Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday Random Ten

There's so much to admire about Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher. Not only is Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, the most impressive double-threat since Samuel Adams, Brewer Patriot. Not only does Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, look like the love child of F Troop's Larry Storch and the Monkees' Mickey Dolenz. More important than all that, Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, puts the "Holy Christ!" back into ass-kicking.

And rightly so. Remember what Jesus said in the Book of Bruce, Chapter Four: "And lo, if He does not believe in me, then I will fight him. Or, failing that, prove my righteousness by breaking boards with my bare hands." What, you think the guy was a carpenter because he loved the work? Nope. Free boards for breaking.

Anyway, the appearance of Mike Crain, Karatist Preacher, means that it's once again time for the Friday Random Ten. Fire up the iTunes, set it to random, and let loose the first ten songs that are brave enough to show themselves. And, if you're feeling frisky, Maurice, then go ahead and give us a Coolness Self-Audit. (Check out this FRT for a guide to that. Or don't. See if I care.)

OK, it's Go Time.

1. Hank Williams, "Settin' the Woods on Fire" -- As much as I love the Father of Bocephus, this is a fairly mediocre tune. Not as mediocre as Your Cheatin' Heart, the film that starred George Hamilton -- yes, that George Hamilton -- as Mr. Williams, but mediocre all the same. Eh. 5/10

2. Bee Gees, "If I Can't Have You" -- Uh, you see... Um. Fuck. 1/10

3. The Gories, "Outta Here" -- Alright, that's a nice enough recovery. The Gories were a raw, three-piece, garage band from Detroit Rock City. I believe they broke up in the early '90s, right around when I fell in love with them. If you've got any interest in the White Stripes, check these kids out. 8/10

4. Urge Overkill, "Positive Bleeding" -- Another old favorite. This song comes off the Saturation album, which is either the crowning moment of an amazing career or the precise point where they sold out to the Man. A decade later, and I still can't decide. Great tune, either way. 8/10

5. Grandaddy, "What Happened?" -- What happened, indeed? Right when Grandaddy finally seemed to make it through to the big time, Jason Lytle decided to throw in the towel. Oh well. Nice having you around, pally. While you made some great tunes, this is not one of them. 2/10

6. The's, "Bond Girl" -- Man, what's not to love about a trio of hot Japanese rockabilly chicks who often perform in cave girl outfits? You may remember the's from films such as Kill Bill Vol. 1 where they appeared as the house band at Charlie Brown's restaurant. Outstanding. 7/10

7. Beck, "Hell Yes" -- Another weak song off an otherwise great album. At this rate, I'll round out the random ten with three straight hiphop skits. 4/10

8. Grant Green, "Brazil" -- One of the great jazz guitarists, doing a phenomenal version of one of my favorite tunes. Thank God. 9/10

9. Buffalo Tom, "Hawaiian Baby" -- A very nice cover of an amazing tune by the Spinanes. I used to have the 7" single of the original, but I've since lost it and, as a result, much of my dignity. So very sad. 8/10

10. Public Enemy, "He Got Game" -- This was a nice Indian Summer moment in the life of an iconic hiphop act. Nice use of the familiar Buffalo Springfield hook, with a great chorus turn by Flavor Flav. Sorry, I mean, "Mr. Brigitte Nielson." 9/10

Well, that gives me an underwhelming 6.1 average. At least I still passed. (Me fail the FRT? That's unpossible!)

Let's see what you've got. Feel free to drop your own FRT in the comments, or lambast me for wallowing in my own crapulence.


Thrillhous said...

I'm feeling especially rocky today; send the kids to the neighbors, cuz I'm coming home drunk!

1) Yes - Sound Chaser. If you want to talk man rock (and I know you do), you don't get any manlier than Jon Anderson's testosterone-filled primal screams. Great song, by the way, if you've got 20 minutes on your hands. 10/10

2) Is there anybody out there? - Floyd. Meh. I don't like it when Roger Waters uses his small Dickensian voice. 3/10

3) Witch Hunt - Rush. A rock song in 6/8 time? Rock on, guys! 9/10

4) Reflection - Tool. One of the noise tracks. 5/10

5) The Wizard - Sabbath. ROCK AND ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. This song in particular helped me get through the peace corps, with all those damned loving hippies. 11/10

6) The Rover - Zep. Lordy I'm hitting the highlights today! I had to listen to it about 80 times before I liked it, but now I love it. I blame Bonham. 8/10

7) On Broken Wings - Europe. Okay, one of you guys must have fiddled with my media player, right? You don't hit on a stream of awesome songs like this by accident. 9/10

8) Bungle in the Jungle - Tull. This is bringing me down a bit, but that's probably a good thing. I"m getting too hyper here. 2/10

9) Beneath, Behind, and Between - Rush. Flying high again! Old school Rush. 8/10

10) Fucking Hostile - Pantera. The perfect finish for a near-perfect FRT. 10/10

Man, I still can't get over The Wizard showing up. The Prince of Darkness has smiled on me today.

Mike said...


Your music taste is identical to mine . . . in 1984.

Not passing judgment or anything, just sayin' . . .


That was a weird FRT, I'll grant you, but you're too hard on yourself. "If I Can' Have You" showing up is certainly embarrassing, and I plan to rib you mercilessly for the next 6 months. But, objectively speaking it's not that bad a song. Better than a 1, for certain.

Maybe a 3.

sideshow bob said...

Interesting that Mr. Crain didn't add the word 'singer' to his title...

1)iieee-Tori Amos. From Choirgirl. The album that marked her transition from genius to talented weirdo, but before she totally sold out. Half of this album is quite good, half flat out sucks. The other 50% is so-so. This song falls somewhere in between. (6/10)

2)Every Day is Exactly the Same-NIN. I love this song, but lord is it depressing. In fact, this FRT is starting off down a dark path...(8/10)

3)Got To Get You Into My Life- the Beatles. I recently found out that this song is about how much Mr. McCartney loves the weed. Plus one point for that. (7/10)

4)Under the Bridge-RHCP. Good song, but so ubiquitous that they play it on the soccer mom station now. Minus 3 points for that. (4/10)

5)Wish You Were Here-Pink Floyd. Best. Pink. Floyd. Song. Ever! (10/10)

6)When Yer Twenty Two-Flaming Lips. The CD instructs me to play all tracks at maximum volume. Yes, sir! (8/10)

7)Just One Fix-Ministry. If I'm not mistaken, the video for this song was featured on Beavis and Butthead. They liked it better than I. (4/10)

8)Honey White-Morphine. Nothing like a little Morphine to get you going in the morning. (8/10)

9)Sullen Girl-Fiona Apple. Yes, Fiona, you are. (7/10)

10)I'm Just a Killer For Your Love-Blur. Mellow, but good. (6/10)

That comes out to 6.8. Part of this D belongs to God. Allow me to bellow out a Kurt Warneresque THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!

Otto Man said...


The Bee Gees are a secret shame. I gave the song a 1 to pre-empt the verbal depantsing I was sure to receive here. But, yes, feel free to mock away.

Thrillhous said...

Mike, you were so cool in 1984!

I had a somewhat sheltered childhood; I thought "rock and roll" meant Anne Murray until about 1987. Then we got cable.

Gimme another 20 years, and I may even recognize some of the bands on Otto's FRTs.

Otto Man said...

In 20 years, Thrillhous, you'll be attending your kid's graduation in a tattered Megadeth t-shirt.

The Doc said...

2. Bee Gees, "If I Can't Have You" -- Uh, you see... Um. Fuck. 1/10

Damn, Otto, that's harsh. I mean, I enjoy me a Bee-Gee every once in a while, usually tongue-in-cheek ("To Love Somebody" being a notable exception). And having it show up on your FRT is unfortunate. But I also agree with Mike; it's not a ONE. Three, maybe even four (but that's pushing it). But then again, I'm a questionable judge.

1. Pant Leg - Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I loved these guys in High School. Pant Leg's better-than-average for this time period, but nothing like the tracks off Now I Got Worry. 7/10.
2. I Am The Cancer - Sloan. From the pre-Geffen explosion when these Nova Scotian boys were college radio darlings. This song rocks; probably my favourite from the early era. 10/10.
3. Red Rover - Big Sugar. Heavy funk-reggae-rock from the loudest band I've ever seen. (Too many adjectives?) Super-Duper-fly. 8/10.
4. Gime That - Sloan. Whaaa? Now the modern-era Sloan makes their appearance. Their pop roots shine close to the surface in this song, but it still rocks. +2 for slamming Nickleback in the third verse. 9/10.
5. Walking in Your Footsteps - The Police. I like The Police, okay? But this song, it's just plodding along, not going anywhere. Not doing anything for me. 5/10.
6. Slowdown - Keb' Mo'. Foot-tapping bluesy song. A little slow, but a definite pickup after the last song. 7/10.
7. Robot Parade (Adult Version) - They Might Be Giants. DAMN YOU! Just when I thought I was getting out, they pull me back in. Not the worst TMBG that could have happened, but not super-great either. 4/10.
8. Walk Out - Matthew Sweet. Things are looking up again, for the moment. Really, does anyone other than me even remember Matthew Sweet any more? Whenever I mention him, I get a lot of blank stares. This one's a solid pop song. 7/10.
9. I Will - Radiohead. Okay, it's slow, but it's pretty. And no record store clerk would knock Radiohead, even if they are one of the most popular bands in the world (I don't understand how those two things are possible simultaneously). 7/10.
10. Perdido Street Blues - Louis Armstrong. Completely instrumental track, which is not what most people think when they think "Louis Armstrong". A pretty song, but nothing spectacular. 6/10.

That gives me a total of 80/100, or 8.0 My home-grown artists helped me out a great deal, and even with the oft-appearing TMBG dealing me a heavy blow, I manage to come out strong.

Mike said...


I assure I was whatever-is-most-completely-opposite-of-cool in 1984.

I was 16, I, let's see, how shall I say this . . . I hadn't had a girlfriend, and I liked Rush. And I liked 'em juuuuuuust a bit too much. I knew every lyric -- and every movement in the melody -- to 2112 from the opening chord of the Overture, right through the final "We have assumed control" at the end of Grand Finale.

Oh wait, I've shown that I'm still a damn geek, haven't I.


Did I tell you I wanted to get the red pentagram (the one with the water ripples from the 2112 album cover) on the back panel of my jean jacket?

Luckily, I soon discovered Zeppelin, which led to chicks, weed, prodigious beer guzzling and the other things that eventually destroyed by GPA, but saved my life.

Geddy, Alex and Neil would have top take a back seat.

Otto Man said...

Hey, if it had been "Jive Talkin'" or "Night Fever" I would've bumped it up a bit for sure. But yeah, a one is too harsh perhaps. Maybe a three? Maybe.

Mr Furious said...

No list for me, but I'll throw a few comments in. I was a total Rush geek circa 1984 as well. Right there with you, Mike. In fact, I used to bring my box on the bus and play Rush in the back row every damn day.

As cool as a kid forced to ride the bus could be. I hoped anyway...


Yes, I remember (and still enjoy) Matthew Sweet. "Girlfriend" was one of the best albums of the early 90s.


Sorry, T, but Europe has always sucked. At NO point did I ever like those pretty boys.


There's an adult version of "Robot Parade?" Do the adult robots "wave the flags that the robots made?"


Per OM's suggestion, I gotta go find me some Gories...

sideshow bob said...

I remember Matthew Sweet...If rock were a basketball game, he'd be the guy that could come off the bench and get you some points and not commit any stupid fouls. Not a superstar, but well-rounded and solid.

The BeeGees would be the Washington Generals...but hey, they're due!

Otto Man said...

Per OM's suggestion, I gotta go find me some Gories...

Check out "There But For the Grace of God Go I." One of my faves.

Mike said...

I'm hearing you guys on the Gories. I'm a(n extrememly) late-comer to the whole White Stripes party. An equally over-the-hill friend (he, too, loved Rush in '84, but to his credit he's the guy who got me into Zep) brought Elephant to my joint last week for . . . some joints & some tunes, etc.

A load-shooting experience (not with the friend). If Jack White ain't god, he's surely an arch-angle.

Or something like that.

And Matthew Sweet . . . well, Girlfriend is sweet. Along with Teenage Fanclub's Bandwagonesque, Sweet nailed the whole Alex Chilton/Big Star revival of 1991 that never happened.

If that makes any sense. Then again, this whole comment makes no sense. I'm babbling.

Otto Man said...

If Jack White ain't god, he's surely an arch-angle.

Be sure to check out his new side project with the Raconteurs. That shit is insanely good.

Smitty said...

So...I guess you're not supposed to leave delicate, sophisticated electronics on your dashboard when the outside temp is 95 and the inside temp in my car is 10,000,000,000. Thank Goodness for that maintenence plan I bought at Best Buy. But no FRT today, as my iPod essentially told me to fuck off.

I was, however, consoled by this. Not necessarily kid-friendly.

Otto Man said...

Heh. I love the title of that post, Smitty. Especially the verb choice.

You think the reporter would've mentioned past circle jerks, like the 2004 Republican National Convention. Maybe that qualified more as group fellatio of the president....

Thrillhous said...

I wonder if Rush L. was going to one of these types of events in the Dominican Republic when he got busted with the viagra. I recall reading that it was an all-male trip. Lots of guys, lots of viagra, no women.

They could've raised millions!

ORF said...

Nice, Otto:
2. Bee Gees, "If I Can't Have You" -- Uh, you see... Um. Fuck. 1/10

I've been a little preoccupied to get around to an FRT in like, oh, I dunno, the last four months. But, I did happen to listen to my car-mate's iPod on random yesterday for a while, so I did one by proxy. I was instantly whisked away to high school. I didn't write any down, but here's some of the songs it included*:

1) That big Stone Temple Pilots song that everyone loved when I was in high school, "Interstate Love Song," (I had to look this up) which was appropriate, I guess, since we were on the Interstate.

2) An Usher song that I did not know and mistook for R. Kelly.

3) The new Nelly Furtado song, "Promiscuous," with Luda(cris).

4) A song by that band "Live," which I somehow knew the words to, because I also listened to this in high school.

5) "Gone Til November" by Wyclef. High school!!!!

6) "To Zion," by Lauryn Hill. Ok, freshman year of college, but close enough.

7) "Why Can't I Be You," by The Cure

8) "No Woman, No Cry," by Bob Marley; Fuck high school; this is middle school.

9) "Midnight Train to Georgia," by the Indigo Girls.

10) "Galileo" by the Indigo Girls. I actually turned this up and sang the fuck along because, well it had been pretty much my junior year in high school since I'd done that.

*I don't take responsibility for this song list since it's not my iPod, and am therefore not grading it. It wouldn't be fair...