Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the esteemed Tammy Faye Bakker and her duet partner Simba. For those of you who don't watch the Nature Channel in full-blown rapture, Safari Tammy is demonstrating a little-known fact. While lions can smell fear, they can't pick up the scent if you caulk on a few pounds of Maybelline.
I'm really not sure how to approach this album cover. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to approach this album cover unless it's with a pair of iron tongs and a Hazmat suit.
But I am reminded of the famous words of former First Drunk Billy Carter. "Some Christians," he said, "deserve to be eaten by lions."
Alright, time for the Friday Random Ten. Let's do this thing.
1. James Brown, "People Get Up and Drive Your Funky Soul" -- An outstanding track from the 1973 Jim Brown blaxploitation flick "Slaughter's Big Rip-Off." How good is the movie? Here's the tagline: "The mob put the finger on Slaughter...so he gave them the finger right back--curled tight around a trigger!" If this isn't cool, I don't know what is. 10/10
2. Gorillaz, "Dirty Harry" -- Hmm, looks like an early '70s action flick theme is developing. This is a nice follow-up to the first album's big single, "Clint Eastwood." (I think the former mayor of Carmel needs to get a restraining order against these dudes.) Anyone see these kids in concert? DirecTV has been running a show they did and it looks phenomenal. 9/10
3. The Sugar Hill Gang, "Apache" -- Yes, I know they were the original label-manufactured, test-tube baby hiphop group and, yes, I know that they looked like they'd cloned Rerun from "What's Happening" and gave them all Kangols and turntables. But, dammit, they still put together some catchy hits, and this song always makes me want to get on my horse and riiiiiide. "I sting squaws, then I run away / Hi-ho, Silver, is what I say!" 7/10
4. Ray Charles, "Lonely Avenue" -- I have a soft spot for Ray, especially the great R&B work he did at Atlantic in the '50s. A classic, though perhaps not cool. 6/10
5. Air featuring MF Doom, "Darbye (Remix)" -- Two artists I love individually, but for some reason they just don't mesh well here. Somebody got chocolate in my peanut butter, and it tastes like crap. 5/10
6. William Shatner, "Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man" -- If you've never had a friend freak out on acid, just give this song a listen to appreciate the experience. Insane. I actually caught the Comedy Central Roast of Shatner the other night -- I know, I know -- and it was pretty damn funny. As one of the roasters said, Shatner managed to make a lack of talent and charm seem to be hiply ironic. 4/10
7. The White Stripes, "Blue Orchid" -- Well, it looks like we're going to start another round of the eternal White Stripes vs. Raconteurs debate in the comments. This is actually one of my favorite Stripes' tunes, a song that has more bottom than Shirley Hemphill. (That's right. Two "What's Happening" jokes in a single post. Deal with it.) 8/10
8. Catlow, "Number One" -- I don't much about this band, but since it seems to feature an Indie Rocking Chick in the vein of Liz Phair near her prime, I probably should. Not too shabby. 6/10
9. The Killers, "Somebody Told Me" -- Is it just me, or does this band already seem badly dated? Eh. 4/10
10. Wolf Parade, "Dinner Bells" -- Oh, what a nice finish. If this song were any more brilliant, it would collapse upon itself like a supernova. I don't like to make sweeping generalizations, but if you don't already own and love this album, then there's a very good chance that you're responsible for everything bad in the world. There. I said it. 10/10
Alright, despite a couple perfect songs, I still end up with a 7.1 average. Looks like I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity. Oh well, I'm part of the MTV generation that feels neither highs nor lows. (What's that like? Meh.)
Let's see what the rest of you have got. Give us your own lists, with or without comments, or just let your snark flow freely.
18 comments:
Catlow, "Number One" -- I don't much about this band, but since it seems to feature an Indie Rocking Chick in the vein of Liz Phair near her prime . . .
My stars, I think I just sprung some Morning Wood, Version 2.0.
. . . and then I took another gander at the Tammy Faye album cover, and ended that problem right quick.
Tammy Faye album covers, the virtual cold shower for all your embarrassing tent-pitching moments.
And that ends the "Mike talking about his erection" portion of our programming . . .
Dammit! That's my favorite portion of the show, Mike! What's next, the Norman Mailer-esque segment "Why my libido is dissipating"?
That album cover, crap that's funny.
Man, I still can't get over the Tammy Faye pic. To paraphrase Jon Stewart, that's where boners go to die.
You know, I realized that I never go by the points system that the FRT lords have created. I base it mostly on how much caffeine is in me.
Now let's get jiggy with it!
1) Take it in Hand - Prong. This one's either about self-reliance or masturbation; is there a difference? 7/10
2) Hate to Feel - Alice in Chains. I've never tried heroin, but I'm guessing the Dirt album is about as close as a non-user can get to being doped up on it. Awesome, awesome song. 10/10
3) Ghost Behind My Eyes - Ozzy. I'm just recently getting into Ozzmosis. It's a hit or miss album. I'm warming to this one, but not there yet. 6/10
4) The Happiest Days of Our Lives - Floyd. 5/10
5) All Alone - Mad Season. Probably the worst "song" on this album. 1/10
6) Son of the Morning Star - Danzig. Probably the best song off Danzig 4! Well, maybe that'd be Bringer of Death. Anyway, you know what this is getting: 11/10
7) I Think I'm Going Bald - Rush. Tell me about it. 9/10
8) Clear Days - Yes. Off their second album, probably their least known. 8/10
9) Revelation - Ozzy. Wow, two Ozzy tracks in one day! This is a gigantic runaway hit off his first solo effort. The Oz man was down with environmentalism before it was cool. That, and dove eating. 10/10
10) Bringer of Death - Danzig. Aw sheeyatttt, here it is! I can't believe this! I just mentioned this song, and here it is in my FRT!!! I am exploding with joy and rage and self-pity all at once. I like to thing Glen would be proud. [variable representing infinity]/10
Well, this was a pretty normal list until the BEST TWO songs off of Danzig 4 showed up. Plus 2 Ozzies? And a non-pretentious Rush song? If I knew how to close the comments, I'd do it right now. Set this baby in bronze, my friends. You are in rock Nirvana (not the group; they're still in the seventh level of rock/Dante hell, the one for murderers and suiciders)
Thrill-
Is your I-pod conducting an affair with Caress of Steel? Or maybe it's that three-albums-in-one thing. Trilogy? Trinity? Triumvirate? (that's what Peart would've called it if he had his way).
Can Working Man be far off?
You know, I'd pay to see that lion eat her and a few other right-wing freaks like her.
(Except I don't want the Lion to get a tummy ache.)
Shatner's is my favorite version of that song.
1. Garbage – “Breaking Up the Girl,” from Beautiful Garbage
Every time a Garbage record drops Milt thinks, “I can do without this one,” every time he gets it two months after its release, and every time it’s Bo fucking Derek. The moral of this yarn: more producers should become artists. 7/10
2. Bloodstone – “Natural High,” from Jackie Brown
Speaking of a natural high:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjtPkDdvkBU&eurl=
7/10
3. Eminem – “Bad Meets Evil,” from The Slim Shady LP
M&M’s an easy choice as Milt’s favorite candy coated chocolate treat, and Eminem’s an easy choice as one of the best emcees ever ever ever, but for some reason Eminem’s not one of Milt’s favorite emcees. For some reason he gets real old real quick. 6/10
4. Mos Def – “Freaky Black Greetings,” from The New Danger
Not afraid to say it: don’t like The New Danger. Every hard rock note on the album sounds like an ordinarily shitty late nineties Limp Bizkit rip-off. Sorry. 5/10
5. Modest Mouse – “Breakthrough,” from This is a Long Drive for Someone With Nothing to Think About
Whew. Some vintage mouse rights the ship. 9/10
6. Ryan Adams – “Wild Flowers,” from Gold
I wish I liked Adams more, because dude’s the most prolific songwriter of our generation. Sadly, given my tepid take on him, his extensive catalog overwhelms me and I shy away. This, I think, is this the one Adams album everyone has. 6/10
7. The Hold Steady - “Barfruit Blues,” from Almost Killed Me
Gangster example of a band perched perfectly atop Milt’s fence. Two albums and still can’t decide if they’re great or merely good. Quite the quandary that their upcoming third must resolve. This song is one with their best elements and threatens to push Milt off said fence Humpty-style. 8/10
8. Shuggie Otis – “Gospel Groove,” from Here Comes Shuggie Otis
Old boys got some stellar, soulful R&B, but this is a bit blues heavy. C’mon, people, it’s Friday! Milt don’t want no Friday blues! 6/10
9. The Flaming Lips – “The Spark,” from The Soft Bulletin
Desert island music. If Milt was currently on the substances required to properly enjoy the Lips unequalled (literally, not throwing this out in the parlance of our times) live blowout, he would say this:
I want to give the song a 9, because the standout tracks on this album are slightly better than this one, which means I should reserve a 10 for them, but at the same time that implies that the quality of these rockable bliss notes can be quantified with a simple one-to-ten scale, which furthermore implies that one could, in theory, create music of equal quality, which just isn’t the case.
Oh, wait. Just hit the chain reaction parts. Yep. That cinches it: 10/10.
10. Miles Davis – “Move,” from Birth of the Cool
Speaking of cool, Milt’s about to do you a huge favor: if you do one thing this week, start watching Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace on the Sci-Fi Channel. No, that’s not a typo. Sci-fi. Funniest show on TV.
You’re welcome.
8/10
72. At least it’s better than GW’s gpa at Yale.
Rudy Ray Moore delivers every line in that film in italics.
Damn straight. Except for the ones where he says "MuthaFUCKA!!!" The had to invent a new style of writing to capture the spirit of that one.
Mike, thanks for the Peart info! Didn't know that. I wonder if ELP releasing an album named Trilogy a couple years earlier messed it up.
Ipod, me? Nope, I'm all PC windows media player, all the time. Which means the random feature is moderately sucky - I often get the same songs from the previous week. Also, when you have as few albums as I do (around 50, I think), your random lists don't look real random.
Plus 2 Ozzies?
Is either of them the song that sounds like La Isla Bonita?
Could his next album have a song AND video based on Like A Prayer?? or will the prince of darkness turn to Britney for inspiration?
Could his next album have a song AND video based on Like A Prayer?? or will the prince of darkness turn to Britney for inspiration?
The good doctor thinks maybe the Thrillhouses sleep in two separate, I Love Lucy-style beds.
My stars, I think I just sprung some Morning Wood, Version 2.0.
I should be clear, the voice sounds close. She has a different look, one that seems to be more of a Nelly Furtado thing.
I'm not sure how that affects your wood, and frankly, mister, I don't want to know.
Doc, you're half right. Usually we start out in the same bed, but I wake up on the floor.
As to Mrs. T and your sacreligious Ozzy bashing, just you wait til I get home! Ozzy's all man! Just because he cries every time his wife leaves the room don't make him whipped, either.
And yes, you have ruined that particular Ozzy tune for me. Therefore, every time you play that James song that was so popular, I will sing "La Bamba" at top volume.
Otto-
I should be clear, the voice sounds close. She has a different look, one that seems to be more of a Nelly Furtado thing.
S'all good.
Not Nelly Furtado. Natalie Imbruglia. Whatever.
Let's get a sixth grader in here to ID the pop stars, OK?
Not Nelly Furtado. Natalie Imbruglia. Whatever.
Once we'd established that the gal who sings like vintage Liz was (a) female and (b) good looking enough to be famous, I was satisfied even in the absence of further due diligence.
I'm funny that way.
Travis, I've got the original album where Rudy Ray Moore introduces us to Dolemite, titled 'Eat Out More Often'. The movie was crap compared to it. Also a rant about Shine, a black man who survived the Titanic. Terribly funny and about the dirtiest mouth I've ever heard.
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