There's so much to admire about Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher. Not only is Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, the most impressive double-threat since Samuel Adams, Brewer Patriot. Not only does Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, look like the love child of F Troop's Larry Storch and the Monkees' Mickey Dolenz. More important than all that, Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, puts the "Holy Christ!" back into ass-kicking.
And rightly so. Remember what Jesus said in the Book of Bruce, Chapter Four: "And lo, if He does not believe in me, then I will fight him. Or, failing that, prove my righteousness by breaking boards with my bare hands." What, you think the guy was a carpenter because he loved the work? Nope. Free boards for breaking.
Anyway, the appearance of Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, means that it's once again time for the Friday Random Ten. Fire up the iTunes, set it to random, and let loose the first ten songs that are brave enough to show themselves. And, if you're feeling frisky, Maurice, then go ahead and give us a Coolness Self-Audit. (Check out this FRT for a guide to that. Or don't. See if I care.)
OK, it's Go Time.
1. Hank Williams, "Settin' the Woods on Fire" -- As much as I love the Father of Bocephus, this is a fairly mediocre tune. Not as mediocre as Your Cheatin' Heart, the film that starred George Hamilton -- yes, that George Hamilton -- as Mr. Williams, but mediocre all the same. Eh. 5/10
2. Bee Gees, "If I Can't Have You" -- Uh, you see... Um. Fuck. 1/10
3. The Gories, "Outta Here" -- Alright, that's a nice enough recovery. The Gories were a raw, three-piece, garage band from Detroit Rock City. I believe they broke up in the early '90s, right around when I fell in love with them. If you've got any interest in the White Stripes, check these kids out. 8/10
4. Urge Overkill, "Positive Bleeding" -- Another old favorite. This song comes off the Saturation album, which is either the crowning moment of an amazing career or the precise point where they sold out to the Man. A decade later, and I still can't decide. Great tune, either way. 8/10
5. Grandaddy, "What Happened?" -- What happened, indeed? Right when Grandaddy finally seemed to make it through to the big time, Jason Lytle decided to throw in the towel. Oh well. Nice having you around, pally. While you made some great tunes, this is not one of them. 2/10
6. The 184.108.40.206.'s, "Bond Girl" -- Man, what's not to love about a trio of hot Japanese rockabilly chicks who often perform in cave girl outfits? You may remember the 220.127.116.11.'s from films such as Kill Bill Vol. 1 where they appeared as the house band at Charlie Brown's restaurant. Outstanding. 7/10
7. Beck, "Hell Yes" -- Another weak song off an otherwise great album. At this rate, I'll round out the random ten with three straight hiphop skits. 4/10
8. Grant Green, "Brazil" -- One of the great jazz guitarists, doing a phenomenal version of one of my favorite tunes. Thank God. 9/10
9. Buffalo Tom, "Hawaiian Baby" -- A very nice cover of an amazing tune by the Spinanes. I used to have the 7" single of the original, but I've since lost it and, as a result, much of my dignity. So very sad. 8/10
10. Public Enemy, "He Got Game" -- This was a nice Indian Summer moment in the life of an iconic hiphop act. Nice use of the familiar Buffalo Springfield hook, with a great chorus turn by Flavor Flav. Sorry, I mean, "Mr. Brigitte Nielson." 9/10
Well, that gives me an underwhelming 6.1 average. At least I still passed. (Me fail the FRT? That's unpossible!)
Let's see what you've got. Feel free to drop your own FRT in the comments, or lambast me for wallowing in my own crapulence.