Is that a well-known fact or something fairly obscure? And if it's obscure, how does Goldberg know it??? Has he been there and spent time in the gay 'hood.

And what IS that sound? OH! It's all the shotguns getting sawed off and cocked as Texans across the state decide that merely cancelling their subscription to Goldberg's crappy rag for calling Texas gay isn't enough. Nay, they must also hunt and kill the bastard. Because gay people are a threat to their way of LIFE!!!

Otto Man said...

Wait, is he saying that Galveston, TX is gay?

No, he was ranting about an earlier stop in Rita's path -- Key West.

Who knows how he'll spin the devastation in Texas. I'm sure the Mexicans will get worked in somehow.